This is a guest blog submitted by yesterdays_feelings.
Last year for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend and I went out to a newly opened burger joint. I paid for my own dinner. Shortly after dinner, we separated for the night. Not even a kiss was shared between us. We
weren't fighting at the time. In fact, we were practically a new, happy couple at the time, dating for exactly a month.
I wasn't sure if our newly begun relationship meant he would want to celebrate Valentine's Day or not. I bought him a book and a card, and I also wrote him a two page note to put in his box of all the notes he has ever received. I got nothing in return, not even a kiss. Because he didn't seem keen on celebrating the day with me, I kept the book I bought him for another occasion.
Now, another Valentine's Day with him is coming up, and he has already expressed his distaste for celebrating "pointless, unnecessary" holidays. I've never had a proper Valentine's Day, and I have to say, I have V-Day envy. I want cards and candy and random pink, red and white teddy bears. I work in a Hallmark store, so my envy is multiplied a hundred fold and I have a boyfriend who HATES the holiday!
I asked him if he'd ever celebrated V-Day. He said he may have back in junior high, but I know he gave a previous girlfriend roses and candy only four years ago when he was in high school.
Of course, my stupid girly mind immediately jumps to the thought "why can't he love me like that?" I know, stupid, right? But I'm wondering, if this holiday is important to me, shouldn't he at least try if he cares about me even just a little bit? What should I do if he just makes a habit of not celebrating the holiday? Should I make a big deal about it?
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Comments (64)
Do you want this to be his favorite holiday ever? No.
Do you think that by not celebrating this holiday he doesn't love you? No.
Are you asking him to love this holiday as much as you do? No.
Are you asking him to just get over it and spoil you for a day with red, white, pink, and romance? Yes.
Enough said. Just tell him how you feel. He doesn't have to love the holiday, but obviously you guys have been together for over a year. I think that is long enough where he can just suck it up and take you out to dinner.
Well, I don't like V-day. And I have never believed in celebrating it... However, if I did like someone and that person really wanted to celebrate V-day, I'd celebrate it just for them, because they're special and they mean at least that much.
But I don't know, everyone is different.
I feel the same. My boyfriend hates Valentine's Day...
But, I've told him repeatedly how much I love it. And I even told him that last year, when all he did was give me a kiss in school (he hates PDA too, so I guess that was quite an effort on his part), I was extremely sad and disappointed and hurt.
He felt really bad for making me feel bad... And even though he absolutely refused to do anything very special for Valentine's Day this year (not that we could anyway, since we're apart), he already told me he got me a cute stuffed animal, which he's sending in the mail to me.
So maybe a bit of fuss is acceptable... As long as you keep it one-sided, like, "I feel hurt" rather than "Why can't you be a better boyfriend???"
If there are times of the year where he surprises you with gifts and romantic dinners..then not having it on valentines can be over looked. But if he never takes the time to make you feel special..then there's a much bigger problem here.
And making you pay for dinner? on valentines? Even if he hates the holiday..he didn't have to do that. Does he even have a heart?
Speaking as a guy: Valentines day is terrible. All the expectations your girl has of you are multiplied 1000 fold. It's not fun. I'll celebrate it if I have to, but why is there a specific day to show affection? It's not enough that I show it in my own way 365? I've never looked forward to Valentines
I'd have the same feelings as you do if I were you.
Hm I think if you just told him how important it was to you that you get a typical V-Day treatment (from him), he would understand.
ESPECIALLY since you two have been together for a over a year now.
@StrawberryShy@xanga - I agree, especially with the first part.
People who don't like Valentine's Day don't like it because it's extremely commercialized and feel that being romantic shouldn't be dictated by a day on the calendar with no personal meaning. I totally respect that view. However, it does seem like your relationship is lacking a bit in the romantic department. I don't have a lot of context, but that date sounds like you were friends who just happened to be hanging out.
@StrawberryShy@xanga - I agree. I would let V-Day slide if he did things like take you out to dinner and buy you gifts and flowers on other days throughout the year. I can understand if that was the reason he didn't like V-Day, as if to say that you don't need a special fluffy day to show someone that you care. But if he's not doing that, asking to do something on V-Day really isn't much. I'm not too fond of V-Day either, but maybe that's because I've always been single...
But either way, I think he should be a little more considerate of your
love for V-Day and wanting to celebrate it. It's not like you're asking
for an expensive dinner, Godiva chocolate and a huge bouquet of
flowers. Tell him why it's important to you. If he refuses to
compromise, that could definitely be a problem.
In my college newspaper, they confirmed that when it comesto Valentine's day, it's more of a celebration for the ladies, because men don't really want anything for Valentine's day most of the time. Ain't that something?
I guess the truth is there is a big difference between celebrating true love (if you just started out, I'd give it some time) and bowing down to consumerism (there goes that word again) to prove it. And I guess when it comes to romance, he wants to go about it without a holiday to dictate how much he loves you. You know?
EIther it boils down to consumerism, or the fact that he knows everyday is valentine's day already. Heck, don't be surprised, if he bought you an "I love you" card, just because it's Tuesday.
