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I don't have a boyfriend so I don't have to deal with the issue of my parents not liking him. But I don't really know what I would do if my parents hated my BF. It seems like it would be awkward. I know they like the guy I have a crush on right now but who knows if anything will happen there.

Good thing only my mom is Asian...lol. But even so, she's not like the typical Asian mom or anything...maybe because I'm a bit conservative myself, as well as the fact that I've never really been in a serious relationship in general.

I think the most important thing is that your parents trust you and let you do your own thing, as you are an adult now. Talk with them and tell them clearly that what you're looking for in a relationship is not what THEY want, but what YOU want. If they yell and get mad, just keep your cool. Eventually they'll have to accept your choice. Personally I've never been in that kind of a situation before. My mom has voiced some disapproval over guys that I liked, but never to the extent of a fight. She's very understanding. Good luck :)

as a fellow Asian, i completely understand where youre coming from. there are certains things that asian parents want and dont want to hear and certain things they weigh more in a SO than one would prefer. ive never reallly been in your case before, but i would say, for the most part, if i were you, i would try my best to down play (or completely cut out) any kind of bad talk about his longer-than-your academic career and talk up his good points: hes really focused in school right now, hes doing lots of extra curriculars, hes working, blah blah. hopefully over time, itll gradually make some kind of impact.

Hmm, agree with most of the above, but here's some tips (from a fellow Asian, if that matters). First, there are two types of asian parents. Those who can be reasoned with and won over, and those who cannot. You might suspect they can be won over, but you won't know until you try. Try. Here's some tips:

1. Food. If you're asian, you should know that food is a huge part of life and our culture. But he should do better than just say mm and thank you and ask for seconds. Here's my food gameplan, and it starts the moment I walk through the door. Round 1, snacks will be offered, probably fruit. Accept it graciously. Do not eat it. Take a bite, enjoy it, issue thanks, and then hold it and pretend to be so involved in other things, that you forget to eat. Whether it's asking questions or complimenting the house, or whatever, do NOT eat more than the minimum number of bites. If the snack offered are bite size, simply don't put it in your mouth.

Round 2 might be tea. Accept it. Same applies, do not drink it. Sip it, swirl it, smell it, but don't gulp.

Round 3 when dinner approaches, absolutely be 'hungry' but take SMALL SERVINGS. Americans often heap food. DO NOT. Make sure the food covers the plate (spread it thin if necessary), try everything, but make sure you get the minimum amount of food possible.

Round 4 is seconds. You want seconds, but you can't eat too much. Think about it, but hesitate for only a moment, and then hungrily take a similar portion to the first round. Eat slower, gage the pace of your mother, who should be eating slowly.

By Round 5, your mother should be trying to figure out what his favorite dish is. Now it's time to start refusing food. Politely, but not firmly. Accept after a single refusal. She will top off your plate with your favorite dish.

Round 6 is optional, and you have to read her carefully. Refuse politely, but firmly, wait for her to press the issue, and then take fourths. You should be just about packed by now.

Round 7 is after dinner fruit/dessert. Unless it's homemade dessert, I would suggest turning it down, or only eating a bite, because you are absolutely too full from dinner. If she offers leftovers, take them. Compliment the food profusely throughout.

2. Walk in with a gameplan. Confidence. Direction. Explanations are excuses, so don't bother. Like you said, his past is already a failure, and trying to convince them otherwise is pointless. Anything you talk about should be the future. It should be distinct, positive, and confident. Even if it is mediocre by their standards, you're better off if it's clear what his plans are. YOU will later have the job of convincing them that what's in his future is aligned with your happiness. The fact that he appears confident about his future, and that you are confident that that is an agreeable future, means that you have a HOPE of convincing them that it's true. They need to understand that you and he both understand your future and it is what you want.

3. Be respectful. To you, to them. Affection is likely seen as disrespect, unfortunately. Let me rephrase that. Physical displays of affection are likely to be seen as disrespect. I don't understand this, but it's probably true.

4. He should walk in with a topic with which he connect to your father talking about. Food will work on your mother. Conversation for the father. He should come in knowledgable, but willing to intelligently disagree if necessary. If it incurs a discussion, he should concede somewhere along the line, but be respectful, attentive, and listen throughout. Your father should see him as a man, but not as an equal. Don't pretend to be. He is not.

5. If there are young kids, win them over. Every little bit helps. Take
them to the arcade and be a limitless quarter machine. It's pretty fun,
actually, regardless. Take them mini golfing, get them back on time
safe and sound.

6. It is up to you, to convince your parents afterwards that he is for you. He should not attempt to do so. He should merely attempt to win your mother through food, your father through conversation, and have a distinct gameplan for his future. You must convince them that he is what you want. If they believe that he knows exactly what he is, and that you know exactly what he is, they are more willing to accept that you are walking into what they disagree with, but with open eyes. If they respect you and they are able to be reasoned with, then they may be willing to agree to disagree.

Good luck. It's possible.

Two roads to take:
1) Don't listen to the parents and go ahead and marry the guy (if it comes to that). It's your happiness and not theirs. You know what he will become and you have to weigh you present happiness with that of the future (financial, emotional, etc).

2) Listen to the parents and find someone that fits better into their asian success mindset. Although, like perfection, I think no man/woman will ever be good enough in the asian culture for their children.

I have to say though, if it's only the academic thiing your parents are concerned about, then I would certainly go with option 1. Believe me if you choose option 2, you better think it through hard. I've lived it and I regret my decision...g'luck

How could anyone possibly be good enough for a parent's child? 

It may be tough but be blunt about how you feel and direct. Its your life, I know they mean well and they care about you, but in the end it matters how YOU feel about the situation.

Love doesnt have to be defined as an instant connection. If anything a love that grows is beautiful in its own way. Maturing and blossoming with time.

I wish you luck, I really do.

Thanks for all the comments guys and gals.  Your support and reasonings have given me much hope that this year will be better on the relationship/family front.

Musings, I think your gameplan would have worked twenty years ago in China (now that you mention it, I totally understand what happens when people visit my grandmother's house!), but no, my parents aren't THAT conservative.  They won't hold it against you if you finish your food =P.

Wow you are in a tight situation there. It's always nice to have similar education backgrounds, but what you really want to do is convince your parents that this is what you really want.

Your parents want the best for you. No parent, not even an Asian parent, wants their kid to be unhappy in terms of finding love. So the fact that they are questioning your relationship means that they actually don't see how your relationship will work out. Which means you will need to put in more effort into the relationship, and make it clear that this is the guy you want to stick with, work on a plan that would convince them that you've got it figured out with this guy, etc.

At the end of the day, remember that your parents have more life experience than you do (they are older, they have marriage experience, they've raised you until college), so take their criticism for what it's worth, try to learn from them, but also do your own thing. In the end they'll respect you for it.

Parents are important to respect...but I think maybe you should have mentioned more of him before you had graduated.  Because if you had grown into a relationship, maybe they too would have slowly grown with him while he is around... and because you are now working and he is still in school its harder for them to understand, no?

In the end, though, it is up to you who you are with and love... though you are right to get mad, because you DO want your parents to accept and respect your desicions, so I think maybe time will slowly help you out here.  

ok here is what i did. I got my grandma to talk to them. Cos the is highly respected and really pp do listen to her, so she talked to her son and daughter in law to at least take a look at the guy. Yep. They did. They loved him and accepted him even more than ever. But the irony is, i left him. But it does work out fine..in the end..