This is a guest blog submitted by mental_therapy.After my last "date," for lack of a better term, I have come to realize that people place too much pressure on impressing the other person. No, you are not going to fall in love right away, so don't give up if you weren't seeing fireworks during the first date. After saying that, I like to think I have repositioned my view on why I date (that is, when I go on another one).
I date for the sake of appreciating the other person's companionship. I want to enjoy the other person's company, and that cannot happen if they are high-strung on what to do next. When you have fun and relax, everything becomes effortless. You want to impress me? Be comfortable around me.
Yeah, be flirty and playful, but just be comfortable.
Maybe this will make me less successful at getting a second date, but know I enjoyed myself just with your presence alone. So that is why I date. Why do OTHER people date? To meet people? To get a free dinner? To potentially fall in love?
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Comments (47)
i don't date.
Uh...I've never really dated, but...I tend to have two senses of the word "dating"--one being casual, like a, "let's get to know each other and see what happens" kind of dating, and then the, "I really like a lot of things about you and I want to start something serious." I imagine the first can become the second, but I tend to just go with the second, i.e. dating someone that I've gotten to know as a friend for a while.
I have never dated anyone.
i date because i love that uncomfortable feeling you get, sitting across from someone you barely know, forcing yourself to pretend like you're interested, and making up something to sound like you're contributing to the encounter.
oh wait... uhm... yeah.. so i'm not a big fan of dating.
to potentially fall in love!!!haha
thats in my head but i think it also bcoz its fun i guess talking and spending time...Admittedly, I date to potentially fall in love and get married, but I also realize that having any sort of potential feelings for someone takes time and I can't judge how successful a relationship is going to be from the first couple of dates.
I don't date much because I have a respiratory issue, and I would be really embarrassed if something happened on a date. Also, I am moving soon, and I don't really want anything to turn into a serious relationship if we'll just be separated soon anyway.
When I do date, it's to get to know new people, and possibly to find love. I don't expect it on the first date, but I do like to see if the possibility is there.
"I date for the sake of appreciating the other person's companionship. I
want to enjoy the other person's company, and that cannot happen if
they are high-strung on what to do next. When you have fun and relax,
everything becomes effortless. You want to impress me? Be comfortable
around me.
Yeah, be flirty and playful, but just be comfortable. "
It helps to be friends first. Like.... big time. Heaven forbid people be friendly before "getting together" as a couple.
-_-;;
"friends zone" -- psh!
Ultimately the objective of dating should be to eliminate people who you think may be a potential lifemate. You should design dates not to be entertained but to discover information about the person you are with. A good date will not be fun since all you would learn about the other person is that they like to have fun, which you can pretty much guess without going on the date. The date should be something challenging like volunteering at a soup kitchen or hospital to see how your date deals with others and with stress.
Once you have eliminated everyone you don't want as a life partner then you should have found the right one.
Mmm.. I don't 'date' much.
When I do date though, I'm just myself (however I try to give a good impression u know
), I look for that sense of excitment n' curiosity, just to feel good n' do sth different haha... It's also a good way to meet ppl n' have fun. (And if it's a bad date, remember the date as sth to laugh about haha) But mainly to see how other ppl (guys) react. I like to 'study' ppl...
When I actually like someone I don't date haha
@linguistic_nonsense@xanga - hahaha 'to potentially fall in love and get married'
thumps up for ur honesty! I mean, I'm a woman and when I date I think about it for second too 
..
Good comment though
To find someone I'm compatible with and (if I am) pursue them.
I just want to hold hands with someone
@theacematt2@xanga - I highly agree with your saying "psh" to the so-called "friend zone"... I'm 21 and I just "got" my first boyfriend this last September (he's 24). As of my birthday this past December, I am his longest relationship (and he, obviously, is mine as well).
The thing is, to this day, we've known each other for almost six and a half years.
I'm not sure what changed, but I guess we've each discovered something in the other that is worthwhile and plan on making it last...and I absolutely love the fact that we have known each other for so long already - and I also love slipping it into conversation when people ask how we met/how long we've been going out, etc. It's fun/funny to see their reaction of "wow" (or whatever it may be) upon hearing that fact.
I've never been on a date!
D:
I think it's a dying event. It seems to me that couples are the only one's who go on dates.
It's such a jumbled mess in my opinion about the rules of dating now a days.
If I were to go on dates and I'd go to have a good time and possibly see the possibilities in the other person. Wither it be a friend, a SO, or acquaintance.
OMG...I completely agree! first dates are awkward and scary. it is extremely hard to be yourself. i've been there and have never had a second date with all those guys. but at the same time i think it depends. first dates can be weird but for me, its how i feel before and after the first date. if after the date, they're still the same i'm probably not gonna want to go out with them again.
so i agree with you, be yourself on the first date.
LOL i used to date for 3 reasons:
1) i was really bored
2) my friends asked me to go out w/ someone
3) pity date...i felt bad for the guy
Great reasons, right? LOL
I'm a fucking serial dater.
Because I'm single& I can do whatever I want - I'm also a big ass flirt..But when I know to settle things down, I do that.
When I was in my first relationship, I was young, and there was never a "dating" part to it. It would just be boy meets girl, girl meets boy and right away if they like eachother there would be a lable on them "Girlfriend & Boyfriend." It's not until years I started to "date" instead of rushing into a relationship, I don't know why I didn't realize it sooner, but I was young. Now I date to get to know someone better before rushing into things.
I agree with you. Although I'm not much of a "dater," I went out with people so I could enjoy their company. Dating for love is just an over-rated idea and if its just for a free meal then you would just be using the person. I prefer spending time with people because it allows me to get to know them, and when I get to know them, nature takes its own course and maybe I'll become more attached or attracted to one person over the others.
@theacematt2@xanga - thats so true. I prefer to be friends with the person first.
I don't date strangers. Thats what crushes are for.
Xo
i went on only one date for the past 2 years...
wow.
I'm still i awe of how long its been.
but I (would) date because I like talking to girls better than guys.
I'm not gay, but I seem to have more girls as friends.
Maybe its just me but I typically date after being friends...I guess to also see their character outside of just a love kind of relationship. That way if you become closer you can appreciate the person on multiple levels.
haha perhaps I look at dating very seriously but I feel like I'm looking for someone to complete me...and while I'm searching I feel as though I'm the missing part to someone else. I dont date to pass the time or fill a void...I'm looking for love.
there's definitely a lot of pressure to impress, I would really like to go on a date when I can just relax and have a good time. I date to find the love of my life!
I date to at least have someone who will listen to during the years of growing up. Then hopefully falling in love. I've dated a good number of people in the past 5 years and about two were 'potential to fall in love with' but all in all it didn't work out. And now, I started dating a guy in the Summer and now I'll never date another person again. :) He's THE ONE. And I know he is. I date him because he supports me in everything I do, and I do the same for him. He loves me and I love him. He makes me happy I make him happy. It's great.