Dr. DatingishI'm 23 and haven't really dated since high school. I met a guy around New Year's, and we've been hanging out a lot with friends, going on occasional dates, just getting to know each other. Things are going really well, except I can tell I've fallen faster for him than he has for me. I'm wondering if I'm just excited about dating someone after so long or if he's actually as great as my crush euphoria leads me to believe.
I'm wondering what the best way to hold back is - I know that if I tell him flat-out that I think I'm in love with him (it may be the pheromones talking; who knows?) he'll freak out because it's so early. At the same time, though, I don't want to hold back too much because he'd notice and think I was being distant.
Sigh, I'm too old for these games.
How do you restrain yourself when you're head over heels for someone but it's too early to tell him or her that?
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Comments (27)
dont hold back but dont tell him how you feel yet either. its true, its always exciting in the beginning but the game gets old fast. and you dont want to start something that you might not be ready for. falling in love is a good thing and 23 is NOT too old for these "games". these "games" are never too old for anyone haha. i say go with the flow! GOOD LUCK
Try to give him some signals... don't have to tell him up front yet... see how he reacts...
It's not a game... it's just how you want to let him know you want to be with him...
Good Luck
just tell him. But don't tell him you're head over heels.
or you could joke around and when he does something cute or does something that you like say:
"Thing like that could make a girl like me fall head over heels for a guy like you."
I've done something like before and gotten remarks back like:
"well maybe that's my intention."
or
"then my plan is working"
and if not then they laugh and you have a better idea of where he stands.
I'm no Dr. Datingish, nor anywhere close to being an expert in the dating field. Aside from a few college courses and a ton of dating experience myself, I've got no serious background. However, to me, it sounds like you're falling in love with the idea of being with someone.
To better explain, I should first start by saying that I do not believe or endorse "love at first sight." The very concept is defined in one four letter word (no, not love): Lust. To love someone, you must know and accept them - good and bad - unconditionally, rather than artificially.
So for your case, I think it sounds like you're just so happy that you've found a connection with someone new, and you're afraid to express it prematurely. Do congratulate yourself for the attention you're paying to the fact that you know it's a bit early - most ladies forget to acknowledge that.
For now, just let things play out. It has only been 22 days since your meeting, and there is much more to learn about this guy than the past 528 hours have allowed. Don't change your actions at all - you must be doing something right that is keeping him attracted. :)
And PS: You're not too old for anything! 23 is just the beginning. :)
You don't have to hold back, you don't have to drop the "l" bomb yet either.
I agree with lmflazyjai1984@xanga, give him some signals and see what happens.
Oh boy, depends on the guy. Is he a guy who runs for the hills if a girl wants to be in a committed relationship with him? Are you the kind of friends who he "wouldn't want to break your heart?". I hate advising anyone to be anything but honest with their feelings, but a little restraint is probably wise. The question is, what benefit would it have if you told him? There are lots of negative consequences. Restrain yourself for a little, but eventually you'll have to be honest with him and just talk about it. Try saying you're falling for him, and not already in love with him because that's probably more accurate anyway. Do, however, let him know you'd like to become more serious. No need to jump off the "I love you" cliff, but at the same time, you definitely want to be honest enough that you want this relationship moving forward! Good luck.
Been there done that, I was just in love with the idea of being in love. You might be feeling that!
God..I hate this.
I haven't fell head over heels for a guy over a year..And going back to California for a vacation..I did find someone and man...Fuck dude -- it was an amazing MONTH spending time with him..about every night...=\
And nowt hat i'm back in TEXAS, i miss him ..a lot *boo* i needa fall back.
I just go on a little bit of me time and don't really contact him. Just time for myself to reflect. Although, that just usually ends me realizing I don't like the guy as much. Heh.
Just be honest about your feelings. If it freaks him out then maybe he's not the one. Forget about playing games, that's for teenagers. Of course that's just my opinion, you have the feelings, I don't so it's easy to give advice when your heart is not on the line. But speaking of heart, just listen to what yours tells you to do. You can never go wrong, if your true to yourself, and your heart!!!
Don't drop the bomb on him yet because he's going to freak out but don't also distant yourself from him. Just be your regular self, hang out with him, give him signals that you do dig him, and go from there. I'm sure he can tell if you like him or not.
