One of my friends who got engaged (you remember that Pulse, right?) told me last night that she'll be getting married in August - that means she and her fiancé will have something like an eight-month engagement.
I also know a guy and a girl who met their freshman year of college, *~fell for each other~* and have decided they're getting married after they graduate . . . in 2011. Yowza.
So, for you, what would the perfect engagement length be? Do you think incredibly long engagements could be a deterrent to actually going through with the marriage?
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Comments (69)
I think it depends a lot on whether they have been dating very long, or if they are living together while they wait for the day to arrive.
For me, I want at least a year! It takes awhile to put together a wedding.
My engagement was going to be about a year and a half. She wanted an expensive wedding so we were in the process of getting money together. But I guess the length would depend on resources, is there enough time to plan for the wedding that is wanted or is there enough money for the wedding.
Ah, 8 more days until I was supposed to get married. Heh heh heh. Dodged a bullet on that one.
My high school English teacher was engaged to his SO for five years and when I graduated they still weren't married...so as far as I know they could still be engaged. It all depends on what the circumstances are and how much you love them, what type of wedding you want, etc.
There really is no ideal engagement length. You just go with the flow.
Depends on the situation and all....like if you get engaged 4 months after going out. I would say that would call for a longer engagement vs one that waited at least a year or so to get engaged. Same with money...if you want a big wedding, house, whatever and have to save; give yourself time to get it before you get married.
My husband were together for 2 years and lived together for a year of the 2 before we got engaged....then 14 months after the engagement we got married. We just had a small wedding and didn't go on a really big honeymoon. When we got engaged my mom said that usually ("normally") people get married around a year after. *shrugs* Huh...so yeah it all depends :)
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - whoa...what happened?
Well Ive been with this guy for a few years...lots of talk, but no funds. Makes me wonder.
I told my boyfriend of almost 3 years, who has brought up the topic of marriage several times now, that I would like to be engaged for at least a year and a half to 2 years. I know that seems like a long time, but I plan on graduate school, and know that I will be stressed enough. So I think that having more time to take our time and plan things out, might help with the stress level. I think everyone needs there own engagement length. Some ppl might feel like getting married right away, while others might need time to figure things out and plan.
I was officially engaged (the proposal and the ring bit) about 2 months but we had been talking about marriage for over a year at that point. 2 months was all we needed to pull together our wedding.
Long engagements happen, like you said, because of college or with a big wedding they need time to get the funds and plan everything. I also know people that were never really engaged when they tied the knot. Whatever works for the couple.
@wolvenchic@xanga - Recall the somewhat bitter post on datingish regarding showing love instead of just saying the words? That was me and a partial look into the end of my engagement.
Having had time to fully analyze what caused the demise, I found it was the combination of things including, she was selfish, I was naive, and the ever popular introduction of a new male "friend". Who she talked to more than me, more than any of her family members and more than any of her other friends whether they were male or female. Her mistake was that I would become suspicious and check the her phone records, the phone that I paid for. But that is only one more part of the story. It truly was complicated.
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - wow, yea I read that one, I think I commented on it too.. I never realized you were 8 days away though. You really did dogde a bullet.
My engagement only lasted... 5 months? A little less. But the total length would have been... 15 months? A little longer than necessary, which I think is probably 8-12 (to proper plan a wedding smoothly), but that was due to proper proposal timing to match her spring break (I booked us a cruise). Our engagement also corresponded with graduation (hers, from PA school), but we had talked about it for years (together 7). Can't quite say the same as you @Not_a_real_site@xanga though. We would have been great, but she opted for different. *shrug* not everything good need last forever
if you know the person really well, an engagement doesn't need to be very long at all. i think if you are engaged to someone for longer than a year or two (and are not college students), maybe you should reconsider/re-evaluate the relationship. if a man truly loves you and it is meant to be, there isn't an obstacle that will prevent him from making you his bride.
why put a timeframe on an engagment? it all depends on the couple. my best friend was engaged for 4 yrs before marriage. i was engaged for 3 yrs. no biggie. it's all circumstantial and has no real bearing on actual "love" of a couple
WELL I GOT ENGAGED SEPT.29TH AFTER BEING WITH HIM FOR A YEAR AND ONE MONTH WE PLAN ON GETTING MARRIED 8-9-2010 BECAUSE THAT WILL BE OUR 3 YEAR ANNIVERSARY AND I LIKE THE WAY THE NUMBERS LOOK BUT NO REALLY I THINK IT ALL DEPENDS ON MONEY AND WHAT DO U WANT TO ACCCOMPLISH BEFOR U GET MARRIED
depends on the couple. engaged is just another way of saying we plan on getting married sometime in the future. if you have to wait four years, you have to wait four years.
You can't put a time frame on an engagement. It takes about year to plan a decent wedding. My mom thought I had a long engagement at 1.5 years. What she didn't realize is that venues book a year in advance and we got engaged in November. By the time we started looking at venues in January, unless I wanted to get married in the winter, we had to wait until the following spring to book a venue date in good weather.
I've noticed some couples have long engagements due to their financial situations. Weddings require money.
i've been engaged for a little over a year already. i still don't plan on getting married for another year and a half though.
I think about a year long engagement would probably be the normal amount of time..To plan everything and all. It depends on the couple, though. If they've been dating for a very long time, I think it'd be fine to have a short engagement. If they've been dating for a short amount of time, I could see the reason for a longer engagement.
I want to wait until I'm finished with school to get married...
I would at least wait a year. They do say the more engagements that last over a year have been more successful, But I heard that theory about 4 years ago so I don't know what the statistics are now. Also being out of college is a good idea since it gives less stress.
I am not engaged yet. I have not been formally asked. But my bf and I are planning on getting married smetime this year. He is joining a branch of the military in the next few months. After he finishes basic training and starts school he will fly over to me (from where his schooling is) and we will be getting married. Its going to be a small wedding at the courthouse and we will be doing a bigger ceremony/ reception after he finishes school so the extended faily can be there. So, even though I have not been formally asked, I kinda consider myself to be engaged because we are not planning a wedding like people normally do.
Long engagement to me sounds like a gimmick...one day I'll marry you so don't you dare cheat on me or think about other people! Engagement should be a time to celebrate the commitment and planning of the wedding/after wedding lifestyle.
In my opinion, anything longer than 2 years is too long! And I hope I won't be in this situation.
Ultimitly it all depends..
but I'd like to have a short engagement.. all I want time for is to actually PLAN the wedding. :]
I was taught a very valuable lesson once.
Long Courtship, Short Engagement.
I think that's the best way to go about it.
:]