Miss Penguin I've written about kissing in the past, but I'm honestly astonished at the way some people kiss. Yesterday I went on a second date with the first guy I've met on plentyoffish. I will nickname him "the lawyer." He's nice, we get along well, but I hate his kissing style.
I just don't understand why some guys think they have to (or should) open their mouths wider than the girl's mouth. I have a pretty small mouth as it is, but this guy seems to insist on opening his wider no matter how wide I open mine. Are you trying to eat my face?
I really don't understand how anyone could think that's a good idea. Your lips should be touching my lips. Not my chin and the area just underneath my nose. I don't like getting slobbered all over or feeling like you're trying to eat me. And my lips want something to touch. That's the point of kissing - my lips should be touching your lips. If your lips are wider than mine, mine have nothing to touch (or they're touching your teeth or something...gross!)
But here's my question. How do you tell someone who's a bad kisser to change their kissing style? I've tried to send physical hints, but he doesn't seem to be getting it. I like him, but bad kissing is kind of dealbreaker for me, so if he can't fix it, I don't know how much longer I can stick around...
Comments (61)
LMAO! my last ex bf was a slobber when we first dated over 10 yrs ago. we took a break (almost a yr) and got back together again, this time around, he was a GREAT kisser. he claimed that he didnt get with anyone else after me, but somehow he stopped slobbering. he was also well aware of that problem too.
since i didnt have to correct his kissing technique, i have no real advice. but here's a suggestion... next time you guys kiss, try to take the lead. plant one on him when he least expects it... if he's still trying to gobble you down, pull back (kinda like you're teasing him?) and then move in slowly. at least that way he can follow your lead and see what happens. if that fails, then i'd say no more kissing LOL. if he asks, then maybe u can bring it up? but i think taking the lead and "guiding" him might work better. its like sex... you gotta draw them in. actions speak louder than words :o)~
I must be old fashion...I never kissed on second date. perhaps you can suggest you want to try something and ask him politely to just follow your lead? if this guy is open minded I don't think he would object...I know if a girl says that to me, I would be like "yeah sure"
@eyesochinky@xanga - I think that's pretty good advice. I'm a bit of a kissing chameleon, just following the girl's lead. Except for that one chick who seemed intent on licking my tonsils. That was just a bit much. Mostly I figure a girl kisses pretty much the way she wants to be kissed, so I just kind of mimic her style. Not sure if that's the best approach, but I've never had any complaints!
@dreamsofsweden@xanga - works everytime!!! lol jk.
My ex was like "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG". Even though she'd never kissed any guy before, and I'd never kissed any girl (or guy, for that matter). He-lair-e-us. Since neither of us were set in any sort of way, there were no toes to be stepped on, so we just kept trying different things until we decided it was good. Kinda like sex I suppose.
But for this guy? Telling someone that they've been "DOING IT WRONG" for as long as they've been kissing girls is a SERIOUS slap to the face. I'm just going to go with @eyesochinky@xanga on this one...
go to howto.com, type in kiss, print the page out.. then give him the sheet.
be gentle about it. "you should try _____" or "i love it when guys _____ when they kiss me" etc. hint around until he gets it. take the lead but don't rip his balls off in the process.Â
LOL you're hilarious! "do you want to eat my face?" haha.
this is a toughie. yeah i've had the same issue before... i say go to a bar, take a few shots, and start making out. then stop in the middle of everything and ask why does he open his mouth so big? then continue making out. hopefully he'll get the picture...
you can gently suggest to him, "I love kissing you, but every girl has different preferences and I really like it when __________" if he cares about you, he will appreciate the suggestion b/c he wants you to enjoy as much as he does. :)
i'm my boyfriend's very first girlfriend and at first he was kind of a bad kisser. you really just need to keep kissing and practice a bit. go slow and start with pecks, so he'll see that you want lip on lip action, not lip on teeth action haha :]
"i love it when guys _____ when they kiss me" That is an excellent suggestion, gypsybird. It is all about tact when it comes to things like this and this line doesn't suggest he is doing anything wrong, it just says I want you to take it up a notch. Guys like that. Another thing to keep in mind is the person's personality. Personally, I love joking around so if you made a joke out of it, (Your eating my face line for example) it would be a good way to go about it. If he is like me, if not, find another approach!
I SAY MAKE IT A GAME JUS BE LIKE LETS PLAY A GAME FOLW MY LEAD AND START OFF SHOWING HIM
I've met girls who've kissed this way before too. I've also had a girl almost bite my lip off haha. She thought she was a vampire. I told her that vampires bite NECKS, not lips (light biting is ok by me but...)
I guess some people actually do like that way of kissing? Or maybe they just don't know better. Personally, I would say "I want you to kiss me like this" and then show them the way that you want to be kissed. Or say, "I love it when you kiss me..." and then describe the way that you want to be kissed.
