Tuesday, 20 January 2009
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Whose Eye Beholds Beauty?
This is a guest blog submitted by CommOShin.Many of my friends are guys, so I am used to being around a lot of "guy talk". My girl friend and I have realized that guys analyze the physical attractiveness of every single female they encounter. Often, they do this out loud and as a group. Sometimes what they say is positive; other times, it's negative, and still other times, it's downright misogynistic.
As much as I would like to say that I don't do this, it's not true. But it is definitely true that my girl friends and I do not remark upon every guy we see. In fact, usually, the times we do say anything about someone's physical appearance is if there is something striking, unusually beautiful, or special about how someone looks.
I know that men and women's standards of what is attractive can vary, but how much do our standards of unattractiveness differ? There is one girl we know that every guy in our group, including some other guys who do not know her at all, has called "busted," or "so ugly," or something else negative. She's the one other girl in the group and I think she's actually pretty cute. Personality-wise, we can understand why some would find her unattractive, but physically, we don't see anything wrong with her! The guys agree that her personality is a turn-off, but they claim that they are also repulsed by her appearance. These incidents occur frequently enough that I really wonder if we are looking at the same thing. It makes me wonder how guys see their female friends.
To you, what is ugly? How is it judged?
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About the Author
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- From: CommOShin@xanga
- Name: Shin
- About Me: this is way beyond my remote concern of being condescending.
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Comments (40)
I have a friend who's kind of on 'probation' for some things she did in the recent months. But anyways, when we told our guy friends we weren't talking to her anymore for certain reasons they finally let loose on how they felt about her. Saying "She looks like she got punched in the face but the fist was left there."
Not nice at all, but we all laughed. Her personality was cool except for a few creepish things. She has yet to be put off of Probation. And all the guys agreed they would never date her or do anything of the sort.
She has a boyfriend now, and that's pretty much the reason she's on probation. Long story.
Ugly to me in a guy is when a guy is Cocky, Arrogant, Ignorant, self centered, rude, obnoxious... well you get the point.
your right many guys look at girls just to analyze their physical attractiveness
personality and character count for a lot. it can really color one's assessment of a person. i speak from experience. i don't care how "objectively" good-looking someone is but if i know he's racist or a misogynist, for example, he becomes hideous.
I personally think that a beautiful person can be ugly depending on their personality. The more their personality becomes a turn off, the more their physical attractiveness shrinks in my eyes.
Whereas someone can be 'ugly' in your eyes at first, but the more you get to know them, the more you like who they are, the more they become more appealing in your eyes.
To me, ugly is everything that wouldn't make me want to be their friends. Pretty much.
Ugly includes, but is not limited to, crooked noses, an insane amount of acne, badly taken care of fingernails, yellow teeth with bits of food in them, crooked teeth, chapped lips, dandruffy hair, and/or foot fungus.
I just felt like breaking away from the "personality" mold.
Well, there's four levels of physical unattractiveness. 1. Shocking abnormalities, very unfortunate; 2. Physical ugly, but not due to deformities, just someone who is simply unattractive, strangely shaped or large nose, abnormal eye shape/position, broad forehead, things like that; 3. Physically unkempt, overweight, messy, unclean (i know overweight isn't always their fault, but I have to put it in this category); 4. Body language ugly, never smiles, grimaces a lot, very unattractive movements, and everything else that indicates a really foul personality
How much weight is given to each of the categories depends on the person AND on the relationship between the two people. If you love someone very much you're far more likely to find their nuances and maybe even deformities endearing, unique, and not repulsive. Some people are more repulsed by unkempt people than those that may have shocking deformities. Make sense? There might be some other things to add...
well, i can think someone is beautiful outside, but when they stat to talk, i am completely repulsed. and vice versa.
@featherywings@xanga -
Whereas someone can be 'ugly' in your eyes
at first, but the more you get to know them, the more you like who they
are, the more they become more appealing in your eyes.
So true.
The first time I saw my husband, I thought he was not attractive (better term for ugly -haha!) at all. But the more I got to know him, wow, he just became a babe in my eyes.
I've dated a few good looking guys and whoa. Their personality downright makes them look ugly. It pulled me out of the relationship as quickly as I got in.
Ugly to me is lack of confidence or too much confidence. You can be pudgy, have a few blemishes on the face, and have no sense of style, but if you're always smiling and have confidence in who you are even if you aren't "perfect," that can certainly be attractive. On the other hand, if you have a nice body and a pretty face but you dress like a whore and act like a snobby bitch, you're ugly in my book.
Of course, there are other factors.
If a guy does not take care of himself, then he is ugly to me. That would include if he sleeps around with anyone. Dirty people are a huge turnoff. Other then that, I will just go with the flow. I am not to picky. However, if a guy has pretty eyes, then I am sold.
If we're talking purely physical, without the influences of personality, I'd say having an obvious deformity, bad skin, harsh-looking features, being grossly overweight or underweight, looking unkempt, being extremely disproportionate.
Of course, a good personality can make up for those things, but things like that are often a little harder to get past than, say, having small breasts when the guy you're interested in likes bigger ones or carrying a bit of extra weight in the wrong places.
@SerenaDante@xanga - haha thank god! I've got those on my list too.
