Tuesday, 13 January 2009
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Am I Too Picky of a Dater?
This is a guest blog submitted by colorsoflife.I am almost 20 years old. I have never had a boyfriend and have only gone on two dates in my life. The first guy I felt sorry for, and some friends pressured me into going out with him. I was friends with the other one for about a month before he asked me out, and we had a lot in common, Essentially, though, I was a rebound and the actual date turned out to be a little awkward, probably because of my inexperience. I've never even been kissed because I'm waiting until I find someone special...
I am too picky to go out with most of the guys I meet; honestly, the second guy I went out with didn't fit into a lot of my ideals, but I really liked him. Even though it didn't work out, we both liked each other for quite a while after the date and I only recently got over him.
I don't want a perfect guy; I just want to find someone that will love me despite my quirks...who inspires me and encourages me to follow my creative side, and who can discuss serious things with me, and come up with a decent argument for a point. Someone who has thought through what he believes, and knows why he believes it. Even if it's not the same as what I do, I want him to be interested in music, too. He doesn't have to be rich or have a great car or a perfect past. But more superficially, his style in clothing is pretty important too... I'm looking into fashion design, so that's kind of important to me.
The second guy I dated was these things...unfortunately, he was somewhat lazy and had a reputation for being a pothead. And he though he said he liked me, he never tried very hard.
I know I'm still young, but I'm not exactly getting younger. I would like to find my special someone...but so far no luck. And I'm not interested in dating sites 'cause meeting someone face to face is so important to me. Any suggestions?
(maybe on how to get date #2's attention again?)
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About the Author
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- From: colorsoflife
- Name: colorsoflife
- About Me: romantically challenged, uncoordinated, interested in fantasy, occasionally lonely, reasonably outgoing,
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 2 Views: 0 8672 Comments: 0 162 View all posts by colorsoflife
Comments (71)
hey, i think its awesome being picky.
just one tip..
DON"T EVER SETTLE FOR ANYTHING BELOW YOUR EXPECTATIONS..
just be patient, build yourself up, and take care of yourself, eventually someone will come along thats worth your lifetime. (thats what I tell myself all the time)
it's okay to be picky, it just means you know what you want. why should you have to settle when you shouldn't have too? don't dwell on it too much because love and the boyfriend will find you when you least expect it too. so, relax and enjoy yourself for now.
What you're looking for a guy doesn't sound too picky, but perhaps you secretly are. Just open your doors more. Even if he doesn't share all the same interest, you can teach him about yours and he may pay pick them up as well.
As for the #2 guy, well, I'm not too sure about that. You can try talking to him about it. Let him know that you're still interested.
Forget about getting date number two's attention again. Looks likes he wasn't very interested in you by using you as a rebound or telling you that he liked you but never really tried. And rumored as a pothead? There maybe some truth in it also.
Start out fresh.
Of course everyone is picky when it comes to certain things especially being in a relationship with someone. But also, don't be so picky that you would overlook someone too.
Um. A pothead? Maybe that's why he's not trying hard enough.
But I'm like you. I'm really picky when it comes to men. I like it that way because I know what I want and reject the other guys that don't have those qualities. Though, some people would tell you to NOT be so picky because that will mean you could be missing out on somebody good. I don't know about that...I mean, all of the guys I've dated and don't like aren't exactly great and there weren't sparks to begin with. It might grow though, we're all friends
Maybe you're just ugly.
ok the comment about how you might just be ugly is just rude.
@coolmonkey@xanga - That's so uncool.
@coolmonkey@xanga - That's one of the rudest comments I've ever seen. If you were going for humor, you failed.
As for how to get #2's attention again, I think getting your life, your self and your priorities together is your best bet. You're interested in fashion? Go for it! There's nothing more attractive than a girl who knows what she wants out of life and goes after it.
(I wouldn't be too picky for fashion-conscious guys though. A lot of us have never learned how to be fashionable, we develop our own style, so that may be something you'll be able to teach us!)
