Saturday, 17 January 2009
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Getting Nervous around People You Like
This is a guest blog submitted by lovemigraine.Don't you hate how when it's just some random person you hardly know, flirting comes so easily? Then somehow, when it's someone you're actually interested in, you act like your every move is being watched.
I hate how we can't be ourselves around someone we like. Sure, it's easy for others, but I find it difficult. I'm always worried about saying something stupid, but it limits me to how open I can be. With just guy friends and guys I meet along the way, flirting doesn't seem like such a big obstacle. It's also funny how those "guy friends" that you just happen to be comfortable around to flirt with are sometimes the same people that end up being falling for you. Conclusion? Be yourself.
On another note, if you can never really be yourself around someone you like and they end up not liking you, then it's enough to say to yourself that he doesn't like the act you put on. So personal rejection? Nahh. Although, if they do end up liking you, how would you know if it's for who you are and not who you pretend to be?
How do you teach yourself to be comfortable around someone you might potentially like? If you can't be yourself, would that still make it worth it?
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- From: lovemigraine@xanga
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Comments (40)
Just don't hold back. If they care about you they'll let you know without hurting you, if they don't then they arent worth the pain.
Lol I definitely don't know the answer to this question... sometimes I still act nervous around my boyfriend (like when I REALLY want to kiss him and he's doing something) and he's like, "Wtf is wrong with you?"
If you don't know how to be comfortable before the person u like.. then u're selfish not to share your true self with him. ANd sure it will have less chance for the relationship to last..
yeah I have that problem too, but I find that with enough time, it eventually goes away but by then its too late anyway.
I dunno. It's handy for making sure you have genuine feelings for someone. I always like to describe it as "She intimidates me in all the right ways"
@SerenaDante@xanga - yeah, I get nervous around my boyfriend (sometimes) too..
Be confident and be yourself.
Me i still get nervos around my boyfriend still it funny because i been going out with him a year and 7 month so i dont know.
It just takes practice. This is just another phase of life that we all grow out of. It took 11 years for me to grow out of my crying stage and it'll take longer to grow out of the flirting one, but sooner or later everyone does it.
i'm not the nervous type so i don't know. i mean, what have you got to lose?
if they can't handle you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best.
Sometimes the way you act in the beggining is a little different from what you normally do. Your stepping outside the box, stepping outside your comfort zone to either get your flirt on and be successful, or set yourself up for a new lesson in rejection. Most people test different waters from thier normal persona, to learn about thier interest. After comfortable, they tone themselves down to a more comfortable standard and "get to know" the other in a new way. I think this is how people become more open minded and learn who and what they like in people. As you go, you figure how you feel most comfortable flirting too.
In most instances, you are who you make yourself to be..unless you start lying and trying to do things you know you dont like. Thats when you know your setting a wrong foundation.
I get nervous but not as much as I used to in the beginning. The thing that helped me is that I learned to ignore my nervousness. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it more manageable. Try focusing on other things and don't think about your nerves; thinking about them makes them so much worse! Good luck!
Ugh, I can relate. :X
I'm actually not that big of a flirt. And I generally only flirt with the guy I like, not anyone else along the way. Anyways, the way I flirt is somewhat subtle, so only the people who know me well can tell when I'm flirting. I alway am myself around the guy I like, because amazingly, he really likes me, even though I have all my weird quirks and make a fool out of myself quite often.
I think that you should always try to be yourself. I am really shy when I like a guy. There isn't really anything I can do about that. I'm not going to be really outgoing all of a sudden. I always wish that I was more outgoing in that situation but I worry too much about what he thinks. I am still always myself though just a lot more quiet haha. Usually I open up once I am sure that the guy likes me back. It's funny because when I don't have a crush on a guy but like him just as a friend I feel very comfortable. I'll ask questions when I meet him, joke around...guys have actually interpreted this as me liking them. One guy told some other guys that he thinks I have a crush on him, while really I liked this other guy who had no idea but worked with us too. As for teaching yourself how to be comfortable...I unfortunately have no idea. I'd like to know that myself!
Very common problem. I attempt to trick myself into treating the person I like like any other person. It works 50% of the time. Hmm, I guess I need to perfect that technique some more.
Personally I have no problem being myself with the person I like in fact I tend to be MORE myself with the person I like. I think it all comes down to trying something different with the person you like to try to get them to like you more but really all you have to do is be yourself and if they don't like you so be it.
i used to have a problem with talking to women i like- i would open my mouth and all sorts of stupid shit would come out for no apparent reason besides nervousness
i discovered alcohol and that problem went away, sadly a whole slough of other problems reared their ugly head
now i dont drink that much. and i am finally becoming comfortable with myself.
wow, i've noticed that too, like with crushes i'm more shy and friends have noticed that and pointed it out to me.
but its hard not to be that way!
I get nervous around everyone, not just the people I like.
So, I can't really help, but you're definitely not alone. :]
Try not to be self conscious. It's hard at first but with time you'll be fine.
My high school sweetheart and I were both like that in the beginning. It was so bad that he hid his mouth whenever he smiled and I always tried to hide my face. We were both scared of looking ugly lol.
But when we started dating, we got wayyy comfy with each other. We'd act dumb together and not care. We'd even fart in each other's presence and scrunch our noses and laugh.
If you can learn to laugh at yourself when you do something embarrassing, then he might also feel comfortable with himself around you.
Then you guys could both really enjoy each other's company.
Good luck with err'thang! Haha :]
Of course, it's always easier said than done. Still, I'm pretty sure being one's self is the best way to go, since going any other way will probably bring loads of drama. If you're really into someone, eventually, you'll be able to open up, and that person will see you for who you are. Good things come to those who wait =]
i have that exact problem. for me i force my mind to think that i don't like them (but i really do) and just act myself around them like how i would w/ my guy friends.
idk if it works bc this hasn't happened to me in a reeeeeeally long time. school takes up way too much time for me
i'm awkward around my crushes too. you are not alone. :\
i'm totally cool being a gal pal (heck, my best bud is a guy) but when it comes to someone i like, i immediately revert to 3rd grade and bully him. Once, the guy I dated had already known that I liked him and the feeling was mutual so he countered with wit and we bantered to our hearts' content. not so much luck with the current guy. I don't know why it's so hard. but just being yourself really is the best advice. If you can't, then just try to minimalize the negatives....? i derno. I'm as lost as you are.
I always tell people to employ a close friend as a "flirting coach". Works, seriously.
The downside of that is that I am now always forced to be said coach. =/