Thursday, 29 January 2009
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Should You Call Your Ex on His Birthday?
My ex and I broke up a few months ago, and we have since ended communication with each other. It wasn't an angry end of communication, just a realization that talking was certainly not helping anything for either of us. So, with this ending of communication, I didn't really know what to do when it came to his birthday. It is always the looming thought that you need to call on your ex's birthday, and you should most definitely not forget. This is the one time in your breakup phase that you are supposed to contact this person to let them know that yes, you remembered, and yes, they are an important person to you.
But when they have set the "no talking" boundaries, what are you supposed to do? You don't want to call them, as that will only complicate the situation. But a text or e-mail seem a little less than perfect. How are you supposed to wish them a happy birthday in an appropriately "ex-significant other" kind of way?
In my case, I went with an e-mail. I tried to make it show that I had put thought into this mode of communication, and that I was trying to respect the boundaries that he set, but that I didn't want him to think I forgot about his birthday.
That was apparently a terrible idea. He wrote back to me about how selfish that was, and how he couldn't believe that I would use this mode of communication on his birthday. So an e-mail really was not the mode I should have used....but what could I do?
How do you contact your ex on his or her birthday? What is the best way to go about this type of situation?
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- From: pancakes@xanga
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Comments (105)
Haha.
I just went through this.
I called my ex on her birthday and she appreciated it.
When mine came around she had the audacity to not even try to contact me.
Fun times.
I don't, we are no longer together and whether or not they are important person in your life or not sometimes, it may have just been better to do nothing. My ex is my ex-husband and I may wish him a happy birthday now because we have become friends, but in past years no I would not. And if there was a no communication boundary set... your ex may have been upset no matter how you did it.
Never, nothing good can come from this.......
My ex used to bring over a birthday card for me and I used to call him. Then I realized that even doing that was still trying to hold on to him to some effect, so I stopped.
We don't talk now and I'm fine with that.
Personally, I wouldn't have contacted him at all if there was a "no communication" boundary in effect.
my answer? you don't. if they don't want to talk to you then you ARE being selfish by going out of your way to contact them on their birthday because you're not thinking of their wishes, merely your own, regardless if you only have good intentions.
you shouldn't bother wishing them a happy birthday until enough time has passed that you can actually call yourselves genuine friends.
and if you really can't resist.... write "happy birthday (ex's name)" on his facebook wall. it'll take you all of 3 seconds to do it, you satisfy your urge and its a gesture that holds minimal to no significance whatsoever.
if there is a no talking rule and he is the one that put it in place No. Why would you get in the way of his getting over you. If you want to do something send him a card in the mail. But still that is just another reminder that you are gone and may hurt him as well.
Honestly, he was just being a drama queen or trying to make you feel guilty. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a birthday email after you haven't spoken to each other in several months. He doesn't even deserve that email.
basically i'll send him text message.and thats all
I think it depends how you broke up... Personally I'd call them if we are on good terms and there are no hard feelings. I also don't think an email was a bad idea at all- i'd be very appreciative of this thoughtful action!
no talk boundaries mean no talking.....it's a lot easier to over analyze an email than a phone call only to further complicate things.
plus it's your ex and it's okay to care but to stick to the break up side of things i wouldn't have said happy birthday unless i ran into him somewhere.
the email would've been fine. but since he brought up that "no talking" rule, i think you should've just let it go. i think what he meant was no contact whatsoever.
Eh...don't even go there. Unless both of you are on good terms.
My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We never communicated in any way since the break-up and I have to admit I was waiting for him to call or at least send me an email on my birthday. That didn't happen..Needless to say, I was very disappointed..
Since then, I've decided to maintain the status quo..No point calling him on his birthday (which happens to be tomorrow!) when we're no longer friends..
email is Not All That Bad. Selfish? What the heck? Really? If anything....cold or distant but selfish? He's weird.
A text is good.
email is Not All That Bad. Selfish? What the heck? Really? If anything....cold or distant but selfish? He's weird.
A text is good.
email is Not All That Bad. Selfish? What the heck? Really? If anything....cold or distant but selfish? He's weird.
A text is good.
email is Not All That Bad. Selfish? What the heck? Really? If anything....cold or distant but selfish? He's weird.
A text is good.
email is Not All That Bad. Selfish? What the heck? Really? If anything....cold or distant but selfish? He's weird.
A text is good.
whoa....ooops.
If you were talking and on friendly terms, i would say yes.
But sense you aren't talk.. id say let it be and do not try to contact him.
no. screw it.
I've been sending a happy birthday text to my ex from high school every year since. But that's cuz we were friends before and after anything happened. We only talk maybe once or twice a year now but one time is always when I text her for her b-day. I'm actually engaged and my fiance doesn't even know I have her number so I feel kinda bad about it but don't mention anything cuz my fiance doesn't like her and gets jealous sometimes. Oh well, life will go on. My ex will prolly fade eventually but we were friends and I hate losing friends I guess.
It really depends on the relationship. If things ended badly, I would avoid saying anything. If things weren't so bad but you're still not sure if it's okay to call or even say "Happy Birthday" in person, an e-mail might have been okay.
I probably would've done exactly what you did, since it doesn't seem all that obvious what was okay to do and what wasn't. His reaction was kind of bitchy and rude, in my opinion. You don't need to deal with people like that, so don't even bother with him.
do yourself (and him) a favor and don't send him another communication of any kind, unless he initiates it and wants to still be cordial. clearly, he's still bitter and hurting. he didn't handle it well and could have been more gracious about it, but i think it's fair to say that he needs his space and distance from you in order to heal.
You shouldn't have contacted him period. What's done is done...don't open the can of worms again.