Trolls will be trolls. Anyway, here's my advice: go out. You need experience. Let's say you run into 'the one' tomorrow. Will you be ready? I'm not saying you should bottom out your standards and start sleeping around. I'm saying you should be comfortable enough with yourself and others that you will be confident on that important date. Find someone with whom you'd enjoy a date with. Something light and fun. Doesn't have to be super romantic. Doesn't have to be hot and heavy. Just get out there. And you know what? You never know when you might just stumble onto someone who matches you just right, even if it's not what you expect. Good luck!
Why would you want the last guy back? Like you said, he didnt try!
Xo
Try asking out someone you didn't think of. Just one date. If they deserve another, give them one, it's your decision. For all you know, guys, like me, are reading this going "That's me!". Try looking in unsual places. And remember, on average, one should date 12 people before deciding on "the one".
Sometimes standards lead you astray...my last boyfriend was my first serious relationship (it lasted a little over a year) and he actually had to talk me into going out with him. He turned out to be a fantastic boyfriend, and completely surpassed all of my expectations about him. We just broke up a couple days ago so I still kinda love him, but even the breakup was pretty easy.
Anyways, what you should get from this is that sometimes guys don't need to meet all your expectations in order for you to have a great experience.
Well no one really dates anymore so that makes it hard for any girl whos not going to just hook up and see if something developes and I think that it sucks but its life I'm in the same boat as you I dont want to just settle for someone I know isnt who I want and I dont think you should either
You know what you want and there is nothing wrong with that. I knew what I wanted and got exactly that. I am not happily married instead of miserable because I settled for someone. Stick to your guns and find someone who meets your expectations. From what you described it is not to out of line and I am sure that person must exist out there. Keep at it and you will find someone who makes you happy.
I'm only 18 so my advice might not be wanted lol but in general being picky is just fine so long as you are not searching constantly for a boy. the difference between all of my friends and me is that they are constantly searching and never finding, and I don't search and great things fall into my lap. The truth for me was that the more relaxed and non-chalant I seem, the more guys were drawn to my chill personality. Not looking gave me some wonderful high school relationships and I plan on using the same "chill" tactic in my future.
@chilled_roses8523@xanga - YOU SAID IT with the "don't settle" comment!Â
You are 20 years old. Congratulations! You have managed to successfully avoid not-worth-it relationships for 20 whole years! You should be proud of yourself. You know what you want, and you are not interested in settling for anything less. Waiting for your first kiss until you meet someone that's worth sharing it with? Awesome. I commend you. Keep being yourself, and the right guy will come.
I'm 23 and just started my first relationship a month after my birthday. I'm so happy I waited and avoided the whole dating scene. Seriously, don't lower your standards. Yes, it sucks waiting. It seems like everyone else has someone and you're the only one lonely...but you're not. So just be patient and you'll eventually find the guy that you really like and that really likes you. Honestly, depending on his personality you may have to make the first move. Which, since you have no dating background can be pretty dang scary (trust me, this happened to me). He just wasn't sure I liked him so he was afraid to do anything to ruin our friendship. I'm a big believer in becoming friends first and then moving the friendship to something more serious.
Good luck and don't stress too much. Life will get better!!
Don't recycle men . . . it makes for a bad cycle that you just end up getting stuck in. It didn't really sound like you were that into #2 anyway, so I say just try to move on and start fresh!
One day a real PUA may come along and sweep you off your feet. Don't waste time on supplicating AFC's.
I don't think you're being too picky. But not everyone is what they seem at first. You might meet someone great, but not feel attracted to him right away. Just get to know lots of different guys.
Also, I know this sounds cynical, but first kisses really aren't everything they're cracked up to be. They're usually wet and slimey and not all that exciting. Don't worry about it being with someone special, or you'll put too many expectations on the whole thing. You'll probably kiss a lot of different guys before you eventually settle down. It should probably be with someone you at least sort of like, but don't expect fireworks. It will probably be awkward, funny, or whatever. But at least you'll get it out of the way.
I don't believe in settling when it comes to relationships, but it does not hurt to go out on a date with a guy even if he isn't quite up to your expectations. Dates never hurt anyone, and if after the first date there is no chemistry on your part, you just say you're sorry but there isn't going to be a second date.
My grandmother has always joked that sometimes to find prince charming you have to kiss a lot of toads.
~Big Sis~
don't settle below your expectations.