Friday, 16 January 2009
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I'm Grounded And Can't See My BF
This is a guest blog submitted by Samantha.I met a guy named Chris a while ago through a friend, and we really hit it off. He's 21 and I'm 17 - where I live, I'm of the age of consent already and I'll be 18 in two months anyway.
Soon after I realized I liked him liked him, I talked to my mom about it - I was so scared to tell her about how big the age difference was - and she said that she met my dad when he was 21 and she was 17; it was fine for us to go and hang out.
When Chris came to pick me up, my dad wasn't home, so he just met my mom instead and he promised to have me home by 11. We left under the guise of hanging out with all of our friends, but we ended up leaving early, sitting in his car at a nearby park and talking instead. Earlier that night, he'd told me that he liked me; I was still in shock, but in the car that night, we kissed. He said that we should start dating and I agreed - it was amazing. I finally had an amazing boyfriend who wasn't a jerk like most of the guys around here. We started hanging out together all the time.
Later that month, we were at the park again, sitting and talking in the car - it was about 9:15 and I had to be home at 9:30 because it was a school night. Out of nowhere, two cops showed up, made us get out of the car and searched us. One of the cops asked for my number and address - they called my house and reached my dad, asking him to come pick me up.
My dad was mad, and when he found out Chris was 21, he flipped out. I am currently grounded. I can't see Chris and I'm not supposed to talk to him, either. I still talk to him on the computer and on the phone when I can, and I've seen him once at the mall when I was there with my brother and his friend. My dad says I'll still be grounded after I turn 18 and that I still won't be able to see or talk to him.
I plan on spending my birthday with Chris, but my parents don't know that.
Do you think it's wrong that my parents won't let me see or talk to him and say I'm still grounded at 18? Have your parents ever done anything like this to you?
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Comments (55)
I never had a curfew, because my parents trusted me enough to not cause such tom-foolery at all hours of the night.
Your dad just flipped out (cops got involved, you were with a 21-year-old), and I would imagine once he loses some of his steam, he'll reason with you.
having the cops involved with your children esp when they are someplace they aren't supposed to be, doing something they weren't supposed to be doing (you have already admitted to deceiving them) will indeed tick off a parent. and the answer is yes-
even after you're 18, if you still live at home and you are financially dependent on them. It's called the golden rule-he who has the gold makes the rule.however, I suspect once your dad cools off, things will settle down. this will be your golden opportunity to make amends by showing maturity and the b/f should step up to plate and come meet everyone (this is where you really find out if he's a jerk or not) or at least be willing to. Good luck.(oh, and in answer to your other question, yes they have.)hell, if the cops caught my 17-year-old daughter in a car with a 21-year-old, she'd be grounded too! who the heck knows what you two were really doing...or what he was trying to do...or whatever.
dont do the crime if you cant do the time
you got caught breaking the rules...cool bf or not, you deserve the punishment
Your dad was upset because the cops were involved, and because he didn't know that the guy you were seeing was 21. He might have jumped to conclusions and assumed that you were just fooling around in a car with an older guy. I would have been upset too.
When he's calmer about the situation, you can talk to him and explain that you weren't doing anything wrong and that your mother had previously given you permission to date the guy. Have your boyfriend apologize and make amends with your father, because as long as your dad is upset with you, you won't see much of that guy again.
Also, being 18 makes you a legal adult, but as long as you are still living with your parents they still have control over your life. That includes curfews and punishments.
Just be on your good behavior
Get on your Dad good side
Then maybe you wont be grounded til your 18* LOL
Just hope that your dad would let you off the hook early cause of your good behavior -- your dad just upset cause the cops caught you two in a car & your dad dont even know anything about it nor your 21* years old BF
yeah. that's y i don't tell my parents anything. I'm 18 and according to them i only had one girlfriend in 10th grade and thats it.
I was in a similar situation when I was 17 but unlike you I was actually doing something bad and got arrested for it (well really I was driving around some drunk friends and beer but wasn't drinking myself). My parents obviously grounded me after getting a call from the cops and trust me it's pretty hard to win back your parents' trust after getting arrested. I was also hanging out with a guy whom I liked when I got arrested and my mom yelled at him a lot and told him to never come near me again. Eventually though my parents realized that he is a great guy and even though we aren't dating anymore he spends the holidays with us and and my parents love him. It is just going to take a little while until your parents trust you again and since you weren't doing anything wrong it will probably be fine soon. Parents just get scared when the cops are involved, understandably so. I think that it's wrong to not let you see him when you're 18 but annoyingly your parents can still set the rules when you are living under their roof. On the other hand, they are just trying to protect you. Just try to make your dad realize that you weren't doing anything bad and maybe you could have your boyfriend over for dinner so your dad can get to know him. He probably reacted that way because he didn't know anything about your boyfriend.
I think Dads are typically more protective of their daughters than with their sons.
But of course he’s mad! The police was involved, and the guy’s 21. Plus, he hasn’t even met him yet. He grounded you because he was mad, and concerned about you [Hopefully? ._.]. I suggest that you don’t do anything against your parents’ will. If your dad caught you again, who knows what will happen next. Just wait till your grounding is over, and maybe he’ll let you see your boyfriend again. When he's cooled down, talk to him. It’s your life after all. Do what you want.
