Thursday, 29 January 2009
-
"Do I Like Him Only Because He Likes Me?"
My friend Tara is having major relationship problems. She just found out (from a third party) that her BFF's brother is head over heels in love with her. At first, this came as a complete shock to her. But then as she reflected on their relationship, she realized that he had been sending her some rock concert-loud signals...but she had been deaf to them. Now that she knows he likes her, however, she's beginning to feel the same way.
Why is this a major relationship problem? Well, that's what I asked. She said that she's worried that she only likes him because he likes her. She said that whenever you find out that someone is in love with you, that person becomes more attractive to you because you're flattered by their affection for you. It makes sense, but I don't know anyone with this issue so I couldn't help her.
What I did tell her that she should go out with him and then she'll know if she really likes him or is just flattered by him. Tara said that she doesn't want to lead him on like that.
What do you think? Is it possible to like someone simply because they like you? What should Tara do?
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (76)
I liked my husband as a friend and I wasn't interested in him as more until he one night was like, "Kym...I like you. We could have a really good relationship together. Just give it a chance." I let myself enjoy the feeling of being liked and grew to "like him too.
And what happened was that we fell in love and now have a GREAT marriage. :)
Giving it a chance can't hurt, she just needs to be very honest from the get-go.
It's definitely true that when someone likes you, you start to like them back a bit more. This can be both a good and bad thing - it can lead to wonderful relationships (like my own, since I didn't like my boyfriend at first but now I absolutely love him without any doubt), or it can just lead to disappointment. Tara should consider if it's worth it, considering those two things.
I wonder if there is a little truth to that. I've done it before, completely missed the signals a guy was throwing my way until he told me he like me. I don't know if always applies so I would tell her to see where it could go.
I think she should give him a chance. I've gone for guys just because they've liked me and sometimes its worked and sometimes it hasn;t. I think knowing that someone likes you makes you look at them in a different light and I mean that in a positive way. You start noticing things. There's no harm in trying a few dates. Test the waters!
This happens to me all the time. I end up reflecting back on my relationships just wondering WHY. I'm right now trying my very best to be single and wait until I can really fall for someone. I never knew anyone felt like this and I thought I was a complete anomoly. I wish I could give help, but I can't because I REALLY struggle with that. I end up seeing the good in every guy and I end up with a relationship that shouldn't even have been started. But not everyone is as much of a screw up at love as I am, so I think she should go for it. I think risk in love are always worth taking...
that happens to me ALL the time. only, i realize it eventually, and i look like i led him on...
oh very common this is!
haha happened w/my boyfriend and I.
he like me, I didn't like him, but then....when I found out, I began to be more attracted to him.
and now I love him con todo de mi corazon <3
I think that's pretty common to feel that way when you find out someone has feelings for you. Sometimes that's all it take to make you realize unconscious feelings you may have had for that person. That has happened for me a couple of times, which lead to successes. I would tell her to just give it a chance and see what happen. As long as she doesn't feel like she forcing her feelings for him it could definitely work out.
I wouldn't know, no guy has said he is head over heels in love with me, try it, I think if a guy said that to me, I'd at least give it a try! Of course if he met my high standards, I wouldn't go out with a complete stranger or anything!
I hate it when this happens to me. The moment on the other guy tells me he likes me, he suddenly becomes more attractive to me, then I start thinking that maybe I like him too. But after a few days, the feeling wears off.
I say that Tara should give him a chance at least. If she likes what she sees, she should go for it.
My parents were concerned about this very thing with my brother and his gf. They have been dating for almost 2 years now, so who knows. At the same time, I've flirted with girls simply because they flirted with me, things got more intense, I knew they liked me a whole lot, but in the end I realized that I didn't like them. It could turn out good, but I'd be careful.
Is Tara ready for a relationship? She needs to figure that out, and then act upon it. Friends can become lovers, but it might get awkward for you if they date and break up.
I agree be up front with him. Go out with him once to see what its like for you. This happened to me, four years later I'm still with him.
She should give him a chance.
Yeah its possible, it happens to me all the time.
