Saturday, 10 January 2009
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He Dumped Me Out of The Blue
This is a guest blog submitted by aka_lois_lane.First, a history lesson. I was separated from my now ex-husband for almost a year when a good friend of mine got divorced. Not long after that, he and I started dating; soon thereafter, we were exclusive. Weekend trips and everything. He would talk about marriage, how we were going to grow old together, things we would do later in life, etc. Things were great.
We'd been dating for a year when he lost his job at his plant due to layoffs, and I was there for him as much as I could be. Three days after he was laid off, my divorce was finalized, and we'd made plans to go out later that week. He canceled on me at the last minute, which he'd never done before.
The following Monday, he sent me a text saying we weren't meant for each other and he didn't want to complicate my life anymore. Other than one two-minute phone call from me and a "merry Christmas" text from him, we haven't had any contact since then. I haven't been able to get a hold of him for two weeks - he won't answer my texts or calls.
I just want to know why we broke up all of a sudden. Why would a guy do this?
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About the Author
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aka_lois_lane@xanga - Name: aka_lois_lane
- About Me: I am a 28 yr old newly divorced mother of 2, recently unemployed due to layoffs, going to college in January, looking to lose about 40lbs, get healthier, and hopefully gain a happier outlook on life.
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Comments (74)
Well, I'd say the stress probably got to him (at least, that's all I can figure, from the facts given).
Sadly, I broke up with my girlfriend out of the blue, too - apparently she hadn't noticed what I considered "signs" or "backing away."
Maybe he'd been feeling it for a while, but wasn't sure how to end it gradually. Or maybe the stress of losing a job just made him feel like he was a burden on you.
When you really care about someone, you can get so blinded by that, you don't realize that they've been giving you signs for a while.
The bigger tragedy is that someone you married, broke up with you with a text message. What a dick. He could've totally sent you a message on AIM. That's not the kind of person you should try to get back.
I Hate Saying Goodbye.
@tvPUFF@xanga - I don't think they married, they just planned to.
@Sirius_Fan_Girl@xanga - Oh, I misunderstood. I thought that her friend getting divorced was somehow the catalyst for getting back together with her husband. Stupid pronouns. Either way, if you date someone for a year, a text message is terrible.
My boyfriend dumped me out of the blue as well. Over the phone, not text. He never explained why. I'm in college and I have a class with him. He ignores me. I don't get it, but guys who do that just aren't worth it. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it seems a bit more serious than mine especially since he was talking about marriage. ):
@tvPUFF@xanga - Haha, I see what you thought. I do that kind of thing all the time... heh.
Yeah, he should have come up and talked to her, or even called her at the very least. It's sad. :(
Maybe he's just not that into you?
LOL oh boy i love these.. My boyfriend did that my freshman year of college.. I cried for weeks it was horrible.. his excuse was that "i deserved better than him" and that "he didn't trust me anymore" ...hmmm ok whatever that means. We stayed friends.. and recently told me he regrets what he did. But the fact of the matter is.. people do stupid crap that more often than i think is realized.
But i agree with the guy above... after a year.. he broke up with you via text message?? I mean i know technology is changing.. but manners and chivalry should not! This guy sounds like a tool and is not someone you should try to get back with!!
Sorry to hear about what happened.
Given the timing and clues you've given, it seems probable that he realized somewhere along the way that he wasn't all that into you after all, and saw the finalization of the divorce as a sort of milestone. In other words, there was this fantasy of a relationship with a future that he was interested in keeping up, but once the fantasy seemed like it might need to go further (now that you could get remarried,) he broke things off.
There's smaller possibility that he felt that as a man with no job that he would not be able to provide for you, but given his virtual disappearance and refusal to return calls, this seems less likely.
Whatever the case, the guy sounds like kind of a prick.
perhaps he feels like you'll loose interest in him because he won't have an income for quiet sometime? I'd confront him, get closure. Whats the worst that could happen, you embarass yourself? pah!
Sometimes, you just wake up and realize you don't have the same feelings anymore. It happens suddenly, and maybe sometimes the reason they don't give an explanation is because they don't have one. Love is weird like that sometimes, because it is so closely tied with hormones...another fickle thing. Still, knowing that doesn't make you feel any better.
Maybe he just needs some time to come around. My old boyfriend lost his job, too, and it is hard for him to deal with that, not being able to live up to the "provider" mentality that guys often feel obliged to.
Just a shot in the dark here, but could he possibly been so upset about getting laid off, that all his plans for marriage and the life he wanted to live with you have went down the drain just like his job? Or at least what he thought anyway...
I'm sorry to hear that. But I do have to ask... what's the point of speculating on this situation?
All the stress probably got to him.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - Curiosity, for starters. Also, maybe it's something to avoid in the future? Things like this make one doubt themselves. Was it me or was it him? Was it something that happened, or was it simply a bad fit?
I can't explain why, honestly. If I did, it would just sound like lame excuses, because, well, frankly, that's all that there are. Lame excuses. To be honest, it seems like this guy is weaksauce, and can't handle facing you or this breakup. If I wanted to give him an enormous benefit of the doubt, I'd suggest that he might actually feel that without his job, he is no longer the same person, and therefore might not be good enough for you. I really really doubt that, because taking that much effort to cancel plans, break up, and not contact you so soon after getting laid off, indicates that he's breaking up with you for selfish reasons.
The others are right. I don't think there's anything to do, but move on. Feel free to spend some time analyzing the relationship, but don't make him being a jerk make you doubt your sense of self. Perhaps you just weren't a good fit as a couple. It's not necessarily anyone's fault, not every shoe matches every foot. Sorry. Hope the next guy you land has some balls.
@JaneyFTW1@xanga - That's probably the most accurate description. It's sad, but true. It happened to me too. He just decided he didn't care anymore, and that was that.
probly doesn't want to be a burden. and being broke and dating is not fun. especially for the guy. kind of feel inadequate. can't give the much sought after "security" that women tend to desire.
I got dumped out of the blue....
he wanted to see other ppl....
found out later on he had cheated on me
so...maybe...guilt...or maybe he just want ready to gt married and freaked
ull never really know
=(
@esch99@xanga - :-O perfect! I think the same.. (r u a therapist or sth?! haha)
This happened to me on Christmas. I finally got an answer out him. He stated that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, but he's just not ready for this and he didn't want me waiting around for him.
I like how he tried to make it seem like he did it out of concern for me but I really don't believe that to be the truth.
I know well how it feels to be dumped.
i guess the answer is " he is not that into you".
@firemonkiesofhell@xanga - I was going to say that!
I think that once you got the divorce finalized, he was looking at the possibility of you two being either a permanent or long term couple, and that was his turn off. He just didn't know how to tell you that in any kind of acceptable way, and so is just not saying so.
i had this happen to me also. dated a guy (maybe it was my mistake to date him because he was a coworker, a family member of the owner of the business) but besides all that detail, we were happy, so i thought, then out of the blue, he gets a promotion, he told his family about having a gf (me) and suddenly a week later hes dumping me via text for "work reasons" been a lot of talking and i think i know what they were but the stress thing seemed to be the contributing factor here, maybe in yurs as well