This is a guest blog submitted by KasumiCelesta.
Some of you who have read my comments on various blogs might know that I'm currently living in Japan as an exchange student. For one of my classes, each student had to choose an aspect of Japanese society on which to do fieldwork and research. I chose to research host clubs.
A lot of you are probably wondering what a host club is. Basically, it is a place where women can pay for a male company. These Japanese hosts are often good-looking and dressed up in expensive-looking suits. Some of them have hairstyles similar to that of a rock star or a celebrity. In a host club, women buy (very expensive) drinks and are accompanied by these handsome men who cater to their needs and desires, listen to their conversations and even flirt with them. To an extreme, it can reach the point where a host ends up having sex with one of his customers, usually if she is a regular or high-paying customer; these cases aren't too common, but they do happen. (Sex is not an official part of the host's job, and it is his decision whether to do so if he feels it is necessary to keep his customers.) Hosts also have more than one customer, so it's not like a woman will get all of his attention 100% of the time, but when they are together, she is always the focus. For the guys, there are also hostess clubs in Japan. They basically function the same way, but with female hosts catering to male customers.
I know most of you are thinking, "that's horrible," or, "why would anyone pay all that money for champagne and fake love?" There's a lot to host clubs and the women that go to host clubs, which would take a long time to explain. It also has a lot to do with Japanese society and the issues with gender roles and relationships (especially marriages). You can read about some of it on the
Wiki page or message me if you have any other questions, I'd be happy to answer them.
Anyway, as part of my fieldwork I went to a host club in Kabukicho with a female friend who already had prior experience in this area. I walked in, fully aware of how the game works. I always felt confused by girls who would become addicted to host clubs, knowing that they would never or could never date a host, or even know if what he's saying is the truth (it's not always full of blatant lies, believe it or not). A first-time visitor will meet a number of hosts during a one- or two-hour session, and at the end she will choose one of them to be "her" host. The chosen host gets 50% of all sales when that customer returns to the club.
After a two hour night of talking to several hosts, I felt like I couldn't wait to leave.
I'm not exactly fluent when it comes to speaking Japanese and I was really nervous...until I met my final host for the night. He was the only host that I felt fully comfortable with. He was very outgoing and friendly (as hosts should be - looks aren't everything) but what made me choose him was when we found out that we shared a common favorite video game (yeah I'm a dork :P) and how interested he was when I told him that I played bass guitar (he said he wanted me to teach him one day, which is unlikely, but oh well). At the end of the night, he became my designated host. From there, we have been e-mailing each other by cell phone, just making friendly conversation. Of course this "mail business" is how he keeps contact with any of his customers, so it's nothing really special. I found out that he had only been working as a host for ten days and that I was his first designated customer, which made me feel a bit happy (okay, I was squealing in joy for "popping his hosting cherry," as one of my friends put it). But I'm cheering him on to get more customers...because he's not going to get much from me, heh.
I don't intend on going to see him that often at all, because it's very expensive and I don't want to get too personally involved with something that is supposed to be research. But, despite knowing how this game works, I still feel a special bond with my host. I look forward to his e-mails all the time, and it doesn't hurt that he's very good-looking
In the end, it's purely a host-customer relationship. Nothing will come out of it (unless he genuinely likes me or I pay a lot of money, neither of which is likely) and I'm okay with that. Just being able to talk to someone, even if it's in Japanese and by e-mail, makes me feel somewhat comforted. I'm making sure that I go to see him just once more before I return to the United States - not for my own pleasure, but because I honestly think he's a nice person.
So, how do you feel about host clubs based on what I've told you? Would you ever go to a host/hostess club? Do you think that all host-customer relationships - whether they are romantic or just friendly - are "fake"?
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Comments (85)
@FireYourBoss@xanga - hell yes, i can.
it's called sarcasm, smarty pants ;)
i'm sure people fall in love at strip clubs all the time...
providing you with a service, they wanna make sure you get your moneys' worth...so you'll return.
if it's even possible, maybe meet outside of the establishment and see what happens?
good luck with that.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - okay, I understand. you're an air head. lol Funny thing is, this happens in america all the time. we here, call it 'Dating'. You really think that ther person interested in you, doesn't see your immediate qualities, translate them into in-depth qualities, and chose to act on their findings? Not a person on this planet is untouchable miss. you're pretty much betting on someone's personal conscience, to not find you and take advantage of you, IF you can even offer anything in return to even be seen as a prospect. :) if a guy buys you dinner, he paid for your food and conversation. if he picked you up, he paid for gas, invested in time and travel.. and if you don't comply, it was all a waste, even if you liked him. Men and women alike, spend money for the comfort of the opposite sex all the time. if I were you, i'd rethink the whole 'relationship fate' concept altogether.
