So here I am, a 30-year-old single parent. I didn't ever think the word SINGLE would ever apply to me, but that was back in high school and college, when I was popular. Now I have grown up and the men I meet talk to me for a short period of time and then suddenly disappear. Sometime later, I will run across them and ask them what happened and why they cut me off. The answer I get, no matter how they try to sugarcoat it, is always the same: I intimidate them.
Now let me give you a picture of the kind of men that I find myself attracted to or or the ones that seem drawn to me: I get men who have one hell of a swagger on them. They aren't really street, but they aren't uptight, either. Most times, it is a good mix of the two.
In general, the men I encounter are confident, sexy in their attitude but not necessarily in looks; they are not into public advertising (in terms of how they perform in bed), their open-mindedness is limited, and for the most part, they have their shit together. Those are the men I find myself dealing with more often than not.
In terms of how they look, they are usually much larger than my 5'2" frame; the majority of them are anywhere from 5'9" to over six feet; they're usually not fat but are certainly on the thick side. Some of them are athletic and lift weights, while others have a physique from the type of work they do. So how does a pipsqueak like me intimidate someone like that? Maybe it's my open mind; maybe it's the boldness in how I approach them; I am uncertain.
My question is, why do men allow us to intimidate them and how the hell do we do it?
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Comments (35)
ha. i share you pain.
my friends say im intimidating but i'm 5'3 with a tiny build, i don't see how i can be intimidating to anyone especially guys who are 6"+. at least they dont call you downright scary like i seem to get.
I'm sure it has more to do with attitude than height or build, even between two men or two women. Confidence can be extremely intimidating! I've been accused more than once of being intimidating, and that is exactly why. You know your own mind and heart, you know what you want, how to get it, and know that you WILL get it...it's not up for negotiation. Nor is it a question that you can take care of yourself emotionally, financially, and any other way, being the independent woman that you are. Sometimes it's scary for others. :)
yay for short intimidating people! i'm 5'1", i've been told several times that i appear intimidating to people that i don't know. everyone i know already knows who i am, but i guess i just have this attitude that wherever i go, it's kind of like a "fck off or else" sort of thing. haha. everywhere i go, i like to "walk with a purpose." and that all started when i didn't want those people waiting outside stores and soliciting to come and talk to me. [x confidence is usually the intimidating factor :]
same problem, however when i've went further indepth with people they say its the confidence. if your ok with yourself and how you look, act and your intellegence its intimidating. i know i'm pretty. i know what i deserve, and i know what i want. that scares men...i think
haha short people are always more intimidating... i've noticed that a lot of people who are taller tend to be more mild... because their height does the intimidating for them (myself included.)
i dunno, i think you should wait to find someone who appreciates you for who you are. you wouldn't want to date some pushover who couldn't stand up to you cause he was scared of how intimidating you are anyway, right?
Geez, girl. You said a mouthful. I'm 5'2" as well, and I get that line more often than you'd believe. And not even necessarily from guys I'm interested in. I can ask one of my man-friends why some guy couldn't seem to give me appropriate attention and he'll say on occasion that I'm intimidating. It's frustrating and I'm still a teenager. What do I have or do that's so intimidating?
it seems as if you already know what the problem is: it's your boldness.
but to answer your other question, it's not that guys are physically afraid of you. we know we could cream the shit out of anyone your size, lol. but that's not how society operates...it operates on personality.
i'm not a particularly big guy--5'8 and average build, if not with a slight belly--and i've also been told before (by guys and girls) that i can come across as intimidating. maybe it's okay cause i'm a guy though, haha.
A lot of people - men and women - find me intimidating as well. And it has nothing to do with my height - I'm 4'11"!
As most everyone else has pointed out, it has to do with personality. I'm direct and outspoken, and I know what I want and what I deserve. Like @beiiveinme@xanga said, that belief in yourself intimidates people who aren't like that.
Not all men - or people, for that matter - are intimidated by other people. You just have to go find them, or let them find you. I've dated men who appear confident, but once I get to know them, I discover they are actually all looks and no substance. Or I discover that as confident as they are in themselves, I still scare them. Meh, I'll just find a guy who doesn't! You can too :)
Honestly, it sounds as if the guys you're attracted to feel as if they have something to prove- by lifting weights, getting "jacked," whatever. If I were you, I'd just accept that not everyone can handle a strong and independent woman and look for someone who maybe doesn't have as much of a "swagger." Those tend to be the ones who are secure enough in themselves that they know they have nothing to prove to anyone, and they'll accept you as a challenge rather than "intimidating."
