I have been with my guy for almost a year now, and the other night i found an old journal of his. I opened it and saw something from a few days before he and I first hung out. He'd slept with some hot girl. At first, it didn't bother me because he didn't know me at the time, but I decided to ask him about it anyway.
He said she was a one-night stand; he had no feelings for her and he hasn't had contact with her, but he lied about her name. He told me her name was Stephanie, but when I told him I read it and knew her name was Courtney, he said he'd only lied about her name so I wouldn't try and find her (like I'm crazy or something). I remember the first month he and I dated, a Courtney texted him out of the blue and I told her to leave him alone. She stopped talking to him afterward; I guess that's why he lied about her name.
Anyway, the sex happened before he knew me, but only by a few days. It's been a year since that happened. Do I have a right to be mad, not just for the lies? Or am I just jealous?
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Comments (185)
I think it is a huge invasion of privacy to read someone else's journal. The only reason to ever do so is if they said you could. I would be really mad if someone read my journal. Relationships are about trusting the other person.
I think you're jealous sweety. I mean, he lied, but it sounds sort of like he did it out of protection for the two of you.. If he hasn't given you any other reason to distrust him, let it go.
What lies? So he didn't tell you the right name, but he told all other information, and clearly hasn't communicated with her since. If anything, he should be mad at YOU for looking through his stuff without, I assume, permission. You shouldn't be jealous, because this guy obviously cares about you.
I sorta went through something like this with my now-ex-bf. He didn't sleep with her but he did other things with her and I didn't like the fact he still talked to her. The one thing you have to remember is that it was before. It's in the past. If he's not talking to her anymore then you don't have anything to worry about!
I do understand the feeling and its really not nice but you guys have been together for a long time! That counts for something :)maybe he forgot her name because it was a one night stand and that was it lol. anyways, i don't think you should be mad.
A super simple solution would be (and pardon me for if this sounds rude, just bluntly stated) to not read his journal.
If someone asked me about something like that, I'd get defensive and might lie too. Did you ever pause to think that maybe he doesn't feel proud about it, and doesn't really want to discuss it?
Maybe just think if the roles were reversed and he read YOUR journal? Would he have a right to be mad about anything in there?
you seem a little... paranoid. In my opinion I might have done the same thing- she texted HIM and YOU told her to leave him alone? You didn't say what was in this text; was it just a "Hey, what's up" or a "Hey sexy, want to hit it up again"?
In the 1st case, I don't understand why you would say anything, in the second case you're justified.
In either case you didn't know the girl anyways so it's not like hiding the name really made a difference so long as you knew he had slept with someone previously. If it's been an entire year it's not really likely to have any effect on your current relationship. I would chill out and get over it already. And remember that nothing good tends to come out of reading someone's journal :)
i honestly don't think you should be mad at him about anything. so he told you the wrong name, so what? big deal. you invaded his privacy. and it's not like what you found was THAT big of a deal. it was before you guys first HUNG OUT. not before you dated or anything.
I think its normal. I mean girls are known to get emotional before thinking straight. Thats why we have men when we need logic lol.
You're freaking out about an old journal? REALLY?
It was a one night stand that happened way before he met you. It meant nothing to him (hopefully not her either). It's the past.
Get the fuck over it.
honestly you sound insane.
and telling another female to leave him alone when you JUST started dating him? you're on your way to "bunny in the pot" crazy.
That's jealousy rearing its big ugly head! He's yours now, babe. He hasn't talked to the other girl since then. You should pay attention to the signs of a jealous girlfriend, though: going through his stuff, replying to his text messages, your boyfriend disguising a girl's name so you don't track her down...that's jealousy.
well to start off it's an ivasion of privacy. *tsk*tsk...and it's normal for us girls to feel that way about oour lovies. no biggy hun. you said do yourself it happened a year ago, so there's no reason to stress and it might slightly have something to do with jealousy
leave it alone it was a long time ago
@evelynraymond8489@xanga - lol I agree...
@lovemonkeyy@xanga - she did state it was days befor not way before. But you drive a good point.
I say just get over it. It's done it's happened, there's really not much if anything you could do about it. And besides he chose you didn't he? He ha stopped talking to her already. Although if he did say it was just a one-night stand and it meant nothing he should have left it there and not kept contact after that night. But still, just get over it and move on.
A similar situation happened with my boyfriend of over one year.
I found out he got drunk and had a one night stand with a college girl three years ago. The only bad thing was, I found out through his best friend.
The only reason why I got so worked up over it, was that I have done some things with him, and up until that point, thought that it was alright we didn't get tested for anything.
I think you're a little jealous, which is okay. But just think that he chose you over that girl, and you've been together for so long.
@notjustanothergirl - lol I tend to exaggerate my point
Oh wells. It was before they dated, nonetheless ...
@lovemonkeyy@xanga - lol it's all good though. But yea if it's before it happened...
I understand being jealous, but I don't think you have any reason to be. He's being completely honest about it (minus the name, which I sort of understand) and it was before you met him, and almost a year ago. Don't worry.
1) Don't invade someone else's privacy. I don't care if it's an reading open journal or hacking into someone's computer, snooping is something that you should never do.
2) "It's been a year since that happened." First off, it's kind of ridiculous that you're getting this upset about something that happened a year ago. Secondly, it happened, it's done, and he's with you. If she had been some spectacular fuck, you probably wouldn't be in the picture.
3) This happened before he knew you. What right do you have to be mad about something that is in no way related to you or your relationship with your boyfriend? If he had fucked this girl after he met you, you might be able to make a weak case about being mad (although not this far after the situation).
Reign in the jealousy. It's unattractive and can cause the death of a relationship.
I didnt know that guys kept journals. I thought that was a girl thing. LOL! Anyhow, I know how u feel about being mad and angry about ur man sleeping with someone before u meet him. I got that way with my man cause he told me that he slept with a few girls that I knew of, it did make me mad too but the thing is I am with him now and the only one that he is sleeping with is. So, thats how I would look at it as not a big deal and that u have him now and she lost out.
I don't think you should worry about it until it clearly becomes a problem.
You violated his trust and his privacy, and you're the one who's angry?
My dear, I just glanced at your blog, and a glance is all I need. 1. You have crossed the vicky mendoza line, and you need to start moving back the other way. If this doesn't make any sense, then just know this: it's not a good thing. 2. It's not all your fault, you're in a bad relationship, and I'm stating that more based on your blog than on this post. 3. Read my blog, send me a message, you're approaching bat@$$ crazy, and whether it's just your personality or whether it's your relationship making you that way remains to be seen. The good news is, either way, it's time to go back to being single. If you need someone to talk to during the transition, send me a line. That's all I have to say...