Tuesday, 13 January 2009
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Why Do People Cheat?
This is a guest blog submitted by Lena.It's been on my mind for a while after my ex's constant calling and texts telling me to pick up. Why do people cheat, then come back with their tail in between their legs? When I finally picked up the phone call from him, he began frantically talking about how sorry he was and that he wanted to get back with me again.
The first thing that came into my mind: "Am I a fool? No way!" I'm passive-aggressive, so I responded by acting aloof, laughing and telling him that it'd never work out.
As I lay in bed that night, I was thinking to myself, "why would he cheat?" And I came up with a few reasons:
- I wasn't good enough for him? Or I wasn't providing enough for him. Whatever it was.
- The adrenaline/ecstasy rush? Maybe he thought that he could get away with cheating...What are other reasons why people would cheat? If you've ever cheated, judgment withheld, but what was your reasoning for doing it?
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Comments (97)
I did because I was in a long distance relationship... depressed / angry / stressed, and needed someone to make me feel alive (in person) in ways that my current SO was unable to because of distance. Doesn't justify it - but those were some of my reasons.
Oh god, don't go down the path of self-blame. HE'S the cheater, don't go blaming this on yourself, first of all.
Second of all, people cheat because they don't have the balls to address issues they have in their relationship, in my opinion. He probably felt a little off somewhere, but didn't want to talk about it, and instead, looked elsewhere.
Or really, if he's the smegma of humanity I suspect he might be... he probably cheated just because he's an ass who can't keep it in his pants, who considers the thrill of the chase to be more important than what he already had. I wouldn't consider getting back with him, if I were you, even though the temptation is strong I'm sure.
He's going to have to learn that he can't have it both ways. He needs to learn a lesson, and I pray you're the one to teach it to him. It's not so much about revenge or being spiteful in this case... it's about standing up for yourself and letting him know that this is unacceptable.
Don't give in, and good luck.
For some people it's the idea of having a secret the other person doesn't know. A sense of power, if you will.
i cheated because i couldn't get out of the relationship. sounds really weak, i know. we were together for almost 2 years and i knew for the longest time that it wasn't going to work out. we had really good days and i was sooo happy with him. he's still one of my more favorite of people, but we would continuously fight and he had some way of controlling me. i would accommodate to his every will. there is really no excuse to cheat on someone you love. that was just an explanation of why i did it.
I never cheated on my husband,I did however let a boy cheat off of my tests in school because I did not want him to be mad at me,I couldn't say no. I think that some people probably end up cheating on their mate for the same reason.
cuz some of them think the grass is greener...
others are just deadbeats. i had a deadbeat. that wasn't fun. and even though he was cheating like mad all over the place, that was actually the least of my problems. he was a *serious* deadbeat.
there's no forgiveness in my book.
I never did it and I'm with you on this post, why do it? Isn't it
better to come clean and breakup if the relationship is over? If you
are happy in the relationship, that baffles me even more.
But that's just me though, I like closure on most things before moving on.
Some do it with their previous SO for the strings that was never cut.
I never did. But I must say, that the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," not true. I know people who have cheated and would never dream of doing that again.
As someone who helped someone cheat (multiple times), I did it because I was still very in love with the guy. I'm still not sure to this day why he did it since if he loved me as much as I loved him, he would have just gotten back into a relationship with me as opposed to cheating on multiple girls with me.
/shrug. Not so much an issue anymore since I don't have any feelings for him any longer (while he allegedly does) and refuse to "repay the favor" and cheat with him.
@seedsower@xanga - LOL
but... idk - i would not cheat.
i thought that since i had loved the other guy for a very very long time also that i wasn't being a bad person, but that my feelings just couldn't be changed. i had been with my boyfriend for four years, the magic had seemed to have left the relationship, and this other boy came along to sweep me off my feet. luckily allwe did was kiss, it never went further than that... but i am still dealing with the repercussions today... its been about three months since i admitted to the cheating, thank God my boyfriend didn't leave me... right now things are back to normal, and actually even better than it was before. of course i regret it, but i think i had to get it out of my system, i had to see what i could have and see that ultimately its not worth it. i am with the man of my dreams already.
in my own opion ppl cheat 'cause there useually gettien revenge on the one their with or there board with the one person ther with . its obvious sometimes when you watch Jerry springer or maury but at the same time its like those ppl are like look at my love look what hes/shes doing to me. but they prob just want to find an easier way to get out of a relation ship thats my own opion
A one time moment of weakness.
However if you are asking why people start repeatedly cheating it's usually:
Too afraid to break it off
Bored, and want excitement
Horny fucker
there is no excuse for cheating!!
unfortunately, I've cheated once in my life and I'll admit, I feel horrible and disgusted by it. I was once in that mentality as many of you shared above. I didn't believe in cheating nor understand why anyone would do it. It seems simple - break up and get with the new guy? But unfortunately, reality isn't as simplistic as ideals. I was miserable in my current relationship; however, couldn't find the balls to break up. Moreover, I was uncertain, unsure if I loved my bf or my ex more. And so, I cheated on my bf with my ex. There isn't any excuse for cheating, but I can see why it happens.
I've cheated once before... and the only reason I did it was because I knew I wasn't truly in love with my boyfriend....
If you are absolutely happy with somebody there would be no reason to take a chance of throwing that away.
maybe you didn't put out enough.
Not knowing where the relationship is going and confused or stressed out that it's too serious too soon so they try to sabotage it. Those are the two most common reasons that I see for why people cheat.
People cheat beacuse they think the grass is greener... point blank period...
It never is!!!
@myonlysunshinee@xanga - "If you are absolutely happy with somebody there would be no reason to take a chance of throwing that away." = BRILLIANT!
Apparently, he couldn't keep his hands out the cookie jar.
P.S. I've never cheated. If I'm gonna be in a relationship with someone, I'm with them and only them. A relationship is like a promise, and I personally don't find it so easy to break my promises.
@nimbusthedragon@xanga - i definetly agree here.
I don't know, there are many excuses for why people cheat. Either way, it is simply that: an excuse. I would never cheat and if I were ever cheated on, no excuse they could come up with would be excusable. There is simply no acceptable reason for hurting the person you love. Or claim to anyway...
I think the reason people cheat is because they're not getting what they want.
& they think that by being with someone else, who provides them with what they want, that it'll be ok.
Even Though It's Not.
I think cheating is a disgusting thing to do. Especially to someone you claim you "love".
If it was because of not satisfying, then tell the person.
If it was because feelings have changed, then tell the person.
Cheating is disgusting.
& even though there are lots of excuses for it, it's still not worth doing it and hurting the other person.
I've never cheated. I can honestly say that i never have. Wow, never thought about that. BUT I have been cheated on, and as soon as i found out, I ended the relationship right then and there. 7 years, down the drain, because he chose to screw some blonde...
I think people cheat out of boredom, because they get tired of the same routine. You have to have spice in your life, stay active. Although i was fine with our relationship, I believe he was still trying to capture his youth, but i also think he just had a knack for young women :)
Yes, I cheated on someone before. I was 14.
We both were in a long distant relationship. We barely saw one another or could tell when we'll see one another again. We both had no job, no car, no nothing. All we really could do was talk on the phone every night.
This new guy moved into town. He was hot. I was interested. And soon found out, he was also interested. I knew it was wrong but I did it, anyways.
Why?
Just for the fun of it. The temptations. Knowing that you won't get caught. The no-strings-attach idea. It was an.. in the moment thing.
Absolutely no excuse but refer to my paragraph above.