Saturday, 10 January 2009
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He Dumped Me Out of The Blue
This is a guest blog submitted by aka_lois_lane.First, a history lesson. I was separated from my now ex-husband for almost a year when a good friend of mine got divorced. Not long after that, he and I started dating; soon thereafter, we were exclusive. Weekend trips and everything. He would talk about marriage, how we were going to grow old together, things we would do later in life, etc. Things were great.
We'd been dating for a year when he lost his job at his plant due to layoffs, and I was there for him as much as I could be. Three days after he was laid off, my divorce was finalized, and we'd made plans to go out later that week. He canceled on me at the last minute, which he'd never done before.
The following Monday, he sent me a text saying we weren't meant for each other and he didn't want to complicate my life anymore. Other than one two-minute phone call from me and a "merry Christmas" text from him, we haven't had any contact since then. I haven't been able to get a hold of him for two weeks - he won't answer my texts or calls.
I just want to know why we broke up all of a sudden. Why would a guy do this?
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- From: aka_lois_lane@xanga
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Comments (74)
You know, reading this was painful. I'm in a similar situation and it is hard to see that so many other people never got their partner back (because that is what I want). At the same time though, I find that no two couples are alike, so how can we say why others do this? Nothing makes the pain stop, no matter what other people say and no explanation is the one you want. I guess the only thing you can do is to keep on walking.
I'm not gonna, a text break-up (especially after talking about marriage) is an extremely jackass thing to do. But I can understand the whole stress situation, but still... A text message break up for such a serious relationship? I'm sorry to hear about that, though. ):
@TyrantTrish@xanga - wow. I really hope you're exaggerating that. on one hand I feel sorry for you, and on the other i'm happy that you're rid of him! I hope you find somone better than that.
But as for this post, I really doubt it was completely out of the blue. I think maybe there were communication issues more than anything (I mean it was a text message, for starters). And what others have said about the stress of loosing the job, your divorce finalizing, his lacking ability to "provide", and all of that in such a short period of time - I think a lot led to it.
Good luck next time though!
It seems possible that the finalization of your divorce (on top of
everything else) was a huge stressor. As long as you were still married,
the both of you had to continue on in a state of status quo. Talk of the future and
marriage were just that - talk.
But once you were again single, all that talk
and all those plans became suddenly and overwhelmingly real. Faced with
that reality, maybe he freaked out. Maybe once it all became possible
and real that future wasn't what he wanted anymore.
Regardless, he owes you more that this abrupt, unexplained exit.
this happened to me before .. horrible feeling and thoughts of why
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Love the response!
my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue as well on Halloween night. I was completely stunned since we were going to hangout later that night. He said that I deserved better and that we need to take a break, "to give him a week to himself". So I gave him a week even though i knew we would break up anyways :/. And it happened exactly as I thought, he just came up to me and said "I don't think we should be in a relationship anymore."
Of course, he blamed everything on me.
I suspect that he broke up with you because he lost his job. He probably feels that he can't take care of you anymore like he thinks he should (it's an old fashioned thing, but it's common) and would rather just step away then feel like he's failing. A lot of men place their self-worth on their jobs, so when they lose them...
If you two were good friends before you started dating, then maybe you should try to go back to that for a while. Give him some time and see what happens. On the other hand, do you really want a guy (especially in this economy) that's going to dump you everytime he loses his job?
yeh wtf,,, a relationship that serious, and he doesn't even give u some sort of closing statement??
it's more than likely that you were his rebound chick. rebounds have a nasty habit of not lasting long.
that, or there is someone else. (or both).When my first boyfriend dumped me, he said, "I think we both know this isn't working." I thought, "Nope, news to me!" I was totally blindsided.
@fallingangyl@xanga - I completely agree with you.
Everyone else needs to get over the whole "OMG HE TEXT DUMPED YOU!?"
If you were friends to begin with, he would have been able to break up with you to save the friendship. Why didn't he? Because he still has feelings for you. He's afraid to confront you, he doesn't want to be a loser.
Men care more about their pride than anything else in the world.Think about that.
well get this i was in a 4 year relationship with my then boyfriend/ love of my life andrew. he moved to indiana and i was going to follow him a few months later. he would call me everynight telling me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and someother things. He came home from indiana for christmas this year and his sister (whom i do not get along with) was already here and had talked to him saying she hates relationships and there is always one person who loves the other more... and the next night ( a week before christmas this year) he dumped me at target saying i loved him more hahah what a joke huh?
but what i wanted to say was look at it this way, you didn't waste your time with him at all, people are people, and sometimes it doesnt work out. people change and its a great learning experience for you. i hope all is well and your heart is mending!
Nikki
it's prolly cuz he lost his job and feels like a failure
I personally think that he feels useless after he lost his job ( Jobs are sometimes people LIFE!) and he doesn't want to become a burden to you or he JUST perhaps feels useless.
Usually, most guys pay when they're with their girlfriends on a dinner or going somewhere and the fact that he got laid off from work,I mean... just think about it really? ( yeah he still have money on on side ..but even though guys love taking girls out...money can be the issue when you JUST got laid off and poorly growing poor (AKA BUM--mode). Bummer.
THE GOOD THING is he still cares about you because he text to say Merry Christmas and he did said " we weren't meant for each other and he didn't want to complicate my life..." So he's hinting that he didn't want to make your life harder on you because you probably want a guy that can treat you like a queen , takes you out to dinners and can afford nice gifts. In an old way, he feel like he's at fault for some reason. You won't be the same when something changes (good or bad. little or a whole lot) regardless of what it is. In this case, he lost his job.
PS. I advise you try to talk to him and figure it out together or it'll just keep bothering you or maybe even him. Good Luck!
<3 <3 <3 Molly Molly Molly
This sounds like he's just gone into a pretty severe depression. He feels useless, a burden, worthless. Dont' let him go.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN!! My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me, quite suddenly. Not quite as suddenly as yours appears to be, but let's just say everything was hot and heavy up until about a week ago. After that week of things being kinda iffy, I eventually decided to find out what was going on. She basically told me we weren't going to work out, because she doesn't have time for me anymore. I've decided most of what caused this is the fact that she stopped taking her anti-depressant. Don't get me wrong! I'm glad she's off it, but it has clearly shown me that I didn't really know the person i fell in love with. :(
This is just my guess....but maybe he was so anxious to be married again that it didn't matter to whom? Maybe he found comfort in you because you were going through what he had already gone through..and he said he wanted to marry you way too early in the relationship and it freaked him out once your divorce was finalized?
damn wat an ass...wont return your calls? wats up with the highschool games...he should b a man about it instead of texting you...coward.
Ok first probably he may
1) not want you to have deal with him losing his job
2) he may not have lost his job just used it to get out
3) he may have been giving you signs all along
4) he may have found someone else
5)he just doesn;t like you like that anymor or at all
6) u made more out of what you had than it was
females tend to think things are more than they are and then get hurt when the guy sets them right
i think he probably just felt like he wasn't going to be able to provide for you and be all he should be for you. my best friend got depressed and broke up with his girlfriend, saying that he didn't want to bring her down with him... soon enough they were back together. hopefully it's some what equal to your situation. good luck. stay strong.
ouch that sucks.. i hope you are okay. if you need cheering up you should look up "text message break up" on youtube =P
You may have missed something. He could have felt bad about you having to deal with his problems, or maybe he just found someone else. It's really sad that he did that. People can be pretty pathetic, considering he won't even talk to you now.
That's happened to me. The guy I was seeing with so much potential and future, left me out of the blue. He'd lost his job, had financial difficulties, and housing troubles. I guess it's stress like everyone else said? I'd never know now.