Friday, 16 January 2009
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"I Was Just Joking About That Racy Convo I Had with Another Girl!"
This is a guest blog submitted by justtryme11.My current boyfriend and I have had a long, messed up history. We started off fine as boyfriend and girlfriend but broke up three months later. Looking back, I know this is where I should have split from him forever.
I watched his MySpace and Facebook pages fill up with comments from many girls, especially one girl who I'll call Samantha. He didn't date any of these girls, but he did have "relations" with a lot of them. Meanwhile, he stayed in contact with me and eventually explained that he wanted to come back to me, and that he'd loved me all along.
We got back together officially a second time, and the comments from the other girls stopped. Samantha's, though, kept going strong. They even visited each other a few times while he and I were dating. It just makes me suspicious. I don't trust him a bit...
We eventually broke up for a second time because he was moving to Vermont (I'm in Virginia). He said that he still loved me, but it couldn't work out. While he kept telling me he loved me, he picked up all those aforementioned girls again and was back to no-strings-attached relationships left and right. And he KEPT TELLING ME that he loved me. I love him too, but here's my dilemma:
We got back together A THIRD time, and we promised to each other that we'd try to make it work out. All those girls are gone again and he rarely talks to them, but Samantha is still in the picture. I've had so many nervous breakdowns around him because I still think he's into her. He assured me that there's nothing going on between them and that they're just "friends".
Then one day, I came across a conversation that he'd had with her. It was sexually explicit in nature, and yet again, I freaked. That's when I learned that he'd regularly been having that kind of conversation with her and lying about it to my face. He says that he'd never act on it and that he is just "joking around" with her. He's extremely adamant about the "joking around" thing. I told him that I think it's disrespectful to me, and my opinion is that he's still cheating. He, however, sees no problem with it and cannot see my viewpoint at all. I came so close to calling it all off the other night.
I'm still fuming over it. Is it really okay to "joke around" about sex and tell each other what you'd like to do to each other when you're in a relationship? He says it's fine as long as he never acts on it physically. It just makes me sick to think about. :(
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- From: justtryme11
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Comments (118)
Just dump his ass god.
He's obviously a whore, why even bother.
Common sense people.
Drop him. He doesn't respect you. It will go from this to having sex with other girls and his telling you "it doesn't mean anything, I love you."
Don't have anything else to do with him. Respect yourself without him, and the next time your phone rings with his number, ignore it.
You said it yourself: It makes you sick to think about it. If he doesn't even respect your feeilngs about this (even though I think you are totally justified in them, because I find it unconscionable), he's as big a loser as you think he is.
You really deserve better than this. I know how tough it is, when you're in love... almost everything seems forgivable, but seriously: Get out now, and don't give him another chance to disappoint you and take you for granted.
No, it's not okay, and this guy is a douchebag. Dump his ass for good and, if you can, stop talking to him completely too, so he doesn't try to convince you he loves you again - because clearly, he doesn't. If he did, he wouldn't be doing any of that stuff.
Um, no, it's not OK to consistently tell a girl that you want to put your penis in their vagina when you're supposedly "in love" with another girl.
When you have not even "a bit" of trust for someone, as is the case with you and your boyfriend, there is no true love. Period.
you need to break up with him. if he is having these kinds of conversations with another girl, it means he is thinking about it, and the only next step is acting on it. you've already expressed that you don't trust him, and the conversation you found just proves your distrust. don't waste your time on someone like this, it's definately not worth it. you just have to be strong and stand your ground because you know you deserve better than that.
Are you serious? This dude obviously doesn't love you and you were stupid to get back with him for the third time. Should've known he wasn't that into you when that comments from Samantha kept coming. It takes two to tango, you know.
