Dr. DatingishI've been with my boyfriend for two years and a few months now, and our relationship has been a wreck. The first month we were together was awesome, but when we got back to school, the next year and a half was a total breakdown for me. He would ask girls out, flirt, go to parties, ignore my phone calls and just pretty much treat me like crap...but he never cheated. We broke up twice during those months, but the last one in May was the serious one. I ignored his phone calls and talked to another guy whom I really liked so I could get over him. This went on for two weeks. And as I was ignoring him, he kept begging to come back. Finally, I gave in and we got back together.
The past five months have been great - he's changed
a lot. He's not ditching anymore, no drugs or smoking, and he's way more responsible now. He treats me so much better and doesn't even hang out with the his "bad" friends. But the thing is, I sometimes get super bitchy at him! The little things he does that piss me off would usually result in my telling him to stop, but now, I am going over the top. I think it's because sometimes I recall all the times he treated me like shit and I just wanna take revenge. But I'm working on my attitude, and I think I'm pretty good now.
About two weeks ago, we had a huge argument because I was a "super bitch" and I got mad at him for taking a picture of this girl I hated. It was a quick snapshot of her and everyone around him, and it wasn't really a big deal at all - I overreacted just 'cause of how he used to be. So I'm still stuck with the way he was before, which I shouldn't be, because he has already changed.
I started yelling at him and was ready to leave his house when he suddenly grabbed me. I was cussing him out and telling him that I wanted to leave and to let me go, but he wouldn't. That just got me more pissed and I started telling him a lot of stuff. Suddenly, I just didn't care if he got hurt and I told him:
"The days you messed around when you were with me, I was out sucking off other guys, so we're fair!"
Which was a total lie! I never did that, but I said it thinking that he would get hurt and let go. But he didn't. He yanked me by the hair and dragged me to his room. He slammed me on his bed and held me by the throat. He hit me twice and I knew he wanted to choke me, but he was trying his best not to do it hard. Then he held me close and said sorry, but he had a knife in his hand behind me.
I was begging him not to do anything because I think he was either trying to kill himself or me.
I love him a lot,
a lot, and I know it was my fault he acted like that. I was being really messed up.
I know he wouldn't treat me like that on purpose, but I'm also scared of what has happened...what do I freakin' do?
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Comments (193)
YOU NEED TO GET OUT.
End of story.
Okay, you love him but you cannot be with him at this point. If you love him enough, you will get him some help. It's not really enough to just get out, but that's the first thing you have to do. He needs help. People dont just act like this for no reason. He might need some type of medicine, or maybe just counsling.
Take his actions to heart: how hurt are you? Pretty hurt I would guess. That's a sign that you should leave.
ASAP
I didn't even read your post...the headline alone caught my attention and made me so angry. I was in an abusive relationship and now I'm going into a profession to teach people that THEY DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THAT. No matter what, if someone hits you, it is not your fault. You need to get out and get out now. As soon as it happens the first time, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. You can find someone who loves you and doesn't hurt you...it just takes time. I was abused for 3 years and now I found the love of my life.
LOL. zomg. no, it's not your fault.
props to getting even with him [x
1) its not your fault
2) you need to stay away from him and let someone know
don't feel sorry for him, that was already a close call - don't let that opportunity come up again!
For one, you need to stop keeping score. Second, even though I think both of your guys' behavior is immature, it is not your fault that he did that to you. I agree with everyone else who has said that you need to leave immediately. And just completely cut him out of your life