Oh my goodness, eat your face? :T
I don't have much advice, but more of a question: Would you ever kiss on a first date? In other words, when is the earliest date you would kiss a guy? or girl?
kissing is very important... im not sure how i'd tell a guy he was a bad kisser.... luckily for me I haven't had that experience as yet...
Even taking the lead doesn't work sometimes. I tried that with someone once and after a few seconds of me "telling" him what to do, he reverted right back to what he was used to doing. It was pretty awful, and an experience that I haven't been plagued with since (everyone that I've made out with on a regular basis since that guy has had pretty good kissing skills).
No harm in trying it though (meaning taking the lead). One kind of way to do it is to introduce him to the game of "Statue". He has to be still while you're kissing him (meaning that he shouldn't kiss back, but keep his lips soft), which will show him to some degree how you like to kiss and be kissed. Being formal (like with "i love it when guys _____ when they kiss me") with the guy might be awkward since he might take offense to you trying to tell him that his kissing skills need improvement. If you're more comfortable with that approach, though, go for it.
Lmao. My boyfriend used to be that way. But after a year of practice, he's much better and (USUALLY) goes for the little kisses. Sometimes he envelopes his mouth over mine, and I just pull back slightly and get a slower momentum going.
OH! That reminds me of a story. One night when my boyfriend and I were kissing, he was back to nearly eating my face off, and then I pulled back, and I guess I said "oww" and made a face, and then he was like, "Did I do something wrong? Is that bad?" And I was mortified. I had no idea what to say. Poor guy. It's been better sense then.
I once dated a guy who wasn't a very good kisser...but I felt terrible about it because I was actually the one who gave him his first kiss! It's not my fault *sob* Hopefully he's gotten better since then.
I guess you could break it to him gently. He might feel embarrassed but I'm sure he'd be open to some lessons ;) If he can't get over something like that, maybe you need to break things off with him.
Hahhaa I thought this entry was hilarious, because I can relate, my boyfriend has a huge mouth, not even kidding, ahaha, but it's okay, yet sometimes when we do get deep into kissing, I am being over powered by his mouth, then I have to pull back, so that it starts off slow again.
I remember this morning when he was dropping me off to school, we were kissing good bye, and I pause for a quick sec, and said ...your breathe stinks and smiled at him, I said it cute and nicely as I could, loll, but we still continued to kiss.
I don't know, but with me, If I want to say something truthful,[that might be mean], just say it as sweet as possible so it doesn't sound so harsh, or another way is "Now I'm going to tell you something, but promise not to get mad or offended" (something like that) and I do agree with the "I like it when guys..." thing ;]
The "are you trying to eat me" comment made me laugh! :)
My advice would be to first try to re-direct his kissing style. If possible, you can take the lead. My husband was a bit "messy" when we started dating but I was able to take the reins one day and lead the kissing and he was like, "wow...i've never kissed like that...it was great!" so...no more messiness....:D
If you can't do that...just tell him. Honesty might hurt but, I agree with Oprah saying "You can tell someone ANYTHING, it's all in the way you say it."
Good luck!
omgosh. i know what you mean with the kissing possibly being a deal breaker.
horrible kisses i've had in the past include....
vacuum cleaner mouth girl
i-want-to-crush-your-nose-with-my-nose girl
i-eat-your-face girl (similar to vacuum cleaner girl)
i-tilt-my-face-the-wrong-direction girl
and
i-don't-know-what-tongue-is girl
wow. i've had some pretty awkward kisses. i don't know how that reflects on me, though. for me, they never seemed to get the physical hints i'd pass because they'd be too far into the moment... :|
One of my biggest worries besides if I can click with the guy, is worrying about whether or not he's a good kisser as well.
Luckily, guys I've met lately know how to kiss.
OMG, I had this ex boyfriend back in the day though, who was such a slobber, ugh. Luckily he caught on to how I kissed, I didn't even have to tell him anything, and got a little better.
I'm not sure what to tell you, since you said that didn't work for you.
I follow the girl's lead and I won't do things to her if she's not comfortable with it in the first place.
i like it when i guys lets the girl take over sometimes. it gives them an idea on how we like being kissed.lol i 've had a few sloppy kisser. *yikes!* there is no nice way to telling someone. i think your handling it a little better then i did. i actually hurt the guys feelings ...but on accident i promise. i just got tired of being slobbered on :( he got it in my hair one time. that's where i drew the line. but the guys who usually let the women decide on what she wants and likes with-out pressure are usually the best kissers.lol. ok that lat one had nothing t do with it but you get me right?
haha,
i don't know if this will help but you can try?
"Let me show you how I like it. Stay still while I show you". & lead his mouth with yours.