I'm not big on Valentine's Day... it's fun to give/get some chocolate, but otherwise it's waaaaaay to commercial for my tastes.
But going out and doing something together would be fun. :)
You could always just go out with him that night, like you did the year before, and maybe just go someplace nicer or make it a little different. You wouldn't have to be forcing the holiday on him but you could still make it special... because Valentine's Day should be about spending time with someone you love, first and foremost.
If it bothers you, you can talk to him about it. But it does work both ways. If he loves you, shouldn't he make an effort? But then, if you love him, should you try to make him celebrate something he doesn't understand/enjoy? I don't know... I've never had the issue before. :\ I'm sorry.
I hate V-Day and I'm trying to compromise with my bf on it. I said that we could do something the day before or after. And if you really think about it, if he shows you on other days that he loves you then those days should be your V-day's :) Feb 14 shouldn't mean anything, love should be shown all the time!
I used to wish for the typical v-day because I had never had one either. My boyfriend isn't very romantic, but he tries. He also tries really hard on v-day because he knew it was important to me (even though he probably didn't care). Now that I had those special days, I'm over v-day, I got the fancy dinner in Beverly Hills, the diamond necklace. Now as long as we spend a little time together thats all I care about.
Just talk to him, tell him how you feel. Just think simple when you tell him, if your talk gets complicated he will tune out. It's a guy thing lol. Good luck!
Maybe making a big fuss about it would be a not-so-great idea, but I would suggest talking to him about it. Find out why he hates it so much that he'd adamantly refuse to celebrate it, even if it's basically harmless and only makes you happy. Express how you feel about finally having a real Valentine, and maybe things will turn around for the better. Good luck!
If he thinks valentines day is pointless, he should learn this
St. Valentine was a martyr ...for a VERY romantic heartbreaking reason...
this...@SerenaDante@xanga - the above info might help you too.
Valentine's Day is rather pointless to me.
If I happen to have a boyfriend when that day rolls around, I find it amusing to wish him a happy Valentine's Day, and then I proceed to go about my day like I normally would.
Of course, food or gifts are appreciated anytime they're given out.
You know what's even better than getting chocolates or flowers on Valentine's Day? When your boyfriend gets you chocolates or flowers on any other day of the year and tells you, "Just because I wanted to thank you for being my girl."
@wolvenchic@xanga - Haha, I have actually told my boy the story of St. Valentine before. He was just like, "Yeah but I still don't like all the fuss over the holiday." Oh well, non-romantic guys... Lol.
@SerenaDante@xanga - he just doesnt like the idea of commercial crap i guess. I used to hate Vday until realized how romantic it really was <3
I personally don't think V-Day is something that is necessary for all couples to celebrate. The flowers and candy you talk about wanting to receive from him on this day, why can't you receive it on your guys' anniversary and be just as happy? The holiday is very much commercialized, just like Christmas. Instead of Christmas being a holiday to spend with your family and friends, consumerism suggests that it is only truly special when you have gifts to accompany your visits. But in the end, he can at least take you out to dinner. I think I would make a big deal if he decided he didn't want to celebrate your guys' anniversary.
@SchoolSpirit17@xanga - Because some guys don't show their affection every day of the year. But I guess if they're not very outwardly affectionate during the year, they'd probably hate the idea of Valentine's day even more...haha. I say save it for the day after Valentine's; candy on sale... =] Hahah.
I can understand your boyfriend Valentine's day sucks. Valentine's day is technically a holiday for women/girls, guys usually have buy candy, flowers, stuffed animals and carry their girlfriends out to dinner in some fancy restaurant and pay for everything ofcourse but all the guy gets is a card and a peck on the cheek. Although if I had a girlfriend I would feel really guilty if I didn't do anything or buy anything for her for Valentine's. He should at least give you a card and a kiss.
@StrawberryShy@xanga - I concur!! It's one thing to dislike the occassion... it's another if he disrespects your liking towards it, and treats you even worse to make the point that he dislikes the day!!!
i think my boyfriend is like that too. he hasnt said anything about wanting to go out on vday even though im sure he has the day off, i dont however, but i would finish work around noon.
he hasnt mentioned getting me anything either, i said something to him about a present but not what it is.
i guess some guys just dont see the point? i guess i can't be bothered either.
Ew, even though he hates Valentine' Day, that's pretty sad.. not even a kiss? :( I think that's rude of him to do that. I mean, you are his girlfriend! But yeah.. it's already been a YEAR since then.. I think you should tell him how you feel about this. He should understand where you're coming from, or at least be understanding about it.
There is nothing pointless about a day to celebrate lovers. If you're asking "Why can't he love me like that?" because he has obviously been romantic with other ladies in the past and you know about it, then why are you with him if he isn't doing this for you? If you don't feel loved then set yourself free to find someone who will treat you like a lady, not his buddy. Paying your own way on a date? Pfffft. Find someone who is wild about you, not lukewarm.
If you want to celebrate it, why not with some of your girlies? Sure it's not exactly the same with your BF but you still have the love and affection as with your girlies?