Monday, 19 January 2009
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Is Being Romantic Borderline Creepy?
This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.I'm asking a guy I like to my school's Sadie Hawkins dance. The story is really complicated, so I won't bother to explain the entire situation, but from what I know of him, he's quite a romantic.
Anyway, the reason I say "asking" is because I'm literally in the process of asking him. Because he's a romantic, I've decided to write a bunch of letters to him over the course of the next two weeks, and on each page of the letter will be a letter (of the alphabet) and a corresponding number. By the time he receives a certain number of letters he'll be able to line up the letters/numbers and see "Will you go to Sadie Hawkins with me?"
I told a couple of my friends about my idea. Two said it was cute and romantic, one said it was too time-consuming for both parties to be any good, and one said it was downright creepy and conceited. Her argument is that he doesn't care enough about me yet to actually take the time to read my letters, which are pretty much one-sided conversations.
At first I was more inclined to agree with the "cute/romantic" friends, but the "creepy/conceited" friend has gotten me really anxious. In fact, the more I think about it, every romantic action displayed toward me has been taken as completely creepy if I don't have strong feelings toward the person being romantic.
I guess my question is, should I forgo my plan of asking him to the dance in the romantic way? Is it too creepy? I've already given him one letter but I could always just make up some sort of story as to why I won't continue to write him. Am I the only one who thinks romance can be creepy?
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Comments (75)
It all depends on how the "romance" is displayed...I've seen both. I've had a guy be unwelcomingly touchy...not really in a perverted sense, but b/c I knew he liked me and I did not reciprocate the feelings at all, when he leaned on me, put his arm around my shoulders, etc, I felt rather creeped out.
Then again, when that special someone I'm really into (hehe) does something like randomly hugs me or whatever, I feel all warm and fuzzy...I can't get enough of the attn. And he's not creepy in the least!!
:e)
This isn't romantic. Your method is serious overkill. Guys don't like this. Be straightforward. All of those letters would drive me nuts, and, frankly, make me wonder what bizarre things you'd do in the future... and I'd say no.
In response to the title itself: Yes, being romantic is borderline creepy, if not completely creepy. Ick. The most romantic thing a person can do is be natural and let "romantic" moments just happen instead of making them happen. Created romantic moments/things are lame, creepy, and laughable.
I dated a guy who was into really romantic gestures, candles, flowers, bad poetry. It was honestly very tedious and it somehow never felt genuine.
Oh yes, guys don't dig subtlety. You have to knock them over the head with something very straightforward.
I guess the answer to this question is not going to come across as simple... I mean its all a matter of opinion on what is romantic to you. Something romantic to you could come off as time consuming to someone else and something simple can come off as romantic to another. If you like the idea of giving a letter and to you its "romantic" then that is what matters. All you can hope is that he would respond to it... Can romance be creepy? I suppose it can be depending a couple of factors... it can become obsession which in turn is "creepy". But everyone's idea of romance is slightly different from the next person.
I think your plan is sweet;
and if he's a romantic; and you know him really well;
it's not creepy at all.
Now; it's only creepy if only one person has feelings; and it comes across as stalkerish. or something
(:
Sadie Hawkins.
._.
I still need a date to that. x_x.
Be natural... and this letters thing is not natural...
This isn't romantic at all lol, just annoying and time-consuming, as you were told. The boy will probably know what the question is after the first letter anyway... and besides, do you really want to write about 30 letters?
Go with like sexily whispering it into his ear. Or something.
yeah like they said, us guys would probably scratch our heads and armpits, some trying to figure it out
give up
and go back to swinging around in trees
This does seem time consuming but if he's the romantic type then he of all people should be able to appreciate this gesture. Just make sure he knows what to do with the letters because if he doesn't get it (and that is a very real possibility) this idea could become an epic fail.
