This is a guest blog submitted by justinimal.I just finished reading my second PostSecret book and began to wonder if any of the postcards that were sent in were submitted by my friends, relatives or ex-boyfriends. I wondered if any of them had ever submitted a postcard that I had seen on the website, and I wondered if anyone who hadn't submitted a secret secretly wanted to.
Then I dangerously started to wonder if my current boyfriend had ever submitted a secret to this blog site or if I had read one of them in one of the two books.
But aren't some secrets good to keep from your SO? Do we really need to know everything there is to know about our boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't tell my boyfriend everything there is to know...so should I expect him to tell me everything?
On the flip side, isn't hiding something from your SO just lying by omission?
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Comments (44)
I think it is healthy to have a few secrets. I mean, we are human, right? But I dont think its ok to keep something important a secret, like lying, cheating, or something that the other SHOULD know
eh, it's only lying if it's directly related to the relationship. There are some things that your SO doesn't need to know, especially if they're related to your profession (Doctor, pastor, law enforcement, etc), or if they're between you and another friend (as long as it's not a sexual thing between the two of you). In all matters about the relationship, there should be clarity, but there doesn't need to be absolute openness all at once. Some things can come out over time, if not done so with the intent to maliciously or selfishly deceive. That's what i think.
I love post secret!
Anyway, everyone has his/her secrets and that's fine. The thing is that you only need to tell your SO if it's going to hurt or affect him/her in the long run.
There are some things you talk about and other things you don't. I believe that if it's going to affect the relationship then the other person should know. If you feel you should tell the person then maybe you should. If there's no guilt, worry or its really irrelevant to the relationship then I think you're good to keep it to yourself.
me and my girlfriend tell each other everything... and i mean everything. nothing if off limits. secrets in relationships, especially serious relationships, lead to walls being put up and can often times cause a relationship to fail. being completely and utterly open about everything makes a relationship so much better- trust me.
secrets are ok as long as u know u got to bury them to your grave..take them with u for the rest of ur life.
I think it's better if you tell each other everything...
is it okay to keep something from a significant other?
yyyyeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss!
is it considered lying?
nope; unless you lie of course.
If it's a secret that is directly related to your relationship, then yes, that is a secret that should be shared.
If it's a personal secret, it's not lying or not telling the whole truth if you don't reveal it. Personal secrets can be very important to a person, and revealing them too soon can hurt a relationship more than it "helps" (or doesn't add anything at all to a relationship...some secrets just don't matter that much).
Secrets are something that are meant to be known only when it's absolutely essential to something in my opinion. I don't have very many, but there are have been times that I've told people things that they have trouble dealing with, which complicates things more than it makes a relationship whole or whatever BS you wanna spout about being totally honest. But, that feeling goes hand in hand with something personal, as opposed to something relationship wise. Keeping something important that pertains to your relationship from your SO can definitely cause more harm than good.
I think that it's unhealthy to tell anybody every little secret that you have, unless they're a therapist. I have one secret that I keep from everybody except my grandmother, mom, dad and sister.
no one tells their SO everything. no matter how much you love someone, you keep something from them. or they're keeping something from you.
I think some secrets are ok, but only if they don't relate to the relationship you're in.
Like, something that happened when you were 5 yrs old that you don't share w/the world might be totally ok to keep to yourself...you may end up sharing that secret at some point, but I don't think it's necessary unless you really want to...
It's ok to keep a secret from your SO as long as you keep it from everyone else too. If you tell something to anyone else it no longer is a secret.
This is a remarkably key question to relationships. There is sort of a buffer or information in relationships. Should you be honestl about everything? Yes. But I do not see announcing when he picks you up for your first date that your great grandfather was a homicidal maniac. Extreme example, but the same applieks to specifically you stories.
I absolutely agree that omitting certain info is lying (by omission), however, there are some personal truths another person must earn the "rights" to by providing evidence ot trustworthiness over the course of time, actions, and behavioral patterns.
Unless it affects the relationship (directly or indirectly) there's really no need to know every single little thing about the other person. I don't know a single person who knows every single thing about me, nor do I know every single thing about any one person and I like it that way.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - Genius!
@Fairywife@xanga - thanks for noticing! ;)
@JadedJanissary@xanga - Well someone's got to!
postsecrets is the best!
i think people need to have their own space in a relationship, which means that it is ok sometimes to have some secrets to themselves and not share with the SO. but like everyone has said... unless it is something that has an influence of the relationship itself.
Everyone has secrets...everyone! No exceptions.
Depends on what the secret is, if it would be a dealbreaker in the relationship, its indirectly lying. If its a personal secret that has nothing to do with you or the relationship, let him/her keep it.
Just as everything else in life, the delicate balance must be maintained, so perhaps a few secrets won't be harmful...
it's okay to have some secrets. just as long as they don't affect the relationship. my last boyfriend failed to mention to me that he was engaged to his last girlfriend - who he was very hurt by, who he mentioned a lot, who totally wrecked him. We were planning on getting married. Talked about getting engaged, talked about what kind of wedding we wanted, how many kids we wanted etc....and he never mentioned that he was engaged before. That's a big secret to keep and NOT okay. Things like that need to be told - even though I would have been a little bugged by knowin that it would have been much better than finding out that we'd been together for so long and i he only told me during a fight months and months after we'd broken up. ugh!
I think it's really lovely when two people don't need to keep things from eachother- that you know the ins and outs... As a few of the comments have said, it does depend on what is kept 'secret' and how big the factor is in terms of the relationship. Sometimes it is nice to be mysterious... and learn something new everyday- in a nice way ofcourse. :)
ahh i hate postsecret haha. but anyhow... i think some secrets are okay. Like in the one house episode with the guy who found out after his wife died that she had dyed her hair and he was all surprised that she actually did have some secrets... stuff like that is okay, little things like "I didn't actually like that gift he gave me but i just pretended" sort of things. Big things are not good secrets to keep, like "the baby is actually not his but his brother's," yeah. It's a matter of using your common sense.