[Incidentally, I am 5'0" and very bold and outspoken myself, and have a hard time finding a guy who can keep up without feeling "intimidated." But I know he's out there.]
It is definitely the attitude. These men probably want someone they want to take care of. Sometimes when you are too strong and independent, they get scared. I don't think it is a bad thing to have that in a woman. But it is okay to tone it down with men. Some just can't handle it especially the manly men.
Maybe the guys you are attracting are not as confident as they portray?
it's better than being referred to as a bitch.
my advice: trying showing them a soft side. no, not a dumb/helpless side, but guys want to know its "safe" to talk about their feelings and stuff, without feeling like "a girl."
continue to have your own life, hobbies, friends, and opinions, but maybe smile and laugh a little bit more, and ocassionally compliment them. ocassionally - don't come off as easy or too available.
I'm busting out my flak-jacket because I know i am going to get a lot of flak for saying this. "Intimidating" is usually just a polite way of saying you're not attractive. People like Jessica Alba are intimidating, but men would crawl over shards of glass to hook up with her. Sorry, but this is the reality.
Guys say I'm intimidating too. I don't think it's some secret asshole code for telling you you're unattractive lol, I think some guys are used to dealing with fluffy pink girls who need a man to feel complete. If anything, it's something to be proud of and one day a man will step up and blow your mind
more power to you, girl...if a man can't handle you, he's the wrong man
maybe too much eyeliner? idk that intimidates me.. doesnt matter how small/big a girl can be; if they put too much eyeliner, (especially on the bottom) it scares me
height has nothing to do with it--i'm 5'7" and intimidate males too. it's b/c you're so secure with yourself and boldly come on to them; this post and even your little "about me" demonstrates this clearly.
normally i'd say if the guy can't handle it, he's not worth having...but if this is a neverending reoccurring theme in your life with no exceptions and you're tired of it, perhaps either time to tone it down a tad...or alter the type of guys you go for? hope it works out for you! :)
@coolmonkey@xanga - i agree. no offense
I think I can seem a little intimidating too ... it's that sort of air you can put up around you. A sort of overwhelming confidence that guys can't deal with.
I'm aloof too, which doesn't help. But I can't help it, I'm just too aware of myself!!
girls are intimidating period. I find myself attracted more to smaller girls and i'm still intimidated and I'm 6ft and 190 lbs. It is the attitude but I prefer and independant woman who can take care of herself but at the same time isn't afraid to be nurtured and show a soft side as well. A good balance is wonderful but don't fake it either, it's not worth it. The female sex is flat out intimidating to some ppl, i know it is to me lol.
I figure that it's because how much confidence you have, how bold you are, and the fact you seem to be straight to the point. Like your "About Me" under your picture on this post, that has a ton of confidence, so it'd probably make some people edgy. Plus you ask them why they totally cut you off, and that's bold. I mean, there's so much proof of how you are. But, honestly, some guys can handle that kind of thing and some can't. I think more people in general kind of shrink away from the idea that somebody is bold enough to call them out on things, actually.
Honestly though, I don't think you should change anything about that. Your confidence and boldness is very, very admirable.
I'd go with the whole confidence thing. I think some guys are a bit taken aback when they meet a short girl with a lot of attitude. It's like they think we're supposed to be some cute baby animals or something--we're people too!
I've been told I'm intimidating, yet at the same time guys don't even pay attention to me...so I wonder if the intimidation comment is a cover-up for, "You're not interesting."
maybe it's the kids
i agree with @KasumiCelesta it probably is the whole confidence thing..
i'm 5'2 and apperently i have this sense of "cocky-ness" to me lol. it's weird..because when people get to know me they realize i'm nothing like that..lol.
i'm really shy with people i dont know with..lol
I'm about 4'11" and I always seem to intimidate/scare away the guys I like too.
But in my family it's just the way we are.. we're brutally honest and get louder the better we know someone. I'm independent almost to a fault and I've yet to meet a guy who really doesn't mind that. I don't want to be babied and cooed at, someone to keep up with me would be nice.
I'm liking the comments I've been reading though. Makes it sound like there's still hope for me too.
@Nicola_Six@xanga - Yay for us really short people.
I have no clue. I think I intimidate a lot of people too.
And I'm a little short Asian girl.I think it's our wonderful sense of confidence. Sometimes, it scares/surprises a guy when we're so confident and sure of ourselves. =]
I think it's a good thing.