Friday, 16 January 2009
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Can You Choose Who You Fall in Love With?
This is a guest blog submitted by OhSoDifficult.I'd never been the one to pick someone to go fall for and/or to go after. The ones I fell for always caught me off guard when I least expected it. And I'm never the one to handle such situations with grace and elegance. I've been, in most cases, a slow-to-warm-up person in general and it makes everything feels awkward. And whenever I'm all warmed up, they've already gone to someone or somewhere else. Then there I am, left heartbroken.
If I chose who I want to fall in love with, I wouldn't be caught off guard and it probably would prevent the awkwardness that would occur.
What do you think? Is it even possible to pick and choose who you fall in love with? Do you find yourself caught off guard by the people you fall for?
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- From: OhSoDifficult@xanga
- Name: OhSoDifficult
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Comments (64)
This all reminds me of the movie Closer, when Alice says, "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment,
"I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't
know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."
You can choose who you associate with. Many times people fall in love with friends or acquaintances. It doesn't have to be "love at first sight" or a "completely off-guard" thing to be love.
Yes and no. I don't think you can choose who you are attracted to, have chemistry with, or grow to love. But I do think you can choose how intense those emotions get if you know how to keep yourself in check. For example, you can choose to keep a crush a simple crush without letting it turn into a head-over-heels thing, but you can't choose whatever sparked your emotions in the first place.
You can't choose who you fall in love with. Either you do, or you don't. There is no in between, for me at least. Love is a very black and white thing for me, though, as you might can tell, with very, very little gray area.
You can't control who you have feelings for, so no. You can't really pick and choose someone and force yourself to fall in love with them. Love in itself is subjective, and emotions are generally subjective. However, you DO choose if you want to be in a relationship with someone or not based on objective perspectives.
In short: you can't choose who you have feelings for.
I don't think you choose who you fall in love with.
I think you can choose what life you want, what type of people you date with your logic, but love is anything but logic.
possibly, but not really, cause falling in love with someone isn't like buying a product, a certain person can have all the requirements you wanted in a partner but if there lacks chemicals, then it still won't work.
I think..if you force yourself to believe anything, it's possible..
But love is natural..
Sometimes, but I wouldn't say I've actually fallen in love. I'm kind of picky...which shouldn't suit me -_-.
Huh? You're supposed to choose who you fall in love with. I thought that was like the golden rule of thumb with love.
I know this is oversimplifying it, but: Yes. If you spend time with someone and put effort into flirting with them and get to know them, it can happen rather easily.
I think you can, and you can't as well. Obviously you can't help who you love, but what you do get to decide is "Do I want to pursue this?" Relationships work not only based on feelings but so much more. And I say, if someone does not stick around by the time you've warmed up, it's better off that you move on. (May I add that I think it's completely okay to keep them on their toes, just don't keep them completely clueless that they feel they need to leave.) Find someone who loves you for you and will wait for you.. they're out there, lots of them.
If you fall in love, make sure that person is good for you and worth your time. And don't hold back on who you are because "who you are" is probably who you want that other person to love. Love is natural but what you do with it is all up to you.
I think if you forced yourself to interact and develop a relationship with someone you could end up loving them but it's much more of an adventure not choosing
I get caught off guard all the time. But I think there's still a moment when I choose to allow those feelings to take hold. But then if I try to ignore them, they don't always go away.
I think you can choose who you have feelings for, to an extent. Whereas the mind plays tricks on people, they can also play tricks on the mind. At one point I knew a guy liked me a year or two back, so with some work I did have myself like him back; But it's not the same as it is when it just happens. Because you can't choose who you love or fall in love with, that's impossible. You can force yourself to like someone, you can force yourself to think you have feelings for them, but you can never force those feelings to be genuine unless they happen on their own.
im in the same boat. when i first meet sumone, it takes a long time for me to "warm up" to them, and by the time i figure out my true feelings for them, its too late. theyve already decided that we should "just be friends", or theyve moved on to someone else. it completely sucks, leaving me disappointed, and eternally single. i hope u hav better luck.
First of all, relationships are reciprocal, so if you are slow to warm up matched with someone who's aklready on fire, the relatinoship will not feel reciprocal to both parties. One will feel adored, I'm sure, but the other will feel neglected and will burn out.
As for being able to choose or not choose, I would say that there are certainly natural laws of attraction we all del with but, yes, you can choose to care for whom you want to love.
If you are wise you'll choose someone you have or can develope attraction to mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, but we often times do not follow the wisdom we have because we fear it will keep us from what we immediately desire.
It is a terrible power, choice, use it wisely.
I follow my heart, and hope for a bit of luck in love. Love and romance are a lot like the slot machine, or a russian roulette. You either come out as a loser at the game or hit the jackpot!
if me i think i can't choose to fall in love with whom..i loved someone but he'd already have "someone", i think he so love her..maybe he knew about my feeling but i didn't want to crush their relationship so i decided to go far away from them although i still love him rite now...
i didn't choose to felt in love with him when i met him, the feeling just grew up in my heart..i felt sad and regret when i saw him alone or with his girlfren
tks to u, cultur3shoX because finally i can tell about my sad story love although a little bit only
@immaairheadxl@xanga - i so agree with u
Oh man can I identify with this question...in my experience, love makes no sense. I've been a victim of the "bad boy syndrome." You know, the worse a guy treats you, the more you fall for him...I also fell in love (and I still love him to this day) with a guy who goes to school in Alaska (I live in Ohio) and we only see each other twice a year...I never make anything simple, haha.
A wise man once said something like this: "Choosing who you fall in love with is about as useless as trying to make somebody fall in love with you." Espcially since if you choose someone, you have to put up with every last flaw they have, and same with them you.
It's possible to choose people you get to know. So, in learning about the people around you, it is possible that the things you learn about them could be things you appreciate or, at the very least, don't dislike. But I agree with the other people that have said that you can't choose who you have chemistry with, and what is love without the sizzle? Just a really good friendship. That's what I think anyway.
@loudletters@xanga - :)