This is a guest blog submitted by christina_believe.
I'm ecstatic - I'm 17 and I was asked in the cutest way to be my boyfriend's girlfriend . . . he's so sweet! This is my first real relationship where everything is...formal? and where I was asked to be someone's girlfriend. He respects me in every way and is always saying, "I'm so glad you're my girl!" and "I always want to make you happy". I like him, I really do, he makes me smile. But the weird thing is, I'm worried he likes me more than I like him.
I'm almost always head over heels for guys the first moment we begin talking; I get all jittery when they call or tell me cute things, but they end up being dumb players or guys who lead me on and fade. But with this guy, he says all those cute things and MORE, but I'm...calm? I don't get all nervous when I see him or anything.
You might be thinking, "Maybe you don't like him."
Uhhh, no; he caught my attention at a Christmas party last month. I'm the one who liked him first, ha. When I stare into his eyes, besides the fact that his pupils dialate, I can't stop staring! It's like he knows what I'm thinking and we communicate through staring...cheesy, yes, but cute.
Everyone tells me how lucky I am to have found him and how respectful he is towards me and my family, especially toward my mother's rules. My mother couldn't be happier for me - she always reminds me that there aren't many guys like him left.
Why is it that even though I've found the (almost) perfect guy for me, I'm calm? Why don't I get nervous, girly and jittery around him? Could it be that those feelings will progress?
I realize time will tell, but I want a hint so I know I'm not crazy!
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Comments (158)
Maybe you're comfortable around him. When in relationships, the two people are comfortable with one another, they don't feel nervous and jittery. I really don't know, I've never been "calm" in any situation like that. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I still get jittery and "girly" as you put it, lol.
Maybe you're just really comfortable around him?
i think your reaction is typical of girls--basically, he's boring, because he makes it too obvious how much he likes you. i'd argue it's his "fault" (though it's inexperience more than anything else).
whether or not girls want to admit it, they really don't like sensitive guys who will pour out their hearts like this guy apparently does.
don't worry... even if he likes you more than you like him, over time your feelings will grow.
that's what happened to me... i thought i was getting bored too, but the more my bf did things for me to show me how much it cared, you can't help but really fall head over heels...
It seems like you're really comfortable around him... and the reason you don't get jittery around him is because you KNOW how much he loves you... You don't have to worry that maybe he doesn't like you because of something. Because you know he likes you no matter what.
This sounds like a really good relationship =) Keep to it!
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
fuck the hints.. just have fun right now :)
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I hate guys who pour out their hearts....the first day to the end that i meet them.
I wasn't really all that jittery around my current boyfriend either in the beginning...and we've been together for two years now. Honestly, I didn't even like him that much until we started dating. Feelings can definitely become deeper over time as long as you want to be with someone. If you don't, your feelings are liable not to change much, if not at all.
@TheNotoriousGOD@xanga - I agree with you. Whether or not girls admit it, once they are on the dating scene for a while they realize that guys who wear their hearts on their sleeve all the time get boring. Unless they're personally into that approach.
I think because you already know he likes you, the pressure is off and some of the nervousness has faded.
OOO, you've jumped on a landmine with both feet here. You may not know it, but you really have. The feelings that come along with "falling in love" are different for everyone. Of course, there's also infatuation, and lust, and obsession, which all resemble the feelings, or are part of the feelings that go with actually "falling in love". It'll take some life experience to figure out what it really means for you, but it sounds like you've felt the various sides to it already. This is a new side of it, as the commenters above noted, which is comfort. Security. Safety. The thing is, you really do want both. You want the infatuation jitters, the lust desires, and the obsession feelings (well, maybe not too much), as long as the love happiness, warmth, comfort, security, safety, etc etc etc. It's all different pieces of the puzzle. Don't mistake one as a substitute for another.
But to answer your question directly, yes, love grows. To answer the question you didn't ask, those other sides? Tough to say. A lot of those deal with things that I've never been able to describe properly, namely: chemistry. Love and chemistry are very different, and more often than not, you can build love, even train it, but you'll be hard pressed to create chemistry. The older you get the less you desire chemistry, and the more you desire love.
As long as you're happy, you're doing it right. Enjoy yourself, and him, make memories you'll never have to regret, and you'll be just fine. There may be some things that aren't the same as you may feel about other guys, but you'll find that some of those just cease being important over time. If, however, you find that you miss those more? Then that'll be about the right time to move on. Doesn't sound like it though. Sounds like you much prefer what you have over some of the other things that are just... different. Good for you! Glad you found a keeper.
