Wednesday, 21 January 2009
-
"My BF Wants Me to Get Rid of the Dog My Ex Gave Me"
My friend told me this story about her co-worker Mariam's dog, which is becoming a roadblock in Mairiam's relationship with her boyfriend Liam.
Mariam's ex gave her the dog and she loves it to pieces. They broke up on good terms and for a good reason (he was moving from NYC to Seattle for work). The ex gave her the dog as a reminder of him, but also as a sign of the two of them not having any hard feelings with each other. Two years later, Mariam still loves the dog and it reminds her of the good times she had with her ex. Not to say that she's not over her ex - she is.
When Liam heard that her ex gave the dog to her, he demanded that she give it away. He feels uncomfortable with the dog around and the memories it brings to Mariam's mind. He just thinks that things given to someone by their ex should not remain after the breakup.
I think they both have a point. Why should Mariam give away her dog, which she's loved for two years? But then why shouldn't she as a courtesy to her current boyfriend, who doesn't like the dog being there? I'm completely torn.
Should people get rid of the gifts their ex gave them when they enter in a new relationship? What about living things?
-
recommend
- recs 1
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Related Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (167)
I've heard a few stories like this on a local radio station. Often they end up keeping the pet if the girl really wants the pet to be around. The guy just wants reassurance that he is the only one she is thinking of.
I would understand if he is allergic to animals, but it's just a pet.
Don't give the dog away. In this situation, the owner should put the dog first. It's not like it's the dog's fault that it was a gift from Mariam's ex - so why should he be displaced? Liam should just learn to get over it.
Unless it is an engagement ring then no. I would tell him that if I give up my dog he has to give up his soul, because it is about the equivilent. Pets are like family to some people so to tell someone to get rid of it is crap. I would tell him to deal with it or leave.
Dogs are more loyal anyways
Also I would like to add that it is just a dog not the person who gave it to her. Clearly she has moved on and loes the dog for being a dog.
They shouldn't get rid of gifts, in most situations. But when the gift is a living, breathing creature, I don't think you should be expected to give it away. It's not the dog's fault he was a gift from an ex, and Mariam and the dog have already bonded. So it's not fair to Mariam or the dog if she has to get rid of the dog. I think pets are like kids: part of the package deal.
Tell him to stop being a big fat crybaby. You cant expect your SO to get rid of EVERYTHING that had anything to do with their ex. If anything, he should respect/understand her past and stop "pretending" that it never happened. That's called "denial". They dated, they shared memories, etc. With or without the poor doggy she will always remember the good (and even bad) times of her ex. So get over it!
I still stand strong to what I believe -- it takes two very mature people to be able to become friends again after a breakup. And it appears that the new bf isnt mature enough to accept that fact. That or he's simply insecure. Grow some balls!
I still keep my gifts from my exes because I'm still really close friends with them. Liam needs to not focus on the negative and even get a chance to spend time with the dog. I understand what he is saying, but it's a dog, not like a picture or something.
It'd be stupid to get rid of the dog because of that.
Miriam probably likes the dog for more than because it's from her ex. She has most likely bonded with it and cares for it.
She is most likely over her ex and the boyfriend needs to understand that. It sounds like he's insecure.
If she and her ex had had a child together, would her new bf demand that she get rid of it? That's about what it amounts to.
If he is this uncomfortable about the dog he must be really insecure of a boyfriend otherwise he wouldn't mind. Plus, if it was loveletters etc it's understandable but a living thing, you can't just throw it away and if he was a good boyfriend, he would have understood.
The boyfriend is being quite insecure, I think. Yes, the dog was a gift, and yes, the dog is a reminder but you cant expect someone to get rid of absolutely everything they have based on the memories that it might bring to mind.
Taking it to an extreme, Miriam should move out of her apartment because of what she and the ex would have shared in it. It's crazy.
The boyfriend needs to grow some, and recognize that the dog is a fixture in Miriams life and he just has to deal with it. There's a reason that Miriam is with him, not the ex, so he should stop being so insecure, whiny and possessive.
What happens if Liam and Miriam's relationship breaks down? Miriam wont be able to get her dog back if she gives it up.
Also, what about the dog? Do you know how stressful the dog will be if he is given up? He wont understand why, and it's an extremely cruel thing to do to the dog, let alone Miriam.
The dog should stay.
It's not the dogs fault! Though it's understandable, that the boyfriend is uncomfortable, at a certain point pets become like family--it would be like someone asking you to get rid of your little sister! :(
Get rid of gifts, but a dog is ALIVE. Fuck that. Keep the dog.
I don't see the point in giving gifts away as long as you aren't flaunting it in front of your current SO's face. However, if said gift is a living, breathing animal, then obviously they are going to be in the current SO's face. They can either suck it up or leave. I'm not giving away something that has just as much right to my love just because it came from someone no longer in the picture.
Jeez, what if she'd had a kid with her ex? Would he demand to have the kid gotten rid of too? While it's not the same exact object, the principle is still the same. The dog was there first and she obviously cares about it...so he can either learn to deal with it (I mean, the dog isn't going to be around forever) or remove himself from any situations in which the dog would be involved. If he really cares about Mariam, it's not a tough choice.
Raising a dog for two years results in great attachment. It's the ex's fault for giving the dog under those circumstances. I don't know what is the best thing to do but I would personally keep it. =/ However, if I was the bf I'd be bothered by the dog.
Keep the dog. If she's over him then why does it matter? He should be a big boy and feel secure enough in the relationship to keep the dog around.
There's no way I would give my dog away for someone. I could understand if it were a love letter or something but IT'S A DOG!
Is the ex paying for the vet bills and food? He should, yanno, since it was a gift. lol
But yea...keep the dog. That issue would have been closed for discussion since day one. Regardless of how she got the dog, it's there now and she's responsible for him. It's not like the ex bought her some sexy lingerie that she flaunts around the house. She doesn't keep his picture in her underwear drawer. Puh-leez.
Plus, it's a dog! You'd have to be a super ass to throw a dog out for such a selfish reason.
I would never give up any pet for a boyfriend. My pets come first, I've raised them, I took the responsibility over them, and I took them as a life long commitment. If a guy can't get over the fact that I have an animal in my life that I have devoted my time and love to, frankly he's not worth it.
It's not like she's letting her ex live in her home - it's not fair that the dog should take the flack just because he was part of a previous relationship. Why does the past even matter? I agree with the above - he's a big boy, he can grow up and get over it. If he can't, who wants an insecure manboy? How bothered is he by couples where individuals are still in-contact friends with their exes?
That's a dog though, not just a picture or piece of jewelry. It's a pet and she shouldn't have to get rid of it.
No she should NOT get rid of the dog! thats her dog!!! that like giving up your child that you had w/ an ex lol no but seriously.. it is!
Everyone comes with a past, and even though it's over, one had good times and why forget your good memories?
I'd keep the dog. It's like if you had a kid with an ex, would you give your kid away just for this new guy? I know that a dog and a kid isn't the same, but they're still both living breathing things.
@JaylinsMommy@xanga - Damn, you said it before me, lol.
i'd keep the dog and give the new man the boot. he needs to get over it.
keep the dog and get rid of ther bf.
there maybe be certain gifts that should be returned etc. like engagement rings etc. but how many times does a bf ask where you got something and i am sure you dont go around saying.."my ex got me this" now would he ask you to get rid of that nice car that he might drool over if he knew your ex gave it to you?? i dont think so. he may have control issues or security issues.
Give my dog away? Heck no!