Tuesday, 20 January 2009
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"My Girlfriend Tested Me and I Think I Failed"
Dominic, my roommate, came home from visiting his girlfriend in Michigan and he looked quite troubled. Naturally, I asked him what was wrong and he said he had made a huge mistake with Helena, his girlfriend.
Dominic is originally from Detroit, so his ex-girlfriend goes to the same school as Helena, but the two girls know each other only by name. When Dominic was in Michigan, Helena asked him if he wanted to see his ex to catch up or whatever. He said it wasn't really necessary because he hadn't spoken to her since they graduated high school in 2007. Helena kept insisting they invite the ex to a party Helena's suite was throwing. After some time, Dominic said, "Okay, yeah, it would be nice to see her again after all this time."
Helena basically threw a fit. She told him that she was testing him to see if he wanted to see his ex and now she knew that he had feelings for her still because he did want to see her. Now Helena is mad at Dominic because he failed this test. I told Dominic that testing an SO is one thing, but insisting that he choose the wrong answer is just mean and downright bitchy.
I told him that he should not feel guilty about saying what he did because it's not like he invited his ex to a romantic candlelight dinner...they'd be going to a party where there would be many other guests. Well, actually, he didn't even invite her; he just said it would be nice to do that. In the end, Dominic didn't see his ex-GF, but now things are a little frosty between he and Helena.
Personally, I think testing an SO is always a bad idea because it's basically setting him or her up for disaster.
What do you think? Is it fair to subject the person you love to a test they will probably fail?
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Comments (395)
Ugh, I'm a girl, but I hate the whole 'testing' thing. I'd never do it--I trust people more than that.
Also, if he already said no a few times, she should have just accepted his initial answer.
(Sheesh, women.)
That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. And if she felt like she had to "test" her SO, then they weren't at a very good stage in the relationship anyhow.
No it is setting yourself and your SO up for failure in the relationship itself. She should not have insisted so bad and just went with his first answer. That is not a very nice game to play with people especially if you care for them.
i dont, lol. sorry to say, I understand maybe little tests especially when it does come to ex's and whatnot. But he said no many times, and she KEPT demanding and insisting they see/meet her. You can only say no so many times. Not his fault
oh and by the way he said it, it sounds like he was more giving in to it in hopes that she WOULDN'T get mad for him saying no so many times
that was rather ridiculous of "helena". in a way, this was a test for her too because now, dominic can tell that Helena is not very secure or trusting of dominic.
open communications is the best way to go, not this passive-aggressive stuff... especially passive-aggressive
Uhm, she wasn't testing him--she was framing him.
setup.... poor guy~
As I girl, I'm saying that ridiculous! Why would she do that? Ever heard of trusting her bf? He deserves better.
Wow, that's some pretty hardcore bullshit right there.
I'm sorry for your friend because he's dating a girl that would intentionally set him up just so she could throw a bitch fit. Just judging from that incident alone, he deserves someone better because trust and respect are two very important foundations for a relationship, something "Helena" doesn't comprehend very well by the sound of it.
That is just fucking ridiculous.
"Helena kept insisting they invite the ex to a party Helena's suite was
throwing. After some time, Dominic said, "Okay, yeah, it would be nice
to see her again after all this time."
Helena was the one insisting, but then she was mad at him for trying to come to an agreement with her?
She needs to grow up.
Perhaps she's looking for excuses to end the relationship, because she doesn't want to end things because she wants to, but instead wants to create a situation in which it would seem like the guy's fault that it's over rather than hers.
Just a thought.
- John
Obviously she set him up. She practically fed him the answer she did not want him to say. I think testing is BS and is usually bad news when someone you care about does it. Your actions speak louder than words. His actions said no so she set him up for whatever reason she had. She appears to have trust issues with games like this as well.
That was deceitful, unfair, and downright bitchy of her. Helena obviously has issues. He's better off without her. He should be happy he got out while the getting was still good. I agree with John though. She probably wanted out in the first place and framed him just so that she didn't have to be the heavy.
sometimes girls have the tendency to do that
but yeah it is mean
esp accusations
That "test" meant nothing. He didn't say he wanted to SLEEP with his ex. If they ended on reasonable terms, why shouldn't they be allowed to catch up, as friends? Especially if his new woman is with him. Girls are so ridiculous and insecure sometimes. He might want to find someone less likely to freak out, for more permanent. Unless he likes that type of thing.
she totally setted him up..she kept insisting to invite her - so he might as well say yes in the end
All I have to say is that Helena better be REALLY REALLY hot, because on the hot crazy scale, she's REALLY REALLY CRAZY. I'm sure just about everyone above feels the same without even reading carefully. I'm not a fan of 'testing' no matter how it's done, it just seems shady, but I can understand that in some relationships, there's no other way. Not everyone has the communication ability to talk everything out, but what this girl did is not just testing, it's coercive, insanely jealous, manipulative, and every other extreme. She needs to CHILLAX. Poor guy.
that is a whole trust issue right there. obviously she didnt trust him at all if she had to "test" him. i really dont think that is necessary, like obviously seeing her wasnt an important thing but when she kept pushing it he said okay, but think it was more of a being nice thing. I think she needs to relax and learn to trust him more. "tests" shouldn't be part of relationships.
That girl is just paranoid and kind of a bitch. He should break up with her. Jealous people are so annoying.Â
i totally agree.. she INSISTED that he choose the wrong answer.. This 'Helena" sounds like a controlling, dramatic bitch. It is one thing to ask your SO a question and see if they lie to you (assuming you already know the TRUE answer for a fact) but to 'test' them and SHOVE them to the wrong answer is completely bullshit.Â
Sounds to me like your friend should dump her and move on.Testing the SO could be annoying (if you're the SO being tested), but it's worth it if the SO passes the test.. Then again, what if the SO fails?? Aren't you just setting up for disappointment if you're always trying to test the SO and the SO fails??
In my opinion, based on this situation, it's not really important if the BF wants to see his ex... I mean, they were once soul-mates.. You can't just stop carring about someone who you once shared your life with.... Even if the relationship ended, I'm sure there's still some love circulating. Perhaps not the romantic love that once was, but maybe a caring kind of love... So I would never forbid my SO from seeing her ex... I actually think that it shows that they're over one another...
Okay, yeah...Helena's a bitch.
Tests like that are just plain stupid. Maybe he said okay because she kept insisting and he wanted her to be happy (or at least just to shut her up, too bad that backfired). It was totally inappropriate for her to do that. Dominic didn't make any mistakes here.
she sounds like a right crazy bitch.
It's dumb and she sounds immature