I had this sort of situation happen to me too. Last year, I was in a 4-month relationship with my [ex] boyfriend. The only thing that would get on my mom’s nerves was that I would practically be on the phone all day with him. About 3-months into my relationship, my mom barges into my room at 1 AM, takes my phone and hides it till the next day. I was so mad. She looked at my cell phone and read my messages from him, which made me even more angry. I told her she had no right to do that, and that she has to respect my privacy. Her response: She laughs at me. Telling me I have no privacy whatsoever from her. What the fuck. Then we get in a huge fight and starts talking about my future. She told me I couldn’t call him, see him, or even talk on the phone. And blah, blah. xD
I should stop now. o-o LOL. :x
Their roof their rules, and besides that in most states you're still technically a minor until you graduate high school. Try to understand where your dad is coming from, he just wants to protect. Let him blow off some steam and talk to him about it, but don't go sneaking around. You will get caught and the punishment will be worse.
This situation has two parts to it:
1) You're dating an adult while you're still legally a minor (which, since you're legally able to consent, it up to you; your father, however, disagrees).
2) You still live under your father's roof, either cannot or choose not to support yourself, and are, therefore, still his dependent. As such, you sacrifice some of your freedoms that many people believe are entitlements (especially at the age of 18). While your father may be overreacting, it is entirely within his right to discipline you so long as you are his dependent. The other option is to move out and support yourself, at which point you have the freedom that accompanies that new responsibility.
ur dad is just being overly-protective.. i'm sure you and your mom will be able to reason with him once he's calmed down a bit.. but as long as you're still living under your parents' care and house and all that, it's most important to keep a respectful relationship alive with them. cuz no matter what, family is family and they're the only family you're given
Guessing your dad was under the impression that you were fooling around in the park and that's why the cops got you. You can explain to him that you were just talking, but I'm not sure he'd believe you, haha. Just let him cool off, and meanwhile be on your best behavior and earn his trust back. Right now he doesn't trust either one of you, especially your bf.
Yep, as long as you're still living with your parents it doesn't matter if you're 18. I just turned 18 last year and I expected everything to change, but nothing did because I was still living with my mom. So I moved out and got my own apartment, and that sucked almost equally as bad. So I'm back at home now, and I lie all the time to get around the rules. My semi-boyfriend is older than me too. Honestly, I don't even think that there's anything wrong with the age difference between you two, but I can understand your parents saying that.
Parents just don't understand.
You had it better than me. Coming from a strict and traditional family, my dad didn't even allow me to date (like go on a one-on-one date with a guy). If I wanted to go on a date, I had to bring one of my sisters along just so she can be my dad's eyes. We all thought it was ridiculous!
I have to say in your situation, your dad is just being a dad. I would flip out too if I found out that my daughter was somewhere in the parking lot doing who knows what with a 21 years old (that I haven't even met) and the cops was involved. Hey, you're under their roofs so their rules goes unless you're not dependent on them anymore. Next time, properly introduced your bf to your dad and your mom. Make some time for all of you guys to sit down and talk so they can get to know your guy a bit better.
I think this is really stupid. Not only that, but you've already talked to your mom about it, so she needs to talk to your dad. You guys all need to sit down and have a chat about this situation. Sure, some mistakes were made, and you should have introduced the guy to your dad also, but now that everything is out in the open it needs to be sorted out.
It's about communication!I think he is being fairly unjust. If he dated your mom at 21 while she was 17, what's the problem? I also don't understand why the cops decided to get involved unless of course you weren't allowed to be parked in the area you were parked in. As long as Chris isn't some kind of "delinquent" and you are responsible enough to make the right and rational decisions concerning your relationship, I don't see why you two should be kept apart. Why don't you try having Chris meet your father formerly over dinner or something?
Parents are never going to one day be on our side and have everything go the way we want. They can't really stop you from doing certain things either. The trick is to not have them know..
It's surprising how few rights you really have until you're financially independent.
It is your parents house and you are not 18 yet, which by the way, is whern you are legally classified as an adult by the law. It is not unfair for them to set rules that you should follow. Something makes me doubt the validity of the whole sitting and talking thing too because despite what you might think, cops don't arrest/search people who are just sitting in a parking lot talking.
I am 22 and live with my parents. While I have much more freedom to do what I please than when I was a teen, I am still expected to abide by the rules they have and to help out around the house. You don't get around that until you move out.
once you're 18 do watever you please.
@JazzedUpArcher@xanga - I disagree completely with it being the mom's job to tell the girls father. I do agree that they need to sit down and talk but she should have done this first instead of ip toeing around the subject with her father.
I totally feel for you. I know most people think that because of the age difference, it gives your father the right to flip out on you. Honestly, you two weren't doing anything wrong being at the park (minus if they have one of those stupid sundown rules) and your mother had already approved it. I think you should go talk to her about it because she seems to be more understanding. Get her alone and plead your case.
Unfortunately, if she's one of those old-fashioned "always-listen-to-my-husband-because-he's-in-charge" type people then you're probably screwed for a bit.
Just stick it out, it will work itself out soon.
Good Luck =)
the guy im dating now is 22 and has a 2 year old, and im only 17, and for the first month we were dating my mom tried and tried to ground me and get me to stop seeing him, but i fought it and fought it since consent is 17.. but she just kept saying i dont care, you're still in high school you dont need to be dating someone that old..blah blah. if you were out of high school it wouldnt be a big deal.. so after i made it clear that even if she forbid it now, as soon as i graduated we'd be together, she realized that she might as well let us date, so we all went to dinner. and talked and made a compromise, just that she has to know when we are together and when we are going to see each other...stupid stuff like that. but now, we're together and happy, and my moms not riding my ass anymore..so maybe you should talk to them and see if you could all go to dinner so they could meet him and realize hes not a bad guy..it worked for me. (:
good luck!