I'd say creepy since you're not going out with him or anything.
haha if a guy did that to me I think I'd just be like "hey (insert friend, family) look at this.....weird huh?" and then if they kept coming I'd be like "umm..." and then eventually I'd go with someone else just as friends to avoid saying no to you =D
I'd say ask him straight up! That way you know for sure, and if he says no, you'll feel like less embarrassed about the whole thing.
Definitely creepy.
romance can always end being creepy and make people feel a little stand off-ish. If a guy did something like that to me and I didn't at least feel something toward him I'd feel bad for the guy and feel a little creeped out. It is a cute idea, and you never know how the outcome could turn out. If he has a short attention span then I would suggest against it. Also is he going to even keep the letters to be able to figure it out?
I like the straight foreward approach. Even when being romantic. Like one letter with a hidden message or something.
good luck. I'm no help really. haha
i think it's more weird than creepy. it's too complicated. why don't you just do something simple? the simple meaningful gestures are much more effective.
and all romantic acts are creepy if they're delivered by someone in whom we're not particularly interested. so unless you're sure he's totally into you, this *will* result in being creepy.
Complicated and time consuming. Just be straight forward in a romantically way. If a guy was to do that to me, I think it'll get a bit tiring after five pages or so. =/
It depends on the guy...if he is the creative/artstic/romantic type (right-brained) like few men are (but several of my friends are) then he'll really appreciate it. Especially if he is already into you.
Doe she write poetry or music? Is he artistic and creative?
If you're not sure...but are leaning towards him being romantic (as you've said) and the right-brained type...drop a hint about the dance...but keep giving him the letters. If yo are sure he can handle the letters, send them. Otherwise...stop giving letters and just ask him out.
I personally think its complicated but not creepy. It wouldn't be a great approach for me.
-Cuisine
Every romantic act requires some degree of psycho.
Oi! I got an idea! How about girls give opinions about what girls like, and guys give opinions about what guys like?
Look, I'm pretty traditional. I do most of the asking, and I like to put some, if not a TON of effort into it. The more time I put into it, I figure, the more the girl knows I think she's worth it.
My first date took 110 hours of planning and putting together (400 water balloons do not fill themselves!). It was with the most BEAUTIFUL girl, who I knew was doing some serious slumming to go on a date with me, so I did everything I could to knock it out of the park. And you know what? It was awesome. She asked me out a week later, and even now that she's married, she still kept the momentos from it.
So when there is a girl's choice dance, or a girl once in a while decides to ask ME out, I LOVE it when it's something clever, and, though this may seem selfish, a little time consuming. I'd like to think I'm worth it too.
I say go for it. If he isn't into that kind of romance, well, he'd be boring to date anyway.
Why not, instead of giving him full out letters, give him just the numbers/letters? In separate envelopes and at the same intervals as you were going to do the letters. Its still the same basic idea, but will save you a lot of time and probably come across better.
time consuming....if you want to be romantic...do it in another way, in my opinion. God bless!!!
@lotta_valdez@xanga - haha, "subtlety" ...yeah. I agree. It took me a while to figure out that one of my female friends liked me (like nearly an entire year :P).
yeah... it's too much and not so much romantic. Romantic makes more sense once youre already dating someone, anyways, rather than someone you're not sure returns your feelings, because then it can be creepy. it would be much more cute/less stalkery if you just sent the letters to him, or gave him one word each day that would add up to "will you go to the dance with me" or whatever, rather than writing entire letters cause all that will spell is "desperate."
It all depends on the type of person to whom u show ur affection to.
Its like some people crave for romantric relationship and some people likes it to be more sophisticated, so first understand what he is like and then decide what do u want to do next.
It's a very sweet gesture. If he's a romantic he'll probably appreciate it.
My thing is more, is if these letters take a long time to be distributed, then someone else may step up to the plate faster and snag him beforehand.
The idea its self is not creepy or conceited in anyway. It shows that you're taking the time to do something romantic for him because you know he'd like that. It's a very sweet idea, however, yes it's time consuming.