Thursday, 08 January 2009
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My Friends Think We've Moved In Together Too Soon
This is a guest blog submitted by shasha0406.I've been with my boyfriend for six months and I can definitely say I'm in love with him. Here's the thing. We moved in together about a month ago. I couldn't be happier and he seems very happy, too.
Most everyone - all my friends, extended family and his family - thinks this is too soon. However, my parents, brothers and grandmother are behind me 100%. My mom and dad even rented a truck to help me move my stuff into our apartment. His parents and grandparents support us, too.
I know that based on society's rules, we did move in together too soon, but we are both very happy. We are splitting all the bills and it's a very co-operative situation.
Do you think it was too soon? Should we have waited until we had been together a year or more?
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- From: Shasha0406
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Comments (61)
If you two are mature enough to handle it and the fact that one isnt living off or just living with the SO because they dont anywhere else to stay. That's a great thing.
Good luck.
Xo
I've heard of people being happily married after only knowing each other for a few months while some people need all the time in the world. Do what works for you.
I think that it's too soon. My, now, husband and I knew each other for 8 months before dating then after a year of that then we moved out together....and even then SOME people thought it was too soon because I just graduated high school. Anyway...you guys are still in that whole "puppy love" time in your relationship....6 months is basically NOTHING (when it comes to time) in a relationship. There is a lot more that you need to learn about each other before moving it and 6 months is def not enough time to do that!
It's great that you guys have done the whole compromising with the bills and all, but from this early in the relationship things can turn sour very quickly. It seems from reading, that you guys hardly know each other for moving to a level for moving in with each other....trust me moving out can wait! :) Now i could be wrong and you could be one of the VERY FEW that actually have the relationship work...i don't know much of the whole situation and all so i can't really give you much input other than this. sorry.
Blessed Be
my husband and I started seeing each other in March of 2006 and we'd moved in together by August of 2006...we've lived together ever since and we got married this past July...
it definitely does bring you even closer together(though we clicked like nothing I've ever felt, from the start)...but, it can make it difficult to imagine ever breaking up(which can be a great thing--but is there such a thing as being too close?)Personally I think it depends on the couple. There are going to be people who feel it's too soon for you to be moving in together and frankly that's their opinion which they are entitled to, but what matters is that you two are happy.
Well, to be honest, me and my girlfriend moved in together after maybe dating a week. Scary, strange, and a bit fast, I know, but we've been together almost two years now, so I think it worked out pretty well. We had a lot of our arguments a little sooner, and our relationship probably moved a little faster than others, but it depends on the couple if it works out or not.
thank you everyone for your comments!
All that matters if it feels right for you. This is why I don't ask people for relationship help unless I really need it. They mess with my head and try to tell me what makes me happy.
Eh...it would be way too soon for me, but I can't say that it's too soon for you two. Some people get married after three months and are happily married for years; others aren't ready to marry even after years of dating.
I will say this though --the mindset you have on living together can have an effect. If you're living together with the mindset of giving him a "test run" to see what living together is like, it might not be so good in the long run.
Studies have found that people who live together before marriage tend to have more marital problems/divorce rates later. Much of the problem is that people tend to put less effort towards resolving conflicts/issues, since they sort of feel like they have an escape route if it gets too bad --then this sort of thinking carries into marriage.
It is possible to make it work; only you and your boyfriend can decide that. Good luck!
I think for the most people will say too soon. When people move in with each other, they will discover the bad habits. It's a human thing.. not only couples but friends will too. Hope when the time comes, you can talk to each other. Just make sure you can understand you are living with each other and not living in each other. That's a big difference!
@unvolume@xanga
I couldn't agree any more.Do what feels right to you because the relationship you have is entirely different than another couple's. If five or six months works for you and both of you are quite responsible about it all...Then that's the perfect timing for you two.
Congratulations on your successes so far.Don't let others bring you down.
