Thursday, 08 January 2009
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Dear Dr. Datingish: I'm Attracted to A Much Younger Guy
Dr. Datingish
Is it odd that I'm a 21-year-old woman and I find a 15-year-old boy attractive? I'm working with this youth group he's a part of, and I know that I'm going to have to end up quitting because of this growing attraction. I mean, my little brother is just 15.
Is this normal and has anyone else ever had to deal with this?
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Comments (101)
hmm. i wouldnt say that its odd. just not the norm.
but i can assure you that its definitely not legal.
and yes, i think you should quit your job because you wouldnt want to get in trouble for something that did or didnt happen.
Jail bait. It's not unusual per say, just look at the number of teachers that have served time for relationships with students, but you really should find someone your own age to connect with.
its not odd I was once attracted to a 15 year old when I was 18. Although he had lied & told me he was 17. >.>
anyway these things happen, age is just a number after all.
it happens but you should never get involved with a student.
i wouldnt be too worried about it so long as you dont act on it. if it gets to the point where u feel like u have to quit, then go for it and quit. but dont quit b4 u can actually tell whether u can handle it or not. and yes it is illegal, my guess is you probably are just reminiscent of ur past. i look at younger boys and find them attractive, but i'm not going to go and date them. i just think dang where was he wen i was that age and move on. oh and its just weird at that age. my aunt is 5 years older than my uncle and theyre happy. but id say it would b safer to date a man younger than you AFTER he has hit a legal age lol or even puberty :) hope it helps
http://www.avert.org/aofconsent.htm
About half of the states in the US have 16 as the legal age of consent. If you're not sure, call your local police department and ask. Furthermore, it's only illegal if you have sexual relations. DO quit the youth group, though. From a position of authority it is sexual harassment. It's outside of the norm, yes, but you do feel what you feel. You should think hard about the consequences of pursuing such a relationship, because there are a lot of complex things to deal with. As an older female it's likely you are far far more mature than he is, even if he 'appears' mature. It'll likely cause many problems.
To be honest, I'd say if it's just a growing attraction you're safer to separate yourself from the situation and find someone your own age/station in life. Unless you're completely smitten, the risks are greater than the rewards...
THATS NOT NORMAL BECAUSE THATS A BABY AND HE IS GOING TO PLAY ON YOUR FEELINGS MAKING U LOSE YOUR JOB
I don't think it's ODD per say...but I mean if you act upon it then it's bad and it's illegal and you can get in sooo much trouble, but maybe it's just a phase, it has happened to me b4, I've like da 15 year old when I was 18 so yea...sometimes it just happens, you cant help what you feel! and yes, act ain't nothing but a number =]
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - I agree.
Oooh, man. I can really feel you on this one because I have a little crush on my boyfriend's 17 year old brother. And before anyone judges me, RELAX. I'm not planning on acting on it, and I just get a little giddy when he's around, so it's nothing serious... But he's 5'11, Mr. Tall, Athletic, and Handsome. Hahaha.
But I agree with GiantUnicorn. Age is just a number. There has to be something about the way that he carries himself that is attracting you to him. But I can definitely understand why you'd feel uncomfortable. You just have to ask yourself where this attraction is coming from.
Is it a physical thing? Or is there something about his personality that is on the same level as yours?
Sometimes your horomones and/or heart just can't help themselves. =]
Age is just a number, but sometimes its best not to act on your feelings.
Xo
Eh, sometimes we just can't control our feelings. However, we can control our actions. Just remember your boundaries.
As long as you have self control you shouldn't have to quit. Stuff like this happens, like they said above, just don't act on it. Its not wrong, I'm sure there are a lot of 21 year old males that are attracted to 15 year old girls. Just watch yourself around him and don't let it go to far or get physical at all.
Aw all the above comments are somewhat negative...
I'll give you a positive one!
I think it's perfectly fine!