Dont tell him you love him just yet. Try to feel him out, see how HE feels about you and then go from there. I'm not saying dont be honest, but there's nothing like pouring your heart out and having it thrown back in your face. Take is slow and the rest will follow. =)
That's not too old! You can definitely handle this =) Just keep your cool around him, act the same you normally would, and don't mention the word love. Hopefully he feels the same and will start giving you some signals of this... Or maybe even tell you he loves you first.
Weellll, this is what I did.
For the past 2 weeks, me and him phone/webcam..(Makes me even go crazier) Then again, I reflected ( and have already told myself this since day 1 that I know what i'ma get myself into) that...
If it's worth the wait - then do it ..Make sure it's mutual
If anything, how do I know I might move back to Cali? (since i'm planning to for school this fall) & things might change?
If anything, I can always be friends..
Thus, I'm going with number 3 & get to know him a little more & wa la, just be busy from here on out!
Fall. But Don't Fall back Too mUch.
It can be scary to tell someone how you truly feel, especially if you're not sure whether they feel the same way or not.
I'm the way you are in this situation, but for me, it's always. I fall hard and fast and it's an amazing feeling... until I have to decide when to say it.
For the most part, I just tell myself that I can show love without necessarily saying it and when I find the time to be right, I will come out with the words.
Hmm. It can go either way if you tell him how you feel.
He'll either tell you he feels the same, or feel like you're taking it too fast. If you feel like it's still to early, wait a bit longer. Send him some signals? Hopefull he'll get it!
Lucks. :D
When you haven't dated since high school, it might not be a surprise that you've "fallen for him" because he's the first guy you've been involved with in a long time.
If you really do like him though, you should tell him--in a subtle way--how you feel. You'll definitely creep him out if you say "I think I'm in love with you" or something like that...he's sure to run away!
Or you can just give him a few little signals and see if he returns them...but some guys are too oblivious and don't notice these things.
Ok, you're going to laugh--I was in a very similar situation with someone I have known for about half a year. We're on friendly terms, but I completely fell for him and gave him all the signs. I don't like playing mind games with anyone, much less someone I like, so I've tried to simply go with the flow. At the same time, again, I gave him a lot of passive but CLEAR signs of interest, and at one point, he was reciprocating and then... not reciprocating --> I eventually realized that he was, as nice and charming as he was, being hot and cold for whatever reason.
After a while, I just gave up because I was extremely frustrated and didn't have the patience to wait around for him. He has this... wall around him and I just can't seem to tear it down. Plus, I don't have the patience of a saint to deal with hot-cold responses!
The funny thing is, at this point, we're making more progress, but now I'm the one who's taking a step back because the fire in my heart has been slowly dying out.
All I can say is that... it's all about timing and being straightforward/honest with the other person. The other commenters are right--wait until you get to know him better (which is not really what I did) before you admit your feelings, BUT don't play games with him, either.
Good luck!
Yeah, maybe give him signals or signs.
Or just use different ways of saying it,just sincerely say "I'm really starting to fall you, you know"or "I didn't think you'd start to mean so much so fast"something along those lines :)I am a traditional type of girl, he needs to be the first one to confess his true feelings to me, and I dont throw away the "L" word too soon, I have to make sure he is worth my love..sure your guy could be sweet and all but i dont think you have had enough time to really get to know him and let him to really get to know you.
@justinimal@xanga - right on!
Yup, I think you are just excited about dating someone after so long. Be honest about how you feel.. how you enjoy spending time with him or whatever. But don't say you're head over heels cause it is way too soon. Just my opinion. =)
Taking a relationship slow (even if your hormones beg otherwise), is not "playing games." It's being smart and realistic. So do so. Don't hang out with him too much if it's new. I'd say maybe twice a week, at the most. Don't give in to sex for at LEAST a month. Just be slow, so that HE learns to appreciate YOU as much. Don't act like your world revolves around him (because it SHOULDN'T!). Just have fun and see what happens as you guys get closer.
Just watch him, and act like him.
@lmflazyjai1984@xanga - I agree with you. Signals are the best way to see how he'll react, then you can tell to what extent he likes you. And about being excited to date again, of course its going to be exciting if you haven't fallen for someone for a while. Or have you? Time is the one thing that will tell you whether what your feeling is just because you haven't dated since high school or if its more than that.It will also let you know how dedicated he is to you. There are lots of people who start off really warm and then get cold feet quickly. Just like that song Your hot and your cold your yes and your no...Even though i hate that song. Anyway good luck, it wont be as hard as your making it out to be. Have a good day.