I recently saw the post about
greeting people and I wanted to share my story.
I don't mind having kisses on the cheek when a person greets me. I have family from Peru and they do it all the time when we see each other, but I had an odd experience at my college last semester.
My professor kissed me on the cheek...twice. Under what circumstances? We were talking about photography, my personal life (I'd had a rough time during that semester) and the "philosophies of life."
At first, I didn't think it meant anything because it was just a peck on the cheek. But after a few minutes, my heart rushed and I felt like I didn't know what just happened. So, I quickly told my boyfriend and he suggested that I should go and tell the professor that it was "inappropriate behavior"...but I didn't bother to.
The second time happened during finals. He wanted to talk to me about my grade and work habits in the class.
Then subjects that pertain about my personal distressed life flooded into our conversation again. When it was time for him to go, he said, "All right, chica, I have to go give those kids a final. Do you want to come back and talk about this later?" I was scared of his intentions, so I rejected his offer. He hugged me, then gave me another kiss on the cheek. I said farewell and quickly left the campus that day.
Considering the circumstances, do you think it was appropriate for my professor to kiss one of his students on the cheek? Why or why not?
What do you think I should have done?
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Comments (144)
is he hot?
just kidding. let him know. it's inappropriate because it's a student/teacher relationship.
That's a tad inappropriate. Maybe you should have told him.
I think that it's ok for him to have done that, due to the circumstances. Although, it also depends on how comfortable you are with this professor and his other behavior towards you. Is he overly affectionate to you, in class or outside of class? (other that those pecks, I mean) Do you see him giving you weird looks during lecture? Does he seem to favor you in any way?
Also, it may just be in his personality to be affectionate like that, or it may not. Take everything into consideration, and if you feel uncomfortable, just tell him (in a nice way) that you are uncomfortable with him being so affectionate with you, and that you'd rather him not be so.
Good luck (:
that's highly inappropriate for a faculty member to interact with a student that way, no matter how friendly a person is. i would document this and see if there was anyone else who witnessed this also. proceed with caution and if it happens again, maybe say something. though you have to be very careful b/c clearly the person is not aware that this is inappropriate behavior. they may get defensive and/or cause more problems for you. i'd just make sure you weren't in a position to be alone with that individual/always have someone else with you. document the behavior and your grades also.
It depends... Maybe he's just a caring guy. I've given numerous girls AND guys kisses on the cheek before when they're feeling down, because I know that it might help brighten their day a bit to know that someone cares about them... Maybe not that someone is in love with them, because usually I'm not, but the display of affection shows that they have affection from someone, even in the form of friendship.
I understand that you're a caring professor, and I appreciate that, but I feel uncomfortable that you're doing such and such... to me, please understand.
I think it's a bit inappropriate for a professor to be kissing his students on the cheek, especially a student of the opposite sex. I've seen female teachers kissing female students when they come back to visit or something, but that's about it. I also think it is wrong for him to be discussing your personal life with you. If it happens again, you should tell him you feel uncomfortable, but I think a line has been crossed, intentionally or not.
I'm a graduate student hoping to become a professor soon, so I experience this sort of thing at both sides: I still find myself in uncomfortable situations with professors who cross the line of professionalism, and I have to be really careful with how I behave toward the undergrads that I teach.
I think your professor's behavior was inappropriate. He's in a position of power, and can easily abuse it. That's how sexual harassment cases happen, after all.
My advice is to keep your interactions with your professors strictly professional. Don't talk about your personal life! Don't accept hugs or kisses on the cheek. Don't interact outside of the classroom or office hours.
I realize this is frustrating, because a good deal of professional advancement does depend on establishing personal relationships. I see it all the time-- My colleagues who get all buddy-buddy with their professors tend to get better support for their work (better teaching jobs, research assistant positions, fellowships, etc.). But for me, it's just unethical. It should be about the work and the work only.
Bang him for an A.
Depending on his age, he might have felt like you needed a hug and a kiss because you were having a hard, stressful life at the moment. Maybe he just cares about you, but that is only depending on how good your relationship is with him.
bordering on inappropriate. obviously you are not a minor but its not appropriate in a professional relationship
If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not appropriate, but if you don't really see anything wrong with it, then it shouldn't be a problem.
If he gets too close to your mouth or a little too friendly, well I hope you make the right decision and tell someone.
@outspoken_nessa@xanga - wow, she said she wasn't that way. Although there are male students that would rent a female body for that reason. lol
I agree with LidoAznChickXD. One of my teachers and I are very close. We talk about personal things all the time, and she always hugs me, maybe puts her hand on my leg, just little things. We even text all the time. haha. Your situation would be weird for me since it's a guy... but it all depends on your relationship with him. I would think over all of his tendencies towards you, like odd looks, or things like LidoAznChickXD mentioned.
Good luck!
For a professor, it is definitely inappropriate behavior. It can be taken in certain situations as sexual harassment. You may not think so, but it can. Which is why one of my professors only shakes hands and never gives hugs.
next time when he goes to do it, just casually say 'that's not very appropriate for our kind of relationship' (relationship meaning student/teacher) and if he questions the 'relationship' part make it clear you have a boyfriend and you're not interested. good luckkkkk, that's pretty awkk
I know that it'd bother me if I were in your situation. I would consider it inappropriate, not just because he's the teacher and you're the student, but also because he doesn't know whether he's breaking your personal "bubble" or not. (The fact he doesn't know it's making you uncomfortable is a problem, also.)
Maybe that's just how he says goodbye, I don't know. He may not have any form of intentions other than to kiss your cheek goodbye.
Creepy.
Avoid him or tell him you feel uncomfortable.
i think that it was inappropriate.
tell him it was inappropriate behavior and if he tries to go any further, i would report him.
NOT COOL.
even worse if he's closer to your age than like 80 or something. to make things not as personal, just let him know.it's a lot easier writing this than actually doing it but just casually say it if he says things like and be firm, and then end with your usual, idk, see you later or something. or comment on a lecture in a positive way.good luck!
It would probably catch me off guard, but he may just be trying to show you that you have a friend.
This is probably something you'll have to go with your gut with. None of us will know what his intentions are because we weren't there, but you could probably tell by listening to your instincts.
Sketchy.
i think the only time it is ok is if you happen to actually be friends with teacher (like they are an actual family friend or relative). other than that kissing on the cheek seems really inappropriate. I quick hug.. yes. a kiss?? ummm negatory!! i wouldnt make a huge deal of it and freak out.. just tell him you dont like to be touched. thats what i always say.Â
Any chance he's gay? I've had experiences like that with my gay professors that would have made me extremely uncomfortable had they been straight.Â
But like someone said, if it makes you uncomfortable, then it's inappropriate... so whether he swings that way may not make a different to you. Just throwing it out there.