Friday, 09 January 2009
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Why I'm Done with Dating
This is a guest blog submitted by waitingpatiently.So I've been in a rollercoaster of emotions when it comes to guys. But I think I'm over it now.
The list of guys I've dated is short, but they have all turned me off to the idea of dating:
Guy #1: I dated him over five years ago for about three and a half months in college. Things started out okay, but then it went downhill fast. It just seemed like he wanted a girlfriend to have someone in his life and that thought that girl would stick around if he told her that he thought he was falling in love with her. It seemed like all he wanted was the physical aspect of the relationship, which I wasn't willing to give. Towards the end of it, it almost was like I wore the pants in the relationship and was making the most effort - even paying for stuff. I had to be the leader in the relationship. I broke it off because I didn't want to deal with all the crap anymore.
Guy #2: He seemed like a nice guy, but he turned out to be a douchebag. He would make comments to me that would leave me scratching my head. One time we were at the grocery store getting food before going to watch a movie. I had mentioned that I was in the mood for pizza. He announced to everyone around us, "She doesn't want pizza. She doesn't know what she wants."
Another time we were in a big city that he had never gone to, so I offered to take him around. We were in a park and he noticed a concert was about to start. He looked at me, said that he wanted to stay, walked away from me before I could even say anything and sat down. He also had the nerve to see one of those double decker tour buses and dragged me on there (even though I voiced that I didn't want to do it because I didn't have the money). In the end, I ended up paying $25 for my ticket as well as half of his. He didn't even say thank you or anything.
I don't know what it was; I don't know if he felt like I owed him anything, but it was a bunch of crap. He then took my keys - without my permission - out of my purse without my knowing because he thought I was drunk (my face turns red even after half a drink) and watched me freak out while I looked for my keys. He was going to leave me downtown with no way of getting my car the next morning to get to work. He told me later he didn't want to confront me at that time to make a scene. He didn't have the balls to. I deserved to be treated with respect...and, please, communicate with me.
Guy #3: He decided that it would be fun to flirt but then decided to fall off the face of the earth. It's stupid.
Guy #4: He seemed to have everything I wanted in a guy. I then found out that he told someone else that he couldn't see us being in a relationship. Seriously, if you're going to say that, tell me. I don't care if it's through email or what, but tell me before I have to find out through the grapevine.Are relationships even worth it? I don't know. I feel like I've been treated like I'm nothing. I want to be valued in a relationship, yet sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to have a good quality guy who can take care of me. All the guys that have been around and have been involved in the dating/relationship aspect of my life have been stupid. I've only known the bad guy who doesn't have his head on straight. I will never be the trophy wife. I will never measure up to whatever ideas that people may have of me or to the ideal of what the model wife should be. I will never be the girly girl who goes shopping everyday, wears tons of makeup, really enjoys cooking and taking care of the children. I like to do things that are typically labeled as something a guy would do, like play paintball.
I'm not going to give up on my dreams of pursuing a relationship with someone, though, as much as I'm disappointed with the quality of men I've come in contact with. I'm pretty sure that right now is just not the right time. I just want someone who is well educated, a world traveler, someone who can respect me and communicate well with good sense of humor. I would like to have someone who has the same passions as I do but yet has his own life, who isn't needy, and is okay with the fact that I have friends of the opposite sex. I want someone to bring out the good in me, stay with me through the ups and downs of life and who encourages me to achieve those dreams. I want someone who can walk alongside me in this journey called life.
I'm driven. I know what I want to do with my life. I'm going go to what I need to do achieve them. I will go do what I need to do and I'll do it with or without you.
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About the Author
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- From: waitingpatiently
- Name: Jennifer
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Comments (41)
Amen to everything. I'm the exact same way right now. Kudos to you. :) Guys suck. Ha.
Bad luck.
Guys suck. =T
-From a guy.
I think. I know what you mean.
Dang. Yeah guys are jerks, lol. Especially #2...geez. I hope he's gotten what he deserves for being such a douchebag.
But don't give up hope just because of some bad luck. It helps us figure out what we want as well as what we don't want. Not to mention that my standards have been set pretty high after much disappointment in the past. Never settle for less :)
That guy is out there. I know it's like...Well where the heck is he? But you'll find him. I found mine :)
It can be worth it. Don't take life too personally. Things happen. The best balance is to have goals, but live in the moment and love the path as you walk to those goals. It sounds like your dating life has NOT been an enjoyable path. The next time you date, it should be enjoyable. If you don't, your life should be enjoyable. Sometimes we have to work hard and sacrifice to get what we want, but make the path you're on as happy as it can be. Life's not about the ending. It's about the living.
I agree, besides, those guys didn't seem right for you anyway...