I was bestfriends with my boyfriend before we started going out. I was Completely clueless up to the day we (accidentally?) held hands.
It'll grow. :)
The feelings will grow. Honestly, I never thought of my boyfriend as the kind of guy I'd end up dating. I just never saw him in that light. Yet as we hung out, I found myself developing an attraction for him. It's been over three years since that began & I can tell you, he's the love of my life. Even after two & a half years, our relationship has never been stronger. I find myself falling more in love with him with each passing day. He will blow my mind in the least expected ways.. I love it! I know this is the person I want to spend forever with & I want to spend the rest of my life learning more about him & falling in love each day.
I think only time will tell what your relationship will progress into. It can be like mine.. finding yourself more in love with each passing day. Or it can be the total opposite.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Well put. I don't think I could have explained better. lol.
Feelings can fade and grow... all it takes is time and effort
What this lack of nervousness means is that you have a boyfriend whose presence does not cause your insecurities to flare up.
I'd take it as a really good sign.
The feelings of love will grow with time, and trust me, they're a lot better without feelings of nervousness clouding things.
Not all love is jittery, excited love.
I'm in a calm, whole love. It's fantastic. I think that your feeling will definitely grow over time, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you will ever have that "nervous" experience.
Everyone experiences love differently :)
If I were you, I wouldn't complain. It sounds like you are happy! Don't question a good thing. Take your time, and really get to know each other!
It would grow. You will have that jittery experience...one day. Be patient.
Feelings can definitely grow!
it's easy to sit back and relax when you know you've got the other person wrapped around your finger. you grow unappreciative and you get bored. you notice the change after he's gone. pretty much what happened to me. i got spoiled rotten and became unappreciative and bored. huge mistake on my part. but the solution to that is to have some space from him enough to miss him.
everything sounds fine to me. Also, there'll never be a perfect balance of does he likes you more then you like him, because everyone is unique.
because there's no challenge... which most of us chase after.
I've thought about this, too. After so many years, I don't get jitter around my boy, either. But every once in a while, I do, and that's awesome. I love the comfort I have with him; I hope you can recognize that in your relationship, too. Don't listen to all that "classic" stuff about dating--every pair is unique, and just because you don't feel the same as your best friend does about her boy, doesn't mean anything's wrong.
You know, sometimes they say the perfect man doesn't necessary mean they're going to make you breathless 24/7.
I am assuming you guys just started dating, don't worry too much.
Feelings do grow over time.
How do YOU feel towards this guy, xept the fact that he's cute and he caught your eyes. Forget about how everyone else around you feel about him, ask yourself.
Do you think you really like this guy?
Or is it because there's no excitement?
That's okay if there's no excitement, make it.
feelings will definitely grow over time. you're probably just really comfortable with him because you know how much he likes you and how respectful he is to you. give it time, i guarantee that you will fall head over heels (that is, if he really is as great as you make him sound)
The first boy i fell in love with didn't give me the jitters. I was in love with him, but i never really got the butterflies.
The guy that I'm currently dating now is amazing and adorable. I love him immensely and am in love with him..and every time I see him I get butterflies.
Does it mean that I love my current boyfriend more than my ex? Possibly. Does it mean I wasn't really "in love" with my ex? No. It most certainly was love. I just never got the nervous excited feelings I do with my current so.
So it all depends.
Also.. just b/c you get the jitters with someone doesn't mean you're not comfortable with them yet or if you don't get the jitters means you are.
I had butterflies when I met my current boyfriend, but when we became intimate..i was completely comfortable with him touching me..which is unusal because I'm a very ticklish person.
I always thought it was a good thing that I felt more comfortable around the guy I'm currently dating. When I developed a crush on him, and then we started dating, I didn't find it hard to talk to him like it had been with previous crushes. I consider it a good thing, a sign of how this crush was different. And yes, I think feelings grow over time. I know mine have for my boyfriend. A crush can turn into a lot of things.
Good luck!
My first boyfriend was such a sweet guy, so caring, so thoughtful, and he always always wanted the best for me and was protective of me. There was never any sort of dangerous, flirty period because we (quite randomly one month) became best friends, and after about 4 months of laughing hysterically with each other, loving spending time together, and caring for each other, moving onto a relationship seemed so natural.
We dated for two years and broke up (or "took a break from each other") only because we didn't want to hold each other back our freshman year at college. I've tried dating some other guys, but I feel like none of them will ever treat me as well as he did, and I'm considering getting back together with him.
It might just mean it's the kind of relationship that's meant to last. =) Good luck.