Friday, 23 January 2009
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Is My BFF Looking Out For (Or Lusting After) Me?
This is a guest blog submitted by whittpaige.
I have had the same best friend since I was in seventh grade. We always help each other through everything and he knows my life story. Recently, he broke up with his girlfriend of a year and half and he was really upset about it. He called me about thirty times before I could get a chance to call him back and he even sobbed about it (like a girl) for about an hour. The whole next week, he drank. A lot. I drove him around and we talked about it and now he's okay. Really okay.
So we were at his house watching a movie and he kissed me. Out of nowhere. We have never kissed before; we've never had any physical contact whatsoever. It was awkward and we kind of acted like it didn't happen. The next night, I was going to bed and couldn't sleep, so I called him, which normally would be no big deal. He said he had been thinking about me and had something to tell me.He said he "liked" me. He said he didn't mean it like he wanted to date me, that he liked spending time with me. I brushed it off and was like, "I know. I like spending time with you too. I love how I can tell you stuff and you never laugh at me for it."
I tell him about my neverending first love almost every day. It's like he's a girl and he understands. I just ramble on and on and he never acts jealous; now that I think about it, though, he usually tells me bad things about this guy I'm crushing on. Before, I just figured he was looking out for me and knew this boy was bad news.I don't know if he just wants someone there like his old girlfriend or if he really does like me. Either way, I don't feel the same way and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want it to end our friendship. Someone help me. ):
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About the Author
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- From: whittpaige
- About Me: i'm whitney.
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Comments (31)
From a guy's perspective, I'll be a little blunt.
We fall in love with our good female friends, and we wonder what's up when they shy away from talking about it.
We realize we can't make love happen or not happen, and we don't want to force you to like us.
But talk to us seriously about it. Tell us why you do/don't want us as "something more." If we accept your explanation, we'll be the same loyal, devoted friends (we might eventually fall "out of love" in time).
If we don't accept it (and your explanation was the truth) then we're jerks, and you need to stop letting us get close at all.
This might explain things.
http://www.xkcd.com/513/
talk to him about it[: ..good luck.
Man that's tough! But I'm definitely not the one to give advice on the subject. I've ruined my two best guy friendships out of fear and the stupid actions that resulted from fear. All I can say is be careful.
well, was it a kiss on the cheek or the lips? u can kiss your friend on the cheek to show love without being romantic.
but it's tricky, i dont know how to answer you
I've found lately that just because you don't like somebody doesn't mean you're not compatible and likely to fall for each other at some point. Maybe he's just ahead of you on this theory.
Then again, it's your decision. You can either tell him it's never going to happen passed friendship, or wait and see what happens by returning these sweet gestures.
He's rebounding. Don't take it too personally, and don't let it become serious. Perhaps somewhere down the road you may end up together, but if that happens, it can wait. Talk to him about it all you want, but don't get involved. It's too soon. Maybe in 3 months. Stay friends, be there for each other, but this is still rebound zone. He needs to be single for awhile to get his head out of the clouds. Doesn't mean his feelings aren't real, they could be, but he's just not ready. Don't mix and match rebound feelings with real ones, it's mixing water with dirt, and when you want to get rid of the mud, the water goes with it...
@Nous_Apeiron@xanga - Punk, beat me to it. Lol.
fuck him and get it out both your systems.
I have (or had? not sure yet) the same exact kind of friend. He was really an awesome friend, and I could tell him anything... Until I started going out with my boyfriend. Since then, all he seems to do is insult me or my boyfriend... it's pretty irritating.
after people break up they tend to think that they like their best friend of the opposite sex. its just because they want somebody to continue being there for them and caring about them, but in a bigger way. so they think they're best friend can do that. he's not ok and he won't be for a long time. its a natural reaction, things like this happen all the time. he might not really like you, he just thinks he does, he could probably see himself with you, thinks you're attractive and he does not want to be alone. he is in an unstable emotional state and hes looking for stability, and he thinks another relationship could do that, and hey who's the easiest person to date besides your best friend? you don't need to go out there and meet new people, you already know you like their personality.
just keep living your life as you always have, if in months he still claims to like you then maybe its true but for now just dismiss his actions.
I think he might just be looking for someone to fill that emptiness he is feeling at the moment. So take it easy
Well, he did have a pretty bad break-up, according to you, so it might not really be that big of a deal. Plus, you don't know if he's harboring real intimate feelings for you, anyway. Talk to him about it, and figure out how you'll break it to him if his sentiments aren't targeted in the way you'd like. Hey, maybe he just felt so grateful for your being there that he felt, in the heat of the moment, that a kiss was the best way to thank you.
@icicle84@xanga - coughs coughs.
Victoria now needs to excludes herself from all of her close guy friends because she's broken more than 10 of their hearts. coughs coughs.
he might just be rebounding!
i guess just tell him you dont see him that way.. and if it leads on to him falling in love with you then i think we might have a slight problem.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - I agree with you.
be careful. it is so easy to lose best friends when romance gets involved. I know that isn't exactly encouraging. but if you lose a friendship that you really value, you might not get over it.
I haven't. And it's been three years.
If you care about this guy as much as you seem to, then be careful. whatever you do.
& good luck.
<3
Don't ignore him, talk to him! He is hurt now, and wants a friend.
Icicle84 nailed it exactly on the head. I'm the same way with my best friend. Me and her actually treat each other like brother and sister.
Do we fall in love with the significant female friend? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It's kinda like...if it evolves further then it's cool, but if not, then that's cool too.
Ooooh, snap. We got a rebound alert.
It sounds like he's had a slight attraction before, but saw that he'd been 'friend zoned' and decided (smartly) to not push it. But when he'd broken up with his girlfriend, he probably was very vulnerable and in need of support and you were there--so right now it's likely that he see's you as a 'safe zone' because you've always been there, he knows what you're like, and he doesn't feel that you would reject him.
I don't suggest pursuing a relationship with him, at least for another four months to ensure that he's serious. And that's a major minimum. Going past friend zone to SO is big thing, and you risk alot.
Instead, just be there for him. Politely let his attentions that are more than friend-like slide off, and keep chugging along, my friend!
Sorry, but this is cvalled unrequited love. If the guy is falling for you and you want to be friends, you can't let his love for you annoy you too long. It's best not to be friends anymore, if it IS true that he wants to be with you and you don't.
I know the friendship is too good, but so isn't the misfortunes of falling for a friend.
@icicle84@xanga - I agree with you ...but
@Nous_Apeiron@xanga - ...this comic explains it all. haha
@icespiral - That's a good second option, too. See what the deal is before taking any action. THEN, if it is all true...(sigh)
Well, look at the brightside, sometimes falling in love with friends can be beneficial, if you are great friends with each other.
One word: REBOUND.
He wants you to be his rebound.
But you're safe...since you don't like him.
So just tell him that you're not interested.
If he truly is your friend, he'll feel bad about what he's doing and stop.
You need to be stright up with him. If he can't handle it and you loose the friendship, then you'll just have to live with it. It sucks that you can't always have things the way you want them... but that's life, and part of being mature. Sorry =\
Also, just because he's got a crush on you, doesn't mean he's telling you wrong about this other guy... but then again, a lot of girls like to go out with the 'wrong' guy because... it's fun to be 'bad'?
you can take consolation in ending the friendship before it got really weird... sort of like ending a good TV series before it goes too bad.
good luck