I Got Friend Zoned By A Guy

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

I Got Friend Zoned By A Guy
I met him last year at work. Shortly after we met, we started hanging out a lot and having a lot of fun together. It wasn't long before I started thinking of him as more than a friend and developed a crush on him.
He would do a lot of things for/with me. We would go running together, he picked me up from work (way out of his way) when my car didn't work, we'd go hiking, to the movies, and he'd even ask me out to dinner often. I started talking to some friends about how I was crushing on him and they all said the same thing. "He likes you - you know that, right?" I would reply, "If he likes me, then why doesn't he say/do anything? Why doesn't he make a move?" We all concluded he was too shy and that I should do something about it, but I refused, because honestly, a man should have the balls to make the first move.
By the time I finally got up the courage to do anything, he had gone on vacation for a month. We talked while he was away and I thought - we all thought - he was still interested. He came back a week ago and a few days ago we hung out at his place making sushi and watching TV. It was a really fun night, except, again, he didn't make a move. It got late and I went home frustrated as all hell. I started venting to a friend and I just decided to ask him how he felt about me.
So I texted him - pussy way of doing it, I know - but I did, asking him how he felt about me, and he said "I think you're great! I like hanging out with you, I have a fun time, you're a really good friend." Wait, what?! I'm a friend? I'm confused. Was I just put in the friend zone by a guy? Is that possible?
I told a guy friend about it and he was baffled, he's never heard of something like this happening unless the guy was gay. He's not.
So what's the deal? Why would he hang out with me so much and do so many things for me if he wasn't at least somewhat interested?

Have you ever been put in the friend zone? Have you ever put anyone in the friend zone? What did you do?

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I wish I could get friend zoned by more guys...O.o
- 1/27/2009 10:06 PM
- FallenReign@xanga (message)
- reply
awww I'm sorry. well if it makes you feel any better... i was straight up shot down by guys lol.

me: hey wanna catch a movie?
him: i gotta wash my car
(it was 9pm at night)

wtf!? lol it never stopped me from asking the next guy out though :o) maybe he doesnt know how YOU feel about him yet? or he's just not ready to be in a relationship. did he just get out of a relationship? (I did -- and I'm not in a hurry to date anyone now or get into a relationship). So there may be other circumstances as to why he doesnt express the way he feels about you. Try flirting with him and see how he responds. Maybe he has to see if theres any type of "romantic" chemistry between you two. But good luck!
- 1/27/2009 10:07 PM
- eyesochinky@xanga (message)
- reply
yes, nothing. were still amazing friends.
a relationship would have ruined that now that i think about it.
- 1/27/2009 10:07 PM
- outspoken_nessa@xanga (message)
- reply
You act like we can't do that? I've friend zoned quite a few women (and I've got a LOTTA balls doing that, lol!). Sometimes it just happens with the exact same reasoning you girls give us. We like ya, but there's no real romantic chemistry.
- 1/27/2009 10:12 PM
- Eternal_Nocturne@xanga (message)
- reply
Well, now it's come full circle, hasn't it?

I never thought I'd ask this, but if it's okay now for women to do everything guys can do (vote, become CEO's, Vice-Presidential candidates), then why it is only gay guys who can "friend-zone" girls?

I mean, that kind of goes with the chauvanist idea that all a guy wants to do is "get some."

So a guy can't genuinely want to be "just friends" with a girl?

I have some girl friends that I'd like to be more than that, but then there are some that I'd never want anything more with. Why's that a crime?
- 1/27/2009 10:12 PM
- icicle84@xanga (message)
- reply
im dealin with the same thing as we speak..er...type! I understand your frustration. He tells everyone Im his "homie" but his actions scream Im his "girlfriend" I get everything but the "title" I dont get it! Whats with that??
- 1/27/2009 10:14 PM
- Krystallion@xanga (message)
- reply
Hrm, if i was you i would think he was interested in me too. Well i haven't been in a similar situation because i've never firstly initiated how i felt to a guy before, cos i never make the first move.

But i have put someone in the friend zone, its good, his like my bestfriend now :)

