This is a guest blog submitted by CoconutPalapa.
I have never met, nor really know a whole lot about, my boyfriend's most current ex. But I am so jealous to the point that I hate her. He hasn't told me much about her, but apparently it was a bad relationship for him. What bothers me the most is that she still calls him. He doesn't keep her in his contacts (thank god) and sometimes he won't answer it if the number has a certain area code and he's suspicious. In fact, he doesn't have the patience to talk to her; she annoys him greatly. What I don't understand is that if he doesn't like her and, I'm assuming, they broke up on harsh terms, then why is she still calling him?
She's also 8-10 years his senior. Shouldn't she be the mature one and move on? With her persistence in calling and having conversations that he tries to avoid, it made me think that she might try to take it further. I often wonder if she misses him, if she wonders that she seriously messed up.
I hate to admit it, but I'm curious and a bit of a snoop, and I've found Christmas and birthday cards that he's kept from her for some reason. They all say "baby" and whatever other terms of endearment she liked to use, and it was all I could do to not rip them up and throw them away myself. She even sent him one to his place when we were going out. The last phone call that I know of was back in October and she called to tell him she was pregnant. Why? Why does her ex need to know that? It ruined my night, to say the least.
She hasn't called since, but he does get time to himself at home. I'm not as worried about him as I was when we first started dating. Now we're living like a married couple and very much in love, but I just want this ex leave us in peace. Am I right, wrong or just paranoid?
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Comments (152)
I would feel the same way. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is interested at all and that's not really the problem. He's your boyfriend and you feel a little defensive. I think that's normal.
I would feel the same way honestly. It really doesn't sound that he wants anything to do with her. Rather, he ignores her calls at all costs and is really annoyed when he does wind up talking to her. But I can understand why you're feeling defensive. He's your boyfriend and you don't want some twit who's no longer in the picture to come along and try to steal him from you. I think it's normal to feel this way.
The frustration is understandable. Why doesn't your bf try harder to ignore her?
Instead of being insanely jealous, tell him that it bothers you. Jealousy is an ugly thing, and it's really bad for any relationship. Just keep your cool and talk to him honestly about it.
Well, since the phone calls stopped in October and we're now half way through January, she may have gotten the point. It's been a few months.
As for the box with the items, I wouldn't too much about it. That is the past and we sometimes keep things to be reminded of it and nothing more. I would be a bit upset if my ex threw away the letter and stuffed animal I gave him. It'd be like everything that we went through meant nothing to him.
If she called to tell him she's pregnant...I'd be worried. There's a reason she wants him to know....either a) she wants him to be jealous or b) it's his. There'd be no other reason.
And him not keeping her in his contacts is probably because he figures you are hurt by her contacting him. If he never talked to her, there'd be no reason for her to keep trying. But something's going on...he doesn't want you to know about it.
And I know this because I AM that other woman...the child IS his, and even though I'm a contact NOW, I wasn't before because his girlfriend wanted it out of his phone.
Sorry, it's bad news. But I'd find a way to contact her and ask her questions. Either she's going to be like me and tell you what he wants you to know...or she's going to be like probably every other human being would be, and tell you the truth.
I'm sorry, I wish I could make you feel better, and I'm sure this only made you feel worse, but the things you're describing is exactly the things "my" guy does just to keep his other happy.
I really understand how you feel. My current boyfriend right now went out with this girl for a while, and they also ended on pretty bad terms. I guess their relationship had a lot of ups and downs and it was really frustrating for both of them so it kind of ended.
I guess for me, the fact that she was his first love, and the fact that she was also his most current ex and that they had a lot of mutual friends bothered me. the only difference is that she doesnt call him like whats happening with you. They don't really communicate anymore.. but everytime I see her, I get upset. There's nothing that my boyfriend can really do because hes really not doing ANYTHING wrong. They don't keep in touch or anything. However, I just cant help but feel uncomfortable when she hangs out with our mutual friends and stuff. I guess thats just natural considering we both went for the same guy.
I think for you, you should really talk toyour boyfriend. Maybe you have already, that's why he's ignoring her calls. However, maybe he should be more harsh and just say "I'm in a relationship right now and I'm really happy. I don't think that you should continue you call and disrupt anything." That should DEFINITELY clear things up if she has any misunderstandings.
I think you have every right to be frustrated... I would talk to your boyfriend first about everything and all your doubts and stuff, and see what he says before anything else....
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Just out of curiosity, does your guy still like you, or does he like her now and just feels the need to be with you out of obligation to his child?
Track her down, drive in a car with an astronaut diaper on (so you don't need to make any stops), then cut her up like the bitch she is. It always works!
i have a gun. you may borrow.
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Are you proud of the fact that you are the other woman?
You have nothing to be jealous of but just annoyed. I would be annoyed and frustrated too if my husband's ex would constantly call him or tell him that she's pregnant. Wtf?WHY would she do that? Beats me.
It seems like your ex isn't interested in her to pursue anything more with her. But he should also try a little harder to ignore her and reassure you that you have nothing to worry about.
Don't worry about the cards you found. But if it really bothers you, talk to him about it. See what's up and why he's still keeping them. My husband still keeps some of his pictures of his exs or girls he used to talk to. I don't mind at all because I like to see who he used to date and talked to. It's not like my husband look at them anymore. It's now under our tv set with dust. I don't know why he don't throw it away but maybe he just want it for memories to look at his old age. (HAHA)
You're not wrong. She needs to get her shit together and leave him alone. If it bothers you that much talk to him about it. If he loves you, and he's over her, he'll get rid of the letters.