@Shannannagin@xanga - okay here's the thing; there are some ppl that have to acquire the ability and actually LEARN how to converse efficiently with the opposite sex. esp, when you add all the different types of personalities within ppl as a whole. Picture some small group of ppl that seem to know how to effectively communicate with ANYONE at will. Whether it be acquired or natural, it's still very much fascinating. I feel bad for either side of this game though; to those that are hosting, love may end up becoming non-existent after a short time. picture knowing what to say, when to say it, how to say it, and having perfect timing when saying it.. among other things. even if it's natural, exploiting it in this fashion will kill any authentic prospects if that persons past is exposed, simply for the sake of questioning authenticity. those paying for the hosts, may find themselves in a relationship wondering if it's real, or if this person is indeed another 'host' themselves.. trying to find ways to find the truth, yet never accepting the answers they receive. this IS a very, VERY delicate tightrope these ppl are walking on.
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - No..Trippen ~ There's already an explanation about why my username is as it is..
If I am such an airhead..I'd doubt I'd have hundreds of subscribers..Ya digg.
I find dating more different than this "host service" buLLshit. I don't care if it's their "culture.." maybe that's why it's - as someone has stated - the modern day Geisha while as, the olden days Geisha retired..I wonder why??
CUHS IT'S STUPID.
@immaairheadxl@xanga - could also be, that b/c you're quite attractive. hundreds of men and women could be getting off to printed pictures of your face, while they read your thoughts and say, "wow, she's somewhat smart too!" The point is, no assumptions. :)
Fake or not, I think if the women need appreciation and have money to pay for it with, more power to them. I'm no expert, but from what I've heard, the culture there is nothing like American culture, where, when you have a relationship with someone, you get plenty of attention and affection from that person. I think marriages there are much more like business than romance.
@newspaper_clipping@xanga - @smyl4me56@xanga - That happens with any culture, they steal things from each other. And the pop culture is in it's own plane. They don't want Americans views and don't want to become even more Westernized. It's like I said, why do you think to gain residency in Japan is difficult? The only way is to marry a Japanese, because they don't want any more influences. Americans and other foreigners have been banned from certain places in Japan, and not because of security issues. They have been banned even from fish markets. Because the foreigners couldn't respect their culture and their rules. Also, they have used a lot of foreign words that the Japanese government has been sitting down to make up Japanese words for because their fear of loosing their culture. I've been studying Japan for 1 & 1/2 years, all I've learned is from native Japanese.
newspaper_clipping you're right. But the author herself said it was their culture. People should respect it. I hope you learned something now. =]
It's fake. Fake relationships are easier to keep than real ones. There's less drama and it's easier to make the client happier that way. If it were real then someone would get attached. In a workplace like that it'd be dangerous to get involved with a client.
If he keeps sending you emails back w/o your patronage, then yeah he's interested in keeping in touch as friends. But don't be surprised if he stops emailing you when he figures out he's lost a customer. If he's all about the money then he'll just spend his time emailing another customer.
there's a japanese drama called "jo tei" (empress) about host clubs. seems like the men who go there are all old lonely business men. and not to mention perverted too -_-''''
good post btw :D
@Simply_Cynical@xanga - hahaha..whatever it is - this username just means i'm down for having fun and sometimes is silly ;) but whatever it is, i'm most definitely not uneducated..haha.. thanks.
@hexogen@xanga - Then why do it? More power to them because they need money to buy their way for men to show appreciation?!?!
Oh no......... Females like that need a little something that defines "CONFIDENCE, GROWN, AND INDEPENDENT"
I don't admire this program/system of ..so-called love..
Wow.. so interesting! I'm glad you chose this topic and shared! :)
@immaairheadxl@xanga - I don't admire it either. I feel very privileged, after reading that.
Women like that are trapped in a culture where the men with whom they have relationships/marry are not expected to pay attention to them. It's a culture that centers around males. Women are more of an afterthought.
So, since everyone deserves and needs attention - humans are very social creatures - if those women have to pay for it, and they're willing to, then so be it. They're certainly not getting it anywhere else, and they know what sort of a game it is. Probably very few of them actually believe they have relationships with their hosts.
