I was having a chat with someone I'd met online and he was asking why I hadn't been out to the clubs/bars lately. I told him it was because I didn't like getting groped and touched by random creepy men and that it all seems to come down to some sort of vertical sex on a dance floor. It just wasn't my deal. He then asked something I'd never really thought about before... "but why are they creepy?"
I thought about it. I wanted to say "because he had his sweaty little paws all over me without my permission" but that's not right. Is it? What really does make someone creepy? Is there really a good way for a man to approach a lady in a club to dance with her? I know for certain that just coming up behind a girl and just rubbing your entire body against her isn't the way it's properly done, but then again, what is?
I'd never really considered before how hard it must be for a guy to see a girl dancing in a club (or wherever) looking amazing and want to dance with her. I guess from his point of view, it goes something like: She's dancing. I'm dancing. Let's dance together. But that's not the way we girls see it... so what is the way to do it?
How can guys approach girls in a club/bar setting without being the token creepy guy? Is there even a way?
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Comments (63)
I agree with you that I don't really want their sweaty "paws" all over me but like you said...how does a guy dance with a girl without her thinking it's creepy...I guess it's just the way that WE want to see it.
Idk really. Tapping the girl on the shoulder and asking, "wanna dance?" Something like that...idk. Lol...
No lame pick up lines. You just walk up to them and ask if they wanna dance. And when you start dancing you don't immediately start to dry hump her. Start with a little distance, a little respect and slowly make your way closer.
Or at least that's the way I'll like it to be done.
YES.
don't say more than "hi."
read her body language.
adjust accordingly.
[insert pickup line: context specific.]
I'm not really sure, since I don't go clubbing much at all. When I do, I usually just want to dance with my girlfriends. I guess a good "Hi, would you like to dance" might work...not with me but maybe with someone else.
I think if the girl is already dancing trying to yell over the music with name introductions might be akward/hard, but instead of just jumping behind the girl without the girl being able to see who is suddenly all up on her, coming up face to face, dancing "near" each other w/o touching, some smiling and if she seems interested enough slowly moving towards her (making sure what he does its okay). If all is going, asking if she wants a drink in a bit or something is always good for the name exchanging... I think its just nice to at least see who is trying to grind against you and having them respect your ability to reject them or not.
be cute and ask if she wants to dance.
instead of beelining her from across the floor and grinding your 2" penis against her.
yes guys, get yourself a wingman, and watch the old episodes of mystery's the pickup artist. i think it was on vh1 or mtv a while back. guys everywhere can learn a lot from it. also bucketfulls of self esteem are good.
HAHAHAHAHHAHA.
i love love love you and this weblog :)
i'm an avid clubgoer and things happen, definitely. i guess it really depends who you are and what you want and what you think you can handle. true, if you go to a club, you're taking the chance of having some guys rub their hands all over you, pull up your dress higher than it already is, and maybe if they're lucky, their tool will be grazing the cloth on their boxers which is grazing his pants which is grazing your dress which is grazing your ass.
some girls are down with the "groping" and random guys. it's fun. it's exciting. it makes you feel hot. those are probably some answers you here. other girls will say it was gross and theyre never going again but i think in this time and age, most people will know through past experiences or friends that going to a club is on you and you will most likely have some nasty encounters. but i figure, take the chance, have some fun, tell the guy no, walk away, or actually dance with him. some guys there will be cute and courteous, but it's always a chance :)
Umm.. you realize you're at a club right? lol i mean im not saying it gives a guy a right to put his hands all over you. However.. if you get offended by it, maybe the club scene isn't for you. plus.. how else are you supposed to 'flirt' with someone at a club? i personally don't want some guy yelling in my face.
I actually had the best luck dancing and grinding up with girls at a gay club with a friend of mine. I'd ask the girls if they'd wanna dance, and since there's two of us and two of them it usually works out pretty well. But I've also been rejected dozens of times, it's just how it goes.
Just smile, look them in the eye, and be friendly. That's the best way to not creep them out. =)
I'm not sure you can avoid being creepy at a club. That's one reason why it's just not my scene.
Good question. Guys and girls seem to approach clubs differently. A lot of times it seems girls go to dance and have fun with their friends. Guys go to clubs to pick up girls, or at least hope to pick up girls. Unless they are with their girlfriend. That's the #1 goal.
So if you're a girl and you're at a club, be prepared to deal with guys. Where else are we supposed to meet girls if we aren't in school anymore and don't know any friends of friends, the internet? ha. Bars and clubs. Social places where people meet people. Why is that creepy to girls?
um....i think the best way is just to do it the "old fashion way" and go and ask the girl if she would like to dance with you. there's a 50% chance that she'd say yes 1, out of dunno what else to say, 2, totally flattered that you were "gentlemanly" to ask instead of grabbing her waist and making her grind on you.
but that's my opinion. i don't like guys wanting to buy me drinks cause it gets me thinking, "do they think i'm that easy that a few drinks will have me in their bed?" but the dancing is just like putting yourself up there and maybe you'll be set up for failure or success....hopefully you haven't picked the bitchiest of bitches....
All a guy has to do to not be creepy . . . is ask. A simple, "Hey, would you like to dance?" will suffice! If she says no, just back off and find another girl to dance with, if she says yes, dance, maybe make small talk, creepiness gone! That's how I met my boyfriend!
the person who wrote this post is really a guy isn't it
I have only had one experience where I felt the guy trying to pick me up was not being creepy or lame about it.
First of all, he flirted a bit. Not a lot, and not intensely. I was playing a game that he was in line for, and he made a few funny remarks. Not overboard, but enough to get my attention.
Then he took the time to strike up a conversation. Not a pick up line, a real conversation. And he had something to start it with, since we were playing the same game earlier. It was brief, but because he did so, later on when he approached me it was like seeing a familiar face.
He was nice, formally introduced himself, and we instantly discovered a common interest. I would later find out this was due to some probing on his part. He got information on me from the friend that I was with and didn't use it to trick me, but to find out what we had in common.
Then, after I felt comfortable around him, he (gasp) ASKED me to dance. There was nothing creepy about it. I had an out if I needed one; I could always say no or make up an excuse. Then he let me lead so there was no confusion about the definition of dancing (aka - no vertical sex).
And best of all, he didn't try to score that night.
Fellas, please take a tip from this guy. He got my number at the end of the evening. That's rare for me.
I have been going out clubbin since I turned 18 two years ago and I have ran into all types of guys at the club.
I think a guy should ask permission, and if declined just walk away. As fast as you approached the girl you should respect her wishes and leave. Guys think that just because a girl is dancing crazy or w/e it means she is easy and it is not always the case.
I can say that as the years passed I've met more nice guys then pervs, which is a good thing! All i can say is ask dude!!
lol thats funny cuz u kno either way a guy comes up to u, u'd still think he was creepy or something. i mean if he came up to and said hi u'd probably be like, what the heck. do i kno u? o__O haha so yeah i dont think there really is a way to approche a girl without creeping her out but at least they should be less creepy and ask to dance with you instead of jus gettin their "paws" on us girls =] it'd also be polite and at least shows that we can have our space >:]
If you're Chris Brown, just do it :P
fuck shady ass cock blockin hoes and their asian circle. i just bring myself a beezy and holla at chill ass girls dat arent full of themselves cuz im a 9 and i dont take shit from no 6s u feel
if shes dancing maybe go over to her dance a bit but not too close, she'll let u in if she wants or not and shake her head if she doesnt. and thats all polite.
in a bar, guys should approach women as themselves...nice convo something interesting to start off...always genuine....something funny about what's going on.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - LOL pretty much. Jkkk XD
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - aah you beat me to it!