I guess that in some instances couples can move together early into the relationship and have it work out. That said, I think it's a bad idea the majority of the time. Being together six months is practically nothing in relationship terms and there's still so much that you don't know about each other. Not to mention, you've only been living together a month which is only a short time so it makes sense that things are still going well.
Moving in is a huge step and doing it after less than half a year just seems like a really bad idea. Anyway, it's kind of irrelevant because you've already made the step. So best wishes to you. Work hard at it and hopefully things will continue to run smoothly!
I think it's too soon. But then again, I'm not big on cohabitation anyways. I don't think people should live together before they're married.
Wahoo! Inspiration for a new post. I think I'll talk about moving in together. And to answer your question, (aside from the obvious, depends on the couple, as pointed out already), I don't think it's too soon. Moving in together has a lot of consequences, but honestly, I think they're positive consequences, even when it causes things to go poorly. And if it continues to go well, great! There are definitely times when you should NOT move in with someone (when one partner or the other is manipulative, because moving in will increase their hold and influence), but this certainly doesn't sound like that. Stop by my blog later today and I'll talk about it more I think!
My fiance asked me to move in with him (and move with him to another city) at 6 mos. We didn't do it until a year because of how his master's program worked out, but I was fully ready to move in with him. We'er getting married in 5 mos and couldn't be happier (just bought a house, too!) It's only too soon if YOU think it is. Forget everyone else.
-Katie
My SO is in the process of moving out of his roommates house, and back in with his parents. He has always joked about us moving in together, but since he's really moving, it was an actual consideration. I said NO WAY. My last relationship lasted 14 months, and I did not live with him. I can only imagine how much messier our break up would have been if we had lived together. So, personally, I won't move in with my boyfriend for AT LEAST a year.
If it works, great. If it doesn't, live & learn.
Good luck. =]
I THINK YOU DID IT DWHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS BEST FOR U ITS YOUR LIFE SO NO ONE OPPIONS MATTER ME AND MY FIANCE MOVED IN TOGETHER AFTER A YEAR AND PEOPLE COMPLAINED BUT MISERY LOVES COMPANY THATS HOW I SEE IT
I don't think its too soon, if it feels right then its right for you. I moved in with my bf after knowing him for about 3 months and we're still together a year later. So just be ready to work through your fights and make sure you both are dedicated to the relationship 100%. Good luck!
I can honestly say that you guys didnt move in together to soon. You guys are happy and thats all that matters, and you have your main people behind you supporting you so be happy. Forget what society thinks because at the end of the day its your LIFE!
Thank you once again for all the wonderful comments I really appreciate them all!!
@awokenfatality@xanga - THAT IS SO TRUE BECAUSE HOW CAN THEY HELP U IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP IF THEY ARE NOT PART OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
It's too soon for me but if you two are happy and compatible with one another, why not? Live for today with no regrets and if you make mistakes, learn from it. There's going to be ups and downs but just communicate and compromise with one another. As long as your love ones supports you and if people talk, let them talk. It's your life at the end so live it as you please.
Nonsense. If you're happy, thats all that matters, plain and simple. :) (And the fact that you sound like you entered into this cohabitation in a mature way doesnt hurt either) Congrats, and enjoy it!
I moved in with my husband after 6 months of dating. Sure, a lot of people thought it was too soon. But in less than a month we'll be celebrating 4 years together and our 1st wedding anniversary. Things are still wonderful. It is your relationship and if you feel ready to live together, then you should do so. I lived 200 miles away from him, and after spending 3 weeks with him while his family was on vacation, we decided instead of waiting until we'd been together a year to move in, that I would move in then.
If you are happy, in love, compatible, etc, then you should enjoy yourselves and spend time together. I honestly think people SHOULD spend time living together before marriage, regardless of what studies say, because what if you find out once you're married you just totally cant stand one another and the way they live?
Do what works for you TWO (not others). Arranged marriages in other countries, they do it even quicker, meet once and marry/move in! And records say that arranged marriages have like a 10% chance of divorce whereas marriages of your choice end up in divorce 50% of the time.