Good luck with the guy
- 1/27/2009 10:14 PM
- wenDiies@xanga (message)
- reply
Wow. Recycling old topics already, datingish? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Totally been there. Totally done that. It sucks balls, but I love being his friend. It isn't what I want but it is what he needs methinks.
- 1/27/2009 10:14 PM
- MrsMok@xanga (message)
- reply
Um, I friend zone girls all the time. Sometimes, even if you are attracted to a girl, you can just go "mmm, nope, that would go nowhere". Other times, there are girls who are really fun to hang out with, but I'm honestly just not THAT into them.
Sorry to burst the bubble of "ladder theory" people, but EVERYONE has two ladders, just guys are less likely to be AS selective as women are.
- 1/27/2009 10:15 PM
- FireMapleSong@xanga (message)
- reply
Yup, been friend-zoned. Awkwardly, because he's now with someone...but that's just a whole other story. Worked out for the best, really.
- 1/27/2009 10:18 PM
- my0nlyh0p3@xanga (message)
- reply
@icicle84@xanga - wonderful comment and I totally agree. Yup, guys can friend zone girls just as girls can friend zone guys, for exactly the same reasons. I have a female friend that I think is pretty attractive, but she's only a friend to me because I know personality-wise we wouldn't work out.
- 1/27/2009 10:21 PM
- Roadlesstaken@xanga (message)
- reply
That's why you do it in person, and not via text. He probably misunderstood the question. Ask him in person next time. And make sure you're naked too.
- 1/27/2009 10:30 PM
- coolmonkey@xanga (message)
- reply
Lol ive got the same situation

he'd do everything, except for date me.

and everyone apparently thought we were meant to be.
- 1/27/2009 10:33 PM
- juliasays@xanga (message)
- reply
maybe you're just not hot enough
- 1/27/2009 10:35 PM
- aznsam999@xanga (message)
- reply
OMG! I know exactly how you feel..this happened to me for the course of 1.5 years! I kept hoping that it would eventually lead somewhere..but it never did. Idiot. I wish guys would straight up tell you how they feel sometimes. But that's why I have a great guy, now =]
- 1/27/2009 10:37 PM
- music_of_the_heart08@xanga (message)
- reply
Woah woah wait hold up!! Why do you think you've been friend-zoned?
You do realize, especially if he likes you, that he won't tell you over txt, ESPECIALLY if he's shy like you said.
If I were you, I woudn't completely put it in my mind that I've been friend-zoned. There is still hope!
- 1/27/2009 10:39 PM
- Spyder_V@xanga (message)
- reply
My best friend is a guy. We hang out, do fun things, go out to eat, tease relentlessly, watch movies, etc, etc, etc...BUT, we are just friends. It is possible to have the kind of relationship you have w/this friend of yours and remain "just friends."

Another thing, my best friend and I will always be just friends. We love each other, but it's not the mushy, sappy, romantic, gf/bf love...perhaps this is how your friend feels.
- 1/27/2009 10:40 PM
- Broken_Beautiful@xanga (message)
- reply
It is POSSIBLE for a guy to just want to be friends with a girl. Maybe your friends got wrong information when they told you he is interested in you. Why does a guy have to be gay to be friends with a girl to hangout and do things for?
- 1/27/2009 10:42 PM
- tony_asian_tiger@xanga (message)
- reply
@eyesochinky@xanga - LOL!! Wash his car!? That sux, I'm sorry for laughing. I've never heard such a ridiculous line before. ^^;

But yeah, I don't think you should worry about being friend-zoned. If he likes you wait until he grows up to become a man and say it. If he doesn't like you, just be friends. Don't freak out because he thinks you're a good friend. Unless you're the spoiled type to where any guy you're attracted to MUST think you're relationship material, then you would have to check yourself. But in the mean time...move on.=/
- 1/27/2009 10:57 PM
- Plastic_Alice7@xanga (message)
- reply
I think I'm always doing that to guys. I don't mean to. I'm just being nice by taking interest, hanging out with them, caring about them and then they usually misread what I'm actually trying to do!
- 1/27/2009 10:56 PM
- kaybaby666@xanga (message)
- reply
Ha, I've been friend-zoned before...it sucks. But hey, all you can do is just move on.
I've friend-zoned lots of people before, usually before they know it. My behavior depends on the person. Sometimes it's subtle hints that I only think of them as a friend, sometimes I just need to tell them straight. They tend to move on pretty quickly. If I'm really not interested I'll say I'm interested in some other guy, whether I really am or not.
- 1/27/2009 11:01 PM
- KasumiCelesta@xanga (message)
- reply
Over here. I am the Queen of Friend Zone. :/
- 1/27/2009 11:02 PM
- h0peLeSs_RoMaNtiC@xanga (message)
- reply
hmm yeaa I've done that, at least on my side - don't know how she felt. I hung out with her a lot - visit, cook, etc. People thought we were together, but for some reason I never made a move or asked her out.

I guess sometimes we don't want to mess up a friendship.
- 1/27/2009 11:08 PM
- MOJOJONO_X2@xanga (message)
- reply
Perhaps he isn't interested in a relationship right now...that is the only reason I can think of...
Actually I haven't ever been friend zoned or friend zoned anyone either...at least, if I did, I wouldn't know I did...
- 1/27/2009 11:13 PM
- Dobserver@xanga (message)
- reply
Oh geez. This sounds like my best friend and me.
- 1/27/2009 11:19 PM
- Vintagesque@xanga (message)
- reply