Monday, 26 January 2009
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Am I Being Too Picky?
So I've always been a hopeless romantic - the kind of girl that always dreams about her prince charming, the most perfect guy ever. And I have this fear about being deceived by a guy I think is perfect. Well, recently. I dated this guy. We broke up (mainly due to my indecisiveness) back in October, but he still likes me. A lot. I might even go as far as saying he's in love with me. I honestly found a guy that would do absolutely anything for me, from giving up going to a football game with his friends just to talk to me (not even hang out) to staying up all night if I needed him to. He's always there for me, still, no questions asked, even though I pretty much broke his heart.
He's the kind of guy that would do anything to see a smile on my face. He says he's willing to wait for me, and that even if there's a little hope that we might get back together, he wouldn't mind waiting or hanging around. And I keep telling him that he should move on, and if I do end up regretting breaking up with him, it was my mistake, and I'll end up dealing with it. But he refuses to listen...
So why don't I like him? To sum it up... he doesn't fit my vision of prince charming. I've always wanted a kindhearted guy...and a lot of people think this guy is a jerk. I've always wanted a guy that loves kids...while he doesn't mind them, he's not in love with them, either. I've always wanted a guy that would get along with my family instantly...and while this guy is social, he isn't exactly a polite, meet the parents kinda guy. Another thing is, due to his highly strict parents, I barely see him. Like once a month, if I'm lucky. And there's an age gap of an year and a month (I'm older) so I'm a sophomore in college while he's still a senior in high school. Another thing is he can get super clingy...
But am I making the biggest mistake of my life by being too picky and not going for this guy that could give me the world? Or am I doing the right thing by not settling for less than what I really want? I'm stuck.
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Comments (76)
You always have to accept that a partner will have some things that aren't the ideal. But it sounds like you'd have to accept a whole load of things that are less than ideal with this guy. Probably not the best call to stick with him.
Settling is not good, you'll never be happy. Your demands don't seem too high, but just remember, just because something lacks doesn't mean they'll be great in something else. Basically, give things a try and you already did with him.
Yes, you are making a mistake.
You say this guy is seemingly a jerk - but clearly, he does have an extremely kind heart... Why else would he be wanting to do so many things for you? Why else would he be so clearly, helplessly in love with you?
Also, I'd like to say that my own boyfriend is two years younger than me. At first I as completely against the relationship, but after he convinced me to be with him for at least a little while, I knew I didn't want to let him go.
So maybe you should give this guy another chance. Who knows... Maybe he's your Prince Charming in disguise =)
yikes the whole missiv wuz summd up for me by yer descripshun of him az being super clingy danger will robinson do not settle for this guy clingy iz bad & cud lead to werser but hey thatz just my two centz keep waiting the right guy will kom along usually wen yer not looking for him
You aren't being too picky. Settling is not good. I was just dating a girl who had all these great qualities, treated me like a king, and my mom adored her, but I was just not too into her. I mean, I liked her...but not enough to keep dating her (especially since she lived in another state). Now I feel better that we broke up.
Personality is #1, if you love their personality, and you have chemistry between you two. Those are the most important things I think.
Do not settle.
But do remember that you're going to end up with a HUMAN. Don't go past human standards.
I totally dated this guy last year for a few months that was a wonderful boyfriend. everything that my ex from before was not. he filled the void that was missing in my long 4 years of a relationship into a sum of 3-4 months. But even though he was everything that my ex boyfriend of 4 years wasn't... I ended up breaking his heart. I stopped liking him. I don't think you're picky. We can't help the way we feel, so don't dwell on it. Yeah it sucks for the guy, but you ended it therefore, move on and find someone new. I did and he's amazing. :)
Another thought... A lot of girls want a friendly like prince charming guy, but sometimes when they do meet one, they don't want him. I don't know, maybe he's not the RIGHT prince charming. lol.
my now ex bf, that was a really great boyfriend... he bought me flowers everyday (when my ex bought me only on special occassions), he actually loved me and i could feel his feelings coming through. He MADE me things, when all the things my ex gave me was bought (and i wanted him to make things for me), and etc.
But there were other things that bothered me about him that tootally turned me off. So i broke it off, and now i'm happier. lol even if my current boyfriend now isn't that great as a boyfriend, with the whole showing pda and love and giving flowers or not as romantic as my last, but i'm happy with him. I love him for him and he loves me for me as well.
:D I hope you find happiness too.
Don't settle for anything less than your heart desires.
At the same time, you need some wiggle room. However, the "standards" you have seem pretty fair. If having kids is important to you, then naturally your SO should want kids too. Getting along w/the family is def a good quality to have. Etc, etc, etc...
You are soooo young tho! Don't give up too easily.
:e)
@reminisce - You summed up everything I tried to say haha. I had the exact same experience.
I had the same problem, except the guy was older than me by a month.
His parents were super strict and he would always cancel stuff to go out with me too X_X
I know how you feel.