I think that's a normal feeling. I would be pretty upset myself if I knew my guy's ex was doing all that. If she really is pregnant, then ok good for her. Go on with life and don't give it a second thought. It doesn't seem like your boyfriend does either. I don't know if you've done this, but talk to him and get his exact, honest perspective if things get worse. However, it looks like they might have finally died down if the last time he got a call was in October. I think you should be safe. =]
@SerenaDante@xanga - He's 22 and he can't make up his mind about who he wants to be with. He recently slept with another chick who is 6 years older than him, and is talking to HER roommate who is also 6 years older than him...and, while they have yet to sleep together, it's going to happen...soon. His girlfriend doesn't like me and when he told her I was pregnant the first words out of her mouth were asking him if it was his...which he denied, of course. As for his feelings for me, I know he considers me probably one of the best friends he has, as he tells me everything (even the painful details of things I DON'T wanna know about) and we USED to date...and he's told me once we're gonna be together as long as I want to be...
I just blame it on him being young and indecisive and still got his "playa" pants on (or off...haha.). I make it sound like I'm a lot older than him because I'm calling him young and stuff, I'm 23.
@LizzieLizzie05@xanga - I don't really care one way or the other. Usually.
Your not wrong for feeling that way, and
personally, Ive accidentally thrown away old love letters of my bf's
ex. I got rid of all of mine and its been 5 years, he doesnt miss them.
But it is kinda beculiar that she has been calling him, are you sure he
isnt just uncomfortable talking to her in front of you? Or maybe he has
been talking to her behind your back? Have you talked to him about this
and how uncomfortable it makes you?
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Lol, well I really hope he gets his act together soon for you and his child. 22 may still be young, but I think that it's old enough to be responsible for one's own actions... Stop me if I'm being offensive or prying too deeply, but I do have another question, out of curiosity again... Does he provide like any child support? (Or pregnancy support, I guess I don't actually know if you've had the baby yet or not >.<)
@SerenaDante@xanga - Baby's due in 5 weeks. So far he's bought the crib...but has yet to put it up. Dr says I can go any day now and I have nowhere to put her when she's born...makes me sad. He says if I need help, he'll help me...but I don't know how well THAT'S gonna play...
@josiebunny@xanga - Yeah, I agreed. I have been in those awkward and bad situations that even though the guy, an ex now, did not seemed to be interested (at the time) with this one girl that seemed to like him, it was quite difficult to be around even when he was just communicated to her over the phone. I thought of not wanting her number or existence around the guy. I tend to absorb feelings from people sometimes; and it was really hurtful for me...I can understand if my guy wants me not wanting to have my exes' number on my phone...this is one of the reasons why I don't like to communicate with my exes.
No babies for me haha, silly. >.<
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Well... have you told him that you do need help? Like for example, asking him specifically to put up the crib... and maybe more generally to dump his girls and come back to you? I realize you're probably trying to make the situation comfortable for him so that when he comes to you again, it'll be because he wants to and stuff and you guys can live as a happy family... But like... you WILL kinda need help, especially at the beginning, right? I can kinda guess that he might be the type of person to make somewhat empty promises, but I still think you should take some advantage of the fact that he's actually offered his help lol.
@SerenaDante@xanga - Yeah, he was supposed to come over yesterday to put up the crib, but didn't (we had a lot of icky snow) and then he said today (but I worked till 7 and wouldn't get home till at least 8 and I gotta sleep for work tomorrow). But today he asked me about tomorrow (I work till 7 again)...and I told him the reason why I was freaking out yesterday was because I KNEW yesterday was the only time we had cuz my next day off he's back at work again...ugh. You're totally right, he says things that he means at the time, but when it comes time to do them, he flakes.
@SerenaDante@xanga - I don't see why it's necessary to tell the guy to dump the girls unless she really has strong feelings for the guy and vice versa. If the guy is really serious about a girl, then he wouldn't be around trying to get to know other people. If the guy doesn't have a good amount of feelings for the girl, then he would go behind her back and messing around anyway. And so, the girl can express her feelings to the guy, but just let him do what he wants; that way you can avoid the guy cheating on you. Best trick in the book hehehe.
@PoetMcChick@xanga - Yikes... Maybe forget the asking him to come be with you, cause he sounds like he'd just be an extra child for you to take care of... I really, really hope everything works out for you though.
@wave_of_frequency@xanga - What the heck are you talking about? The only time I said anything about dumping the girls was to the above person I also replied to, and has to do with her own personal story, and almost nothing to do with the post. If you're trying to make a generalization... you're replying to the wrong person lol.
you're right.
she needs to exit stage left, asap.
I hate bitches near my man. lucky for me, he doesn't have any ex girlfriends, but I'd hate them all the more.
tell her to FUCK OFF.
Tell your boyfriend up front that it bothers you...tell him exactly what you think. If he's man enough, he'll do something about it. I hope he does!!
When I was going out with my ex, his ex-gf stalked him and me but he didn't do anything about it so it persisted to the point where we got into a lot of arguments. It was really ugly. Avoid that shit!
@abcxunt@xanga - LOL where were you when I was in that relationship?