Pardon if that was confusing, I'm a sociology major, I get really interested in stuff like this. You should read the wiki - the poster provided the link and it's very informative.
@hexogen@xanga - Oh no. That was not confusing :) It makes perfect sense...
I just feel Sorry for that..with a capital S. =\ Because I'm sure, every women/girl does need Actual love..
Thanks for all the comments, everyone ^_^ It was really nice to hear your thoughts!
As I said before, there is a lot more to host clubs than what I've mentioned in my blog post. For the most part, anyone who is looking for a mere friendship and nothing more won't be really disappointed compared to someone who has fallen in love with their host. I'm not surprised that some of you find it outrageous, as it is a very different culture, and Japanese society does not work exactly the same way as that of other countries.
I, for one, tend to be somewhat optimistic at times and try to just relax when I exchange messages with my host. He's a year younger than me and also somewhat new to hosting, so I trust him more than I trust the older, more experienced hosts. Nonetheless, a really deep part of me keeps from trusting him completely. But I do that with all guys, hosts or not.
@hexogen@xanga - Thank you for that explanation :) I tell some of my friends about this topic and it's as if they refuse to understand.
@irene408@xanga - You say "she"...as in she worked at a hostess club? While hostess clubs are pretty much the same as host clubs (with genders switched of course), the age range of customers as well as their goals are different. I can say that hostess clubs can more easily be identified as fake. Even though the same thing can be said about host clubs, it's harder for a lot of women (emotionally, not logically) to lump any host-customer relationship into that "fake" category because there are more emotions involved.
@tvPUFF@xanga - I'm not too fond of the picture used in the post either, lol. My host is actually MUCH more attractive! Escort services are a good comparison, though from what I know about them, they're a bit different, mainly in terms of how they operate. I replied to another person about this comparison on my blog, so feel free to read it if you like :)
@KNEESOXROCK@xanga - Exactly what I was thinking.... modern geisha!
It's interesting I wana go :)
LOL how old do you have to be ? just kidding
So this is different from male strip club right ?
@mywordsx@xanga - i used to wtch that too lolz :)
@immaairheadxl@xanga - Despite the fact that everyone deserves Actual Love, not everyone WANTS love. Aside from people who are unattractive, poor conversationalists, or have low self-esteem, there are regular people that just have difficulty making real connections. Maybe their busy, or maybe they've been hurt and are recovering from it, or maybe, just maybe, it's part of their culture; part of how they were raised, so there's nothing to feel sorry for. Not everyone is looking for a forever love, be it because of the stage of life they're in or anything else. In American culture, we make friends in online games like WoW, how is that more real than paying someone to spend time with you?
@phuck_diz_shiz@xanga - It's not always clearly stated, but you have to be at least 18 years old. Various web sites for host clubs have "18 and over" notices, even though there is absolutely no sexual content throughout the site. 18 is the age that students are usually finishing high school in Japan, though the drinking age is 20. And no, host clubs are NOTHING like strip clubs, lol.
@Covergirl_For_Sanity_Fair@xanga - You're absolutely right, though a lot of women here want love, some really don't. The desire is different from person to person. Some want love, some have a hard time talking to people in everyday life, some want a good listener, and some women just like to play the game of "What can I get for the money I'm paying?" And then there are women who are willing to pay money in order for this non-relationship to turn into a sexual one, because they can't get sex from anyone else.
@KNEESOXROCK@xanga - Yes, modern-day geisha indeed, in terms of the hostess clubs. Hosts are the male geisha, of course :) I've read various interviews and articles in which host clubs are like caricatures of Japanese society in various ways. The Geisha theory is definitely one of them!
No matter what kind of cultural influence is going on, I can't understand why anyone would be drawn to do something like that. Pay someone for companionship? No matter what form it is, it seems kind of desperate. Plus there's no value in it. There's the value of a false relationship / friendship, that's all. It's not real.
i thought it was just for fun flirting. like when guys buy you drinks at the club, they're just paying for the fun of flirting :D
right?
no way them ugly boys think one drink is enough for someone to SLEEP with them, right?
lol more people are commenting about @immaairheadxl@xanga than the post!
But yeah, the host is actually doing a really good job if you feel genuine feelings for the guy. He's keepin you on the hook and you can't get away. Especially if you're gonna see him again before you go back to the states.