This is a guest blog submitted by cx3yu. 
[disclaimer: yes, I understand that what I want in a man is unrealistic, but a girl can dream, can't she? I blame Disney princess movies and romantic novels/movies like The Notebook, Pride and Prejudice, Twilight, etc. Oh, and I say these things in my perspective, so I guess not all girls want this.]
Is it realistic of me to want a man who will tell me I'm a bird? Probably not. While watching movies like Pride and Prejudice and The Notebook, girls fall head over heels for Mr. Darcy and Noah, respectively. Is it because they cater to the women? They pursue them? Because he'll tell her that if she's a bird that he's one too?
I know that these movies put pressure on men to become our Prince Charming, our Noah, our Mr. Darcy, or even our Edward Cullen (if you're into vampires and all that garbage). Even Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty show us that we need that Prince Charming, but in reality, that's unrealistic and even illogical.
One of my besties and I were watching Pride and Prejudice lusting after Mr. Darcy, when I asked, "Is it fair that we have such high standards for guys?"
She answered with a shrug. "Probably not, but it helps us not to settle."
I guess she's right in some way.
We don't want to settle for just anyone. We should be treated like the princesses we are...shouldn't we? I guess it's ridiculous for me to want someone to row me in a lake toward swans gathering all around and tell me that he loves me, but that's really what I want.
But because those things are just too high maintenance, what about the little things?
Can I expect that a guy would use his manners? For him to open doors for me, or at least wait for me to go through the door first. Or how about opening car doors? (I know, I know, a little traditional, but it makes my heart melt every time a guy does it.)
Maybe even just lacing his fingers with mine. Kissing my hand while we're still holding ours together. Or kissing my forehead...whispering how much he cares about me. Hugging me every chance he gets. Even just looking at me while we're talking.
I also want a guy who's able to share his past as well as his future with me, who will willingly share his emotions, his fears, his dreams, his ambitions, etc.
I want the guy to make the first move. Too many times I have to muster up the courage to kiss him first.
Maybe I'm demanding, but I've settled for a lot of guys and they've turned out to be douchebags. So maybe demanding a little more I'll get a decent guy? Haha, we'll see about that one...
And this being said, I believe a lot of guys could learn how to treat women by reading some of these books or even watching these movies. You don't need to contentedly sigh at the end of the movie or anything, but just keep ideas in the back of your mind . . .
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Comments (55)
i fell asleep through both movies, so i have no say.
as long as my man treats me with respect and can still give my butterflies butterflies after a few years, i'm content.
"Now I'm holding umbrellas, and openin' up doors, taking out the trash and sweeping my floor, crossin' my fingers, countin' ever kiss, prayin' that it keeps goin' on like this ..."
It's unrealistic to expect that from EVERY guy today because, in my opinion, feminism has killed a little piece of nearly every man in society today.
We see that women (at least the vocal ones) want to be independent, we see that they (again, the feminazis) are insulted when people think they're incapable of opening their own door ... it goes on and on.
Anyway, I don't think you should settle for anything less than gentlemanly behavior (at the least - if he buys you a crown, what are you waiting for?).
I consider myself a gentleman despite the negative connotation of "chivalry." I just hope someday to meat a woman who genuinely wants those qualities over stunning good looks, monstrous muscles and the like ... *sigh*
Except women don't really go for men who treat them like that. I'd know =P
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - That type of behavior gets you dumped in a heartbeat unfortunately.
@EarthsAzureLight@xanga - @icicle84@xanga - I have to agree, women now are a lot more independent and a guy like that is not really searched for too much. But on the other hand, every girl wouldn't mind it once in a while.
That's basically what I look for, too. You're not alone.
can i point out that during the 1st half of P&P darcy insulted lizzy many times?
I found mine . . . and I have to admit, it's great! Guys, don't give up, some of us aren't too independent to appreciate the small things, like opening doors for us and whatnot. There's still hope! I promise! As for the women, we are only treated the way we allow others to treat us. If you want the best, demand the best, and you'll get it. There are great guys out there! Expecting exact replicas of the men we see in the movies and books is taking it a bit far, and if expectations are that high we will never be pleased or happy. Expecting respect, well, that's a different thing completely, that is something we should demand as well as give.
Chick flicks? *snore*
Most men that are like that are just walked on. They are few and far between. I think to base what you want out of a relationship off a sappy movie is ridiculous to begin with... even if you meet the"one" great guy it will not always be as it is in the movies. My fiance is wonderful, but he is no character off of a sappy movie that is for sure.