Try to do what you enjoy in life, doesn't have to be about dating non-stop, but just live, that's all you can do really
I've never really had a guy be interested in me as more than a friend except for my current boyfriend. I guess that's a good thing because I haven't had to deal with as much drama (just being rejected every so often, but I guess that's easier than being with someone and letting your feelings grow and THEN being rejected), but I don't know.
@BlackInferno921@xanga -
Chicks suck way more than guys.
I'd go through a series of lists deeming my own opinion of these three guys but one word seems to sum them all up. What chumps! Guy 1 was only interested in sex. Guy 2 is a complete imbecile who has no sense of boundaries or common sense for that matter. I don't know what was up Guy 3's ass. Guy 4 managed to woo you but couldn't get the balls to be honest with his feelings and tell you himself instead of letting you hear it second hand.
Ok, I've vented on a bunch of guys I don't even know personally and whom have nothing to do with me, but honestly, there is someone out there for you. He just hasn't come along yet. Don't give up or despair! I dated a bunch of people who weren't right for me one way or another, but after a bunch of hit and miss experiences I found someone decent whom I've been in a relationship with successfully for almost two years now.
Hey! It's still great that you're not giving up on this aspect of your life altogether!
Another thing to consider is this: "What insight have I gained from each and every single guy?". Perhaps these guys were necessary in your past so that you could learn more and figure out more about yourself and the relationship person in you.
Best wishes!
Amen, sistah.
Four guys? Are you joking? There's more than three billion members of the opposite sex. Do you know how many assholes that means exist? How few people anyone should be compatible with? Now, what do you think the likelihood is of four guys falling into that category? It's very unlikely. That's why some people date well into their thirties, forties and beyond before they find someone. Cutting yourself off from dating means cutting yourself off from growing emotionally so your ability to be a satisfying partner once you find someone will go way way down. Just like death exists to give meaning to life, failed relationships exist to make true love that much more special.
ive had a bummy bf befores. but you really shouldnt let it affect you that much. [this is away from the whole psychology POV] but you should keep searching. like what are you going to do? never date? i think i wanted to do that befores. but turns out that i couldnt because that feeling of being loved. or iono. those butterflies. i thought it was all worth it.
but im still kinda young. so like make your mistakes or have your fun while you still can. iono. whats it for you?
@tvPUFF@xanga - i like your idea...makes heartbreaks feel less painful.
Well, if I were you I'd simply go along with my life. Chances are along the way you'll meet a guy who's perfect for you.
Being content and single isn't a bad thing; get to know yourself more.
Good luck!
Xo
@tvPUFF@xanga - exactly (y)... !
Btw Bender rocks haha
thats not that bad, I one time paid for my date's roomate's food. Now that is sad. And the roomate wasn't even there!
guys do suck, and you dont need to be in a relationship, they are just nice to have in hopes of that right person...but unfortunately youve gotten a few duds...
I think the fact that u right this here, tells me that you do not really wanna give up. Thus, my advice is, learn from your lessons, understand where u went wrong and honestly its fun being friends and going for a drive with a guy:0) u will learn what u need and what u don't need.:)
In the meantime, its good that u love yourself and know what you want in life. At the same time, keep your eyes open. I dont believe there aren't good men out there.
ugh i HATE the number 1's and number 3's most...and the 2's and the 4's and the otehr ones i've dated. there was the perfect guy turned sour for me through the magic of distance as well (i told him we should break up when i left but he insisted) then the perfect guy turned oh-look-a-girl-kthbye...i haven;t even kissed anyone since early august and i don;t even plan to anytime soon. boys drool.
Don't give up just yet. There are tons of guys on the planet that suck, and you happen to have met and dated 4 of them. But there are also guys out there that don't suck--you just haven't found them yet. Chalk those four up to bad luck (and maybe growing pains--it took me a while to realize that I deserved and wanted to be treated well and a while longer to get to the point where I require it), and don't give up hope.
sometimes its good to take a break and give yourself some time to decompress, meet new people, and learn from your experiences....
i know how you feel believe me. i went through about 10 douchebags in the span of a year, and it wasn't until the tenth that i finally realized i needed to stop undervaluing myself and giving myself over to these guys that clearly didn't see my worth, it was a long road but i learned the lesson in the end.
@dr52383@xanga - well said. after dealing with idiots like that you really do need to take time to yourself and then go back out there refreshed, but this time around you know the difference btw the douches and the nice guys and you save yourself a whole lot of trouble, and the dating world is less horrible than it was before.
don't give up hope! I haven't (though logically given all i've been through I should have a long time ago) but really all great things come in time. and I LOVE the way you ended this post. keep that mentality at all times in your life! =)