I'm 15 at the moment but I think this 11/12 year old is amazing. I swear he doesn't act 11/12. When I first saw him, I would've guessed he was at least 15. And you know what? The younger people are, the bigger the age gap really is. Ya know? So six years...not too bad! You can't help who you're attracted to. :P
When you look around at society now a days, it's normal to have crushes or marry someone who's completely younger than you are. It's not your fault you are attracted to someone much younger. Sometimes you can't help it and it's just there. Age is nothing but a number but sometimes, you gotta think about it. Sometimes these "age" will get you lock up or label you as a "child molester" even if the minor agrees to involve themselves in a relationship with you. On the safe side, you should distant yourself from him and find someone who's older and on the same page with life as you are. What possibly can a fifteen years old offer you at that stage of his life? The way I see it, he's just starting to open his eyes and experience the world. If you were to involve yourself with him, I think you have more to lose than to gain.
I truly believe that age is just a number. You can't put an age limit on love, dear. You just can't.
I'm always in just the opposite situations.
I'm really mature for my age, and so I have friends that are from one to four years older than me. And I usually end up getting HUGE crushes on people who are in college, or sometimes, as it might happen, my teachers. (I swear, they're getting younger and younger these years.) To me, it wouldn't be wrong. Just as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.
<3 Nicole
it's not necessarily odd. it may feel odd because he is a minor. just don't act on those attractions. that will make the situation worse. i wish you the best of luck!
6 years is quite a big difference. Maybe you like being the leader or you like to take care of people (since you grew up with a younger bro). Try to forget him and find someone around your own age whom you can also take care of.
ok well i kno a 21 yr old tht in love with 14 yr old he wants he move in with her when she turns 18 and all tht and i think tht is sick as fuck i mean come grow up and be with someone around ur on damn age i meant ht shit is sick as fuck tht is tht is like rap times 10 i mean i have never liked someone tht much under than i mena just grow up and be with someone ur own age ight
xXxMAMA2BExXx
@XxXMama2BeXxX@xanga - ...what?
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Agreed. Meet up 3 years from now? While there are exceptions it's very likely that at 15 he's probably not on your level of maturity. He's got his on high school/teenage stuff going on and you have your adult world to deal with.
Take yourself out of that situation if you can't "handle" it (hormones vs maturity)....you don't want to do anything that will get you into trouble...and yes 16 is the age of "consent", but the parents can still press charges if they want to. I wouldn't blame them if they did if something happened.
Now a 6 year gap in age isn't that big of a deal, with me I never wanted to date anyone over 4, but the age that they are is different...like to me a 20 and a 26 year old is a different situation that a 18 and 12 year old...get what I mean??? It's all maturity...child/teenager vs adult....it gets VERY complicated and to me, personally, i think it's wrong.
And like you said....you are a women and he is a boy. You know it's wrong and wouldn't work out...don't put yourself through it.
Blessed Be
Woah...down, cougar...haha just kidding.
Six years wouldn't be a big deal if he were legal. Do you just find him physically attractive, or do you actually like him as a person? Either way, he's off limits. And he probably thinks you're too old anyway
you know how some boys are.
Personally I've never found anyone more than two years younger than me attractive. Cute, if I put myself in the mindset of a teenage girl, but never actually interested. And those two guys that were younger were very tall and pretty mature, so I often forgot about the age difference.
@XxXMama2BeXxX@xanga - what?
it's only a six year difference. but he IS only fifteen. if you still have the hots for him in a few years, go for it. i don't think it's weird -- i just wouldn't act upon it.
Eh. It could be worse. I'm 15 and my nearly 20 year old friend says he's in love with me. Legal? Nope. Weird? It depends. We went to school together; he was 18 when I was 14 and we ate lunch together everyday for awhile. So I don't think it's that weird, since we met in that setting. Buut it's still illegal. I think it usually goes that way--younger girl and older guy. I dunno though; that's just from my experience.