@icicle84@xanga - Keep being a gentleman. There are still plenty of woman out there who appreciate it. I get angry at woman who get pissed at guys who open their door. Doesn't make them any less of a woman. I think this generation of men is being ruined by their constant complaining.
My boyfriend is actually quite similar to the ones I see in movies. He always wants to do anything to make me happy. He is very romantic, does the little things. Made me once a treasure hunt and found notes all over the place saying how much he loves me and at the end was a little gift for me. He remembers all our special dates. Doesn't mind driving 3 hours to pick me up from an airport and then back. So I know I found my prince charming .Of course it goes both ways, guys want attention as much as we do. We can't expect to get the whole package and not invest as well. You get treated the same way you treat the person.
If I had any say in it, my husband is far off from the prince charming character in the snappy movies.
He's lazy. He acts like a baby most of the time. He speak his mind. When he's mad, he'll storm off or throw a tantrum. He's always wanting to buy new toys for him but gets tired from it after a while. He likes to go out and do what boys do best - hang out with their buddies, talk about nothing, and have a few beers. And there's more.
But he has his "sweet" and "loving" moments too. Like cooking dinner for me on a special occasion, going out on his way to buy something that I'm craving for, or remembering what I had wanted the day before and bringing it home for me later on that day.
I don't expect a lot from him. He's a man after all.
All the door opening, holding the door, waiting until I go first... those are mostly common courtesy stuff.
I'm a self proclaimed hopeless romantic and admittingly I have a soft spot for rom-coms. I know that most of the stuff that happen in them are terribly unrealistic, but that still doesn't make me any less of a romantic. Like some of the things you said, I find that sometimes it's just the little romantic gestures that makes the biggest difference. i.e. opening car doors for girls.
I don't feel too much pressure to be the perfect man or w/e based on romance movies, but they do make me feel alright acting a fool sometimes
. Doesn't hurt to be a little silly once in a while right? Life can be more fun and interesting that way.
I would love to have a chivalrous guy. On a normal day to day basis, he doesn't have to open the car doors or tour around in a city in a horse drawn carriage, but hey, occasionally it'd be nice!
I'll be smitten to know that my guy would have that in him once in awhile. Standards should be in between that of the guys in the movies and douchebags, well leaning toward chivalrous men of course!
@icicle84@xanga - i see no negative connotation to chivalry... and those that do are women who are better off on their own or with other women. :x
@xwolfae@xanga - well, thanks for the encouragement! :)
I don't see what's wrong with chivalry, but sadly the more vocal people (in the media and such) are the ones who do.
My boyfriend tells me I'm a bird. Chirp!
@GodZchiK@xanga - thanks! That's good to know. I may re-post my feminism rant a bit later ... hmm
God. I'm more for the Officer and a Gentleman type. Kind of a selfish dick, but you hope deep down inside, he's different; he could realize his deep rooted problems and change for the better. Then realize he loves you and come to your shitty job and rescue you. And let you wear his sailor hat.
I guess I probably hope for this kind of 'prince charming' because every guy I've ever dated was like that....except for the changing and loving me and rescuing me and realizing what he's got part. They are just selfish dicks and then we break up and they continue to be selfish dicks. But that's really all I know. I wouldn't have any idea what to do with a nice guy. I think it would honestly freak me out.
I've kind of given up.
I'm still a hopeless romantic. Or I'm just hopeless, hmmm
oh you all say you want the gentleman type guy, but when you get him the novelity wears off. i open doors, i try to make her feel like a princess, i respect her wishes. and yes i am that hopeful romantic but that gets me in the door and after that, i get pushed out. ya say one thing but you really want the other. if we make the first move..then we moved to quickly. if we wait...too slowly. i was taught by two great women how to treat women...too bad none want to be treated that way in real life. go figure.
We'll be a Noah if you be a Rachel McAdams. You can't take without giving. Girls just want it all with no strings attached.
And the more demands you seek, the more disappointment you find. And I've figured out that if you do the exact opposite of what women say they want, you get better results.
i love gentlemen. chivalry ISN'T dead. i've seen it around [:
oh, yeah. door-opening may be a small thing. girls may not always show it, but we LOVE it when guys do :]
Im sure you will find the right guy who will want to do those things for you, because he wants too. Not because you are making him.
You arent demending, dont settle.
Xo