Bad teeth, bad acne, i dislike feet and if i see them and they're awful... out. Icky hands, small hands (i can't stand small hands on guys. well... small anything on guys.I like mine to be manly) Overweight fellows and really skinny ones. I'd rather not be with a beanstalk, thanks. or be bigger then him. Course there are other things, like bad breath and BO that are an immediate turn off. sometimes people are just ugly. its hard to pin everything down, it could be a bad mixture of any number of features.
even if an ugly person had a winning, fantastic personality (what drivel) i more then likely still would not date them. no physical attraction, no chemistry, no nothing. cept friendship.
I've always believed that looks and personality influence each other in the eye of the beholder. Often times I meet an unattractive person but he/she might have an awesome personality, it's easy to be repulsed by the looks at first, but as I give it more time to get to know the person, his/her personality will eventually outshine his/her look, and I will enjoy his/her company. And same goes the other around. A good looking person who lacks a good personality surely cannot attract me to develop a deeper relationship. So, it's wrong to judge a person solely by either look or personality, but rather it's the combination of the two that make the person who he/she is, so that's what we use to make our judgement.
Somehow, I feel today's society always focuses on outer beauty instead of inner beauty and it's really sad. I wish beauty wasn't just skin deep. I wish in order to be considered "hott" or "sexy," you didn't have to look like a supermodel or completely gorgeous. It's kind of sad as to what society has turned into.
I look at the 20's to the 50's and most of the women in that day and time didn't look like these almost borderline anorexic models we have now. I don't even think sex appeal was even around during those times.
Ugly these days depicts many different terms... with every person, it varies. I just don't think you should just a person by their outer appearance. Give them a chance to open their mouths... =)
I think ultimately, your personality shines through.. That's what makes someone look more physically attractive in my eyes. There's nothing more attractive than someone with a kind heart.
@jeezshoua@xanga - I'm gonna have to agree with you there! When I first met my boyfriend, I didn't think of him any more than a friend.. 'cause I wasn't physically attracted to him. Then as I got to know him better, his personality drew me in & you can say I fell in love with all of him.. save for a few quirks of his that I still need to work on. Thanks on being so candid~ lol.
Definitely their personality can make or break anyone. But... there is always "that" person that you just look at and say Damn! Could be bad, could be good. But it IS true, there is someone for everyone.
But one thing stands out and I can NOT get past... teeth. If you are jacked up, and look like you have been chewing glass mixed with yellow crayolas, sorry.
The first time I met my best friend (female), I wasn't particularly impressed with her looks.
Time passed though, and while she never really changed that much appearance wise, she became more and more beautiful in my eyes to the point where sometimes, I stop and think "...damn." Why? I got to know her more. I became closer to her and realized what an incredible person she is, and that directly correlated to her beauty.
Of course, I don't harbor any feelings for her, but the point is--so much of beauty is personality, because inner beauty will directly carry over to outer beauty (or lack thereof).
I've met many girls that I've considered drop-dead gorgeous at first glance, and now I think they're really pretty unattractive. Being bitchy and high-maintenance will definitely make you "uglier" to (most) men.
My 2 cents.
- John
I honestly don't know. I've looked at a lot of things other people said. I'll agree that personality can make a person "ugly".....but physically they are still beautiful.
When it comes to physical things, I just think it depends on how it looks on them. I have friend, his two front teeth slope inwards, like almost the opposite of being bucktoothed, but I find it really cute on him. If it were on someone else, I don't know, but for him, it works. Some people look better overweight than skinny and vice versa. Some people look good with facial hair, some don't. It just depnds on whether or not it looks good on the individual.
The only judgment that matters is from the person you are trying to get in the sack. So it doesn't really help if all an ugly girl's female friends think she's sute.
Honestly, the only people I find truly ugly are the ones I don't like. And I normally only dislike people when they have major personality flaws so...yeah. Everyone is beautiful, quite honestly, even if they are "abnormal" looking. I've realized that the more I've worked with people in an art setting. The ugliness only shines through when their outer beauty can't combat the inner ugly.
That said, some physical things I'm not attracted to are overly bad skin, generally unkempt appearance (such as dirty looking clothes, body odor, bad teeth) and shortness (for some reason I can't date guys under 5'10"). Weight doesn't come into play as much since I've dated guys who range from toothpicks to a more teddy bear-like physique.
I went to the beach with my boyfriend's brother and his friend the other day (my bf was working), and they commented on EVERY WOMAN. I had never heard that kind of talk before. It's frankly gross to hear whether a particular woman is a MILF or not.
OHMYGOD, Ghost World.
Best. Movie. Ever.
Some people are okay, but mostly I just feel like poisoning everybody.
I'm gonna have to go with MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio on this one.
although, through personal experience, ive found that girls such as the girls in your story, who are frequently put-down for being either unatractive personality-wise or the way they look, often end up just getting worse, and conforming to the expectations of their peers. the girls peers expect only poor personality traits from her, so thats all they will get.just a thought-try treating her like a part of the group and putting up with her flaws. over time, she will become more like you guys. in this way, assuming your group is better, she will eventually live a better life and your group will have helped her out of it.
... i feel like im rambling.
I always found it interesting how one of my ex boyfriends was the most beautiful man in the world in my eyes, and then once his abusive side surfaced I could not for the life of me remember what I ever thought was attractive about him. Personality definitely plays a huge part in determining attractiveness for me.
When guys are talking about a "busted" girl, often it's not on any sort of real life scale. I've seen a lot of guys talk about how ugly a bunch of girls are, talk about how hot their new girlfriend is, and then, well, once I actually see the girlfriend, I realize she must be funny or something.