Thats disgusting that he would disrespect you like that.
yeah this is weird behavior...break up
If he felt he needed to hide about it, it was more than just joking. Even if you did know about it, I wouldnt be comfortable with that... He lied to you about this, what makes you think he would tell you if he had sex with another women if he still doesnt see what he is doing wrong. He would be one of those guys sleeping around and when you caught him would say "she doesnt mean anything to me, I love yooooooooooou"
Id leave him if I were you.
@hillaryaxxo@xanga - No one "should have known". People make mistakes in their lives, she's obviously realizing that now.
"Looking back, I know this is where I should have split from him forever."
I dont know what you've gone through in your life, but I know its hard to let someone that you love go, but its even harder to accept the fact that their big fucking douchebags who don't deserve an emotion passed from someone else, ever.
Break up with him for sure. You can't date somebody who you can't trust.
Wow, you're a mess girlfriend! You can do way better and he isn't way better.
Dump him and move on. He is not worth your time.
there is no right or wrong. you think it's wrong. he thinks it's right. there's a huge difference in opinion there that is causing a rift in the relationship. the choice is obvious, isn't it?
I understand it's hard to leave someone when you truly and honestly care for them but sometimes, you just have to step your foot down and say, "Enough is enough!"
I do consider this "cheating" because he was doing this behind your back and would lie about it when you confront him. And then make it into a joke when you found out about it on your own. Just because he didn't act upon it don't mean it justify what he did.
It's downright disrespectful.
If I were you, I'll leave. You deserve someone better. Someone who would respect you and treat you like you're the only girl in his life.
Seriously, I think he's keeping you as a 'rebound' by his side. He can play with Samantha all he wants but in his head, he'll know you'll be there for him emotionally and physically. Your weakness is his strength.
You can't have a relationship without trust.
I would NOT trust that guy at all. Dump him! You don't joke about racy conversations like that... ever. Not even a little bit. It doesn't seem like he respects you and doesn't seem to care how you feel. You will find someone better eventually.
It's easy to blame the guy for being a douche, but you are to blame as well. You keep crawling back to him and you have the nerve to complain about it? Even if you broke up with him for good, you'll just find someone else just like him. You need psychiatric help to break the cycle. Don't just blame one half of the problem.
ohon... totally NOT okay. period. that *is* cheating, emotionally, physically, verbally, what ever....
I think the other break ups should be a sign... not someone you want to be with and deal with, it just attracts drama.
Ok, I don't think you need psychiatric help. I do, however, think you should ask yourself why you've kept going back to him. Is it because he said he loves you? You'll find someone else who can say it and actually means it.
It sounds to me like you know what you need to do, though.
just leave him. if it makes you uncomfortable that he has those kinds of conversations with another girl, and you told him about it, he should stop. even if he thought it was okay to begin with, he is completely disregarding your feelings by blowing it off, and that is not okay by any means.
the replies on this post should be a good indicator--a unanimous dump him from datingish doesn't usually come unless he's a real jerk.
"Joking around" Yeah, that's what the guys told the teacher when they'd pick on me when I was younger. "We were just playing". Yeah, playing with my head. Seems like they don't grow up even when they grow older.
I wouldn't trust him, but that's just me. You know him better than I.
i say drop him for good. he is not good and i consider that cheating just talking dirty to someone else while being in a relationship with someone else. you should not have to keep in touch with another person flirting and all that with.
Time to say bye-bye. [:
Guys like him don't deserve you at all! He's a horny ass who just can't keep it to himself. He's completely unfaithful. Guys like him make me sick.
Drop him and get him out of your life. You can do way better.
oh gosh more and more problems like these have been coming recently. Its so odd. It like the man likes to have his fantasy but then also have that back up in reality.
You are just his fall back girl. He knows you will always be there to take him back no matter what he does or how he fucks up. He doesn't love you. He just knows that if he says that you'll be naive enough to believe and stay. He knows he can control you and manipulate you and thats wrong.
DUMP HIS ASS. and do NOT get back with him. Staying in this relartionship shows you have no respect for yourself and if you dont have any respect for yourself how can anyone else have any?