I wanted to test out the waters - I was with the guy for three years. I felt really guilty and I still feel guilty, but if I do end up dating others and end up feeling that he is the only one for me, I will be able to give him my whole heart.
Sorry if that didn't make sense X_X
i'm sorry to inform you, but prince charming doesn't exist.
you are never going to find the perfect man.everyone deserves some wiggle room, because nobody's perfect. this guy sounds like a good one. you say how amazing he is, but that he's a jerk? it doesn't sound like he is. there's nothing wrong with dating someone younger than you, and that's also the reason he's not totally for kids. he's a senior in high school, he shouldn't be wanting kids right now anyways.
now, that said, settling is never good for a relationship. I wouldn't suggest going out with him if you don't like him. but i think you need to drop the prince charming thing, because nobody can be that, and you're going to end up passing up a lot of amazing guys if you keep looking for one that fits every one of your criteria.
You are not picky, you are just living in a fairytale. The prince charming you see in movies, you read about in romantic novels...well, they don't exist in real life. You need to move your preference of guys from fairytale to reality.
If you REALLY want to be with him, then go be with him. With that being said, make sure you are not settling. Also, base on what you said, I am not sure why you would want to be with him.
A GIRL CAN NEVER BE TO PICKY DONT SETTLE WHY WASTE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE TRYING TO CONVICE URSELF TO LOVE SOMEONE WHOM U DONT EVEN LIKE
Liking someone isn't a logical exercise, but it comes from - wait for it - your heart.
The list of things you like and dislike about him sounds fairly balanced; nothing sounds like a red flag (like abuse or adultery). So it doesn't look like the list of his qualities aids in your decision, unless items on it are things you DEFINITELY do not want to compromise on, like HE MUST LIKE KIDS or I won't date him.
(Keep in mind - he's a senior in high school, so he may not be crazy about kids until he's older. I didn't like kids until I was around 20).
Instead, you got to look into your heart (yes, it sounds cheesy, but it's true) and ask yourself if you want to date him, be in a relationship with him. Take the logic out of it, and go with your gut. Taking everything about him into account, do you like him enough to date him?
If your answer is still indecisiveness, I think that's your answer: it's a no. If I truly liked I guy, I would not hesitate to date him, be with him, and, most importantly, I would feel like I wanted to be with him.
You probably saw this, but this might answer your question.
http://www.xanga.com/jigg/689129071/settling/
As he said it... find the right person for you, not the person right for you at the moment.
I don't believe you're being picky. Rather, I believe that you have your head in the clouds instead of on earth where it should be. There is no such thing as Prince Charming simply because nobody is perfect. He's going to be great in some areas and really lacking in others.
You shouldn't settle for less than what you want, but you also need to allow some wriggle room too. Nobody is perfect. He may be terrific in some areas but may be lacking in others, and it is something that you just have to learn to accept and if you can't you shouldn't be in a relationship with the guy.
You can't make yourself feel attracted to someone. I've come across a lot of guys that really liked me and would probably treat me with so much respect and love, and yet I had no feelings for them. It's not wrong if you feel that way.
The guy doesn't really sound "nice", but whipped. Don't settle, I know everyone else already said it, but it's true.
Patience is the key to finding the right person. Don't get desperate and don't settle. You'll find the right guy!
for me love is patient
I dated a guy who was a year and so so months younger than me. I was a sophomore in college and he was a senior in high school too. He was almost everything that I wanted in a guy but when I was dating him, I felt like the "man" in the relationship. He wasn't exactly my 'prince charming' either and till this day, I don't regret letting him go.
You know what you want so do what's best for you. He could treat you right but you never know. There are still plenty of fishes in the sea with good qualities as well.
Look, you've had your standards since even before he came. Since he didn't fit them, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. If you don't like him, then that's that.
Or it could be that you're just not ready to be with him. Or the time just isn't right. Or he may not even be "the one", so just let it go. Remain friends if you want but don't give him the false hopes.
I dont think your being too picky.
You maybe need to be less picky, but it is not ur problem if this guy still loves you. IF you dont love him , just tell him and ignore him. Because, if you dont, you might miss out the real prince charming that may come your way.
I agree with LifeWriter07@xanga
find someone in college... ur in college!
There's no such as an ideal, perfect guy. They will always be flawed in one way or the other. Life is not like the movies.
A big part of love is about making compromises. The guy that you are describing seems to be able to do this. For example, you said that he's seen as a jerk? Well, in your description, he seems kindhearted because he's willing to stay up all night if you need him to even though you broke up with him. He can't meet the parents? But he has super strict ones, so I'm pretty sure he knows what it's like to have judgmental, overprotective parents and would not act up in front of yours, especially if you tell him beforehand. Most guys at the teenage/young adult age don't want to think about having children. It's like way too early. This all changes when they have their newborn baby in their hands! (:
Don't be too picky or you might miss out on your Romeo! Good luck!