Saturday, 24 January 2009
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He's Just Not That Funny
This is a guest blog submitted by msullan.Have you ever met someone who is just perfect...great guy, similar interests, attractive, ambitious.....who just does not have a sense of humor?
My friends are still shocked that I don't like this guy I met a few years ago . . . but he just isn't funny to me. I admit that I'm not the comedian of the century, but I like to think that I have a sense of humor of sorts. But every joke I make to him, I have to explain later so he isn't offended. It makes me feel bad that he is constantly offended, but really...sarcasm...ever heard of it?
The thing is, I really wanted to give this man a chance. He told me he loved me a little while ago, but I just couldn't do it because I did not feel that way back at all. It was almost like there was no spark between us because our humor was different. I never found his jokes funny at all, and he didn't realize that my jokes were actually jokes - he'd take them all seriously and get offended.
When I talked to my mom about this dilemma, she told me that I needed to figure out the things that I was willing to live with and things I could never see myself getting over. Did the good in this person outweigh the bad?
The answer for me was that it didn't. It's unfortunate, and I really wish that I had been more into this guy. Looking back, the only thing that kept us apart was that our senses of humor were on completely different levels and that was unacceptable to me. But I feel terrible even saying that!
Have you ever been turned off by someone's difference in sense of humor? In your opinion, how big a deal is it to have a "funny" SO?
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- From: pancakes@xanga
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Comments (84)
As long as you two can have fun together, it doesn't matter if he is a stand-up comedian or not.Â
it really matters that much?
I guess it really depends on you. If you tell jokes often and use sarcasm a lot, I can see how it would get annoying to explain everything after you say it.
Your mom was right though. Set your priorities and weigh the good with the bad.
Well, it's definitely good to have someone who isn't like, "Wtf?" at anything funny you might say. I think just as long as two humors match, even if there is actually like no humor involved, it's the best...
haha.... if you can't really laugh with him or at his jokes, things wouldn't be as fun. i mean making another person laugh does mean a lot i think. If someone can't really laugh at your jokes and you at theirs, there is something that doesn't click.
It's nice, but not that important.
To me finding someone who shares you sense of humour is one of, if not THE most important aspect of dating. If I can't be myself around them and have them accept that, there is no point whatsoever. It just leaves you way to on edge.
"Laughter is the shortest difference between two people."
That's all.
I know how you're feeling. Humor is really important to me, its what makes life beautiful. Imagine not being able to fully enjoy life with your man.
If you did get into that relationship, it would have been a waste of time for both of you. You guys wouldn't be able to fully connect on that deeper level and in addition to that, you wouldn't have that "gratification" and would always be looking elsewhere for it. You'd probably lose some respect for him too, having to explain everything all the time.
For me, a sense of humor IS what makes the guy attractive.
I think having the same sense of humour goes a long way! But the other areas are just as important. However, if you give the guy a chance, you might find that you both develop over time a mutual understanding in relation to humour. Don't know until you try...
I don't think I could be with someone who was easily offended by my jokes. I don't know if I could say it's a dealbreaker but if we can't communicate in the funnest way then...where's the fun in that?
Humor is what pretty much attracts me to a guy. If I'm sitting there cracking jokes about something, being sarcastic and all, and he's not laughing or gets offended I know it wouldn't work. It's pretty much how I talk. With Sarcasm.
I need someone who can roll with the punches and keep me laughing as well as him keep laughing.
Humor is huge. Not only is it part of Stage 1 (compatibility), it is also an indicator of stage 4 (Maturity) and stage 8 (Best version of yourself). A guy who doesn't 'get' you or you 'get', doesn't make you the best version of yourself. Or a girl for that matter. I have a few friends who are in relationships like this, and the things that I love about them that make them WHO they are and SPECIAL they aren't, when they're around their SO, and that just makes me sad. It's not worth it. You're talking a deal breaker in 3 categories. Maybe it's not that way for everyone, but it sure sounds like it for you. Not every relationship is meant to work out.
I couldn't be with someone whose sense of humor wasn't compatible with mine.
Spontaneous, bizarre humor is one of the main reasons I fell in love with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't have him any other way. My ex-fiance had a very twisted, dark sense of humor that I found rather terrible most of the time.
I don't think it would be as much of a deal, except for the fact that he gets offended. I don't get some jokes, but I know that my humor is different from others so I just laugh at myself. And people think that's funny. And I happen to find people who laugh really amusing, so I laugh anyways. In the end, we're all happy.
I don't think I could be with somebody whose sense of humor didn't match mine. I think it would be incredibly frustrating. So don't feel bad about not wanting to date him because of his sense of humor, it's a BIG deal! = ]
I dated a guy who got NOTHING. As in, no joke made him laugh...or, if it did, it was a minute too late, and his laugh was way too loud. I'm not a comedian, but I make wisecracks all the time...most of them stupid, but most people laugh. With this guy, I got a blank stare. That was one of many deal-breakers, but I absolutely see where you're coming from. A person's sense of humor is a reflection of their personality, so if your senses of humor don't match up, then the possiblity of your relationship lasting is way down.
As a matter of fact, my fiance says one of the things that made him fall for me is my sense of humor and how well I get his. He says he couldn't marry someone who didn't mesh with him that way. So don't feel bad. It may seem petty, but if it's important to you, that's what matters.
-Katie
if his humour turns you off, and on a regular basis, there's no way it can last, no matter how perfect he is. [shrug] you just aren't that into him. sorry mom
what it really comes down to is, are you happy when you're with him..
if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands, *clap clap* but if humour is something you care about and you're extremely unhappy about it, then i don't think you should sell yourself short.. even if you two got married, you wouldn't even be happy, so just make sure he's somebody you want to grow old with..
I dont think its terrible. If you can't laugh with someone it'll be harder to get through things if you did date. and really, i think that people's sense of humor is very much tied to their view on life and indicative of how they deal with things. If your humor isn't compatible then in the long run you probably wont be.
I would have done the same thing as you. I could never date someone that didn't have a sense of humor. Laughter is what keeps me going.
I love to laugh.
So if you can't make me laugh,
get out of here.
if i can't laugh with him, i won't be happy with him. a sense of humor similar to my own is easily one of the number one things i look for in a guy. :P
I can't be with someone who can't make me laugh. After all, laughter is one of the best medicines.
I don't think I'd let someones sense of humor turn me off entirely, unless that was one of the main ways I bonded with others. It would be difficult to make a joke that they turn into an offensive gesture in their minds. You could have both (I don't know if you're still together or what) just admitted that you have different senses of humor. That way you could have both attempted to meet in the middle. Or he could have tried harder to decide when you were joking or simply not joking.
All of my friends have different senses of humor, and I adapt to all of them to where I can make them laugh and they can make me laugh. Maybe it just depends on whether or not you're open to other ways to laugh, who knows.