I agree with you. I think she should go out with him to see if she really likes him more than a friend or if she's just flattered that he likes her. If it works out, great. If not, at least she knows where she stand and she could be honest to him about it.
The whole "going out on a date with you" is not misleading at all. It's about experiencing how it would feel like to be in a relationship with that person and/or if you would like to get to know that person more. Going out on a date don't hurt. It's actually a gain.
I have a few guys who had crushes on me. Most of the time, I am flattered that they like me. But I never really take the next step unless I am attracted to them and want to get to know them more as well.
I know girls that do this all the time. They discover that someone likes them, and suddenly they have these pseudo-feelings or something. It's all in their head because they desire so much to be in love.
Heck, it's happened to me too.But I don't let it happen anymore, because it's a waste of my time and his. The magic eventually disappears when you figure out that there's nothing else.
Oh, but I guess she could give it a try. The dating thing. It could work.
Tara should do whatever she wants to do; its her life.
I think she should give him a chance. It's normal that she's more attracted to him because he likes her. I've heard before, that when thinking towards your life in the future, or actually just in general, it's more important to find someone that loves you a lot rather than someone you love a lot but they don't return the same love.
uh, sure it's possible. it's definitely not always smart, however, and i've experienced how dumb it can be -- thankfully not on my part. just because i had two girls fighting over me didn't make me more attracted to them -- i wasn't even attracted to them to begin with.
if you don't like the guy, just say you don't want a relationship with him, and find someone you actually like.
i was led on by a girl for months who all but professed undying love for me, and whom i helped comfort through hard times in her life, and she never made it clear to me that she wasn't at all willing to commit to me.
i'll tell you what -- spare the guy's heart and don't lead him on like that.
well... my current boyfriend right now, told me he liked me while he was drunk. but we were just really good friends. O: and i never really saw him like that, so when he told me it caught me off guard, threw me off. i was already seeing someone else, but it wasn't great. i was falling out of like with my boyfriend of the time. sooo, here's my really close friend, who's always been there for me. knew something was wrong, and always put a smile on my face. attractive, and nice. :) a great friend. we always hung out.
i didn't try to make it awkward afterwards, i was just really embarrassed being around him. he made my heart flutter and skip a beat everytime. it was the most sincerest honest confession i've ever had in my entire life. :) i spent a lot of time with him and realized i've always liked him, but there were other things in the way. so, i gave it a chance.
and here we are now, still happily in love. :)
That's happened to me before... and I didn't realize that I liked him for liking me until a while into the relationship, when I realized "oh crap, this isn't what I really want." I really did like him, or I thought I did... and I do still like him as a friend, as I did before, but it's pretty easy to fall for someone just because they like you, without even realizing that that's the reason.
So, it does happen... so she should probably wait a while and think about it, and see if she likes him, or maybe even go out with him (non-exclusively) for a while to see if that's what she wants. If she likes him, I'd say go for it. :)
She should also probably look at life before knowing he liked her... if she ever thought about him romantically, or crushed on him, then that points towards her actually liking him, but if not, then anything could be true.
It's a hard situation to be in.... :(
i think that she should give it a chance, but she needs to be honest from the start. something as simple as, "i'm not sure that i feel as strongly about you as you do me, but i'm willing to see where things go."
besides, if she was sending him signals, she must have some kind of feelings for him, even if she doesn't realize it (yet).
What I have to say is, I'm IN THE SAME BOAT as your friend. Turns out I like him a lot.. at least I think I do? You have this instinct when you know you like them. Follow your heart and see how it goes is all I have to say.
hope it turns out well!
I recently put myself out there and told a guy I liked him because it was obvious he liked me too. He was getting more flirtatious and trying to go further physically than I felt comfortable without a verbal commitment being made. When I put myself on the line, he told me he was leading me on and he shouldn't have acted that way. I guess the feeling of having a girlfriend was more attractive to him than actually having one. So, I'd say give him a chance if he says he's in love with you, but there are some guys who really don't know what they want and can hurt you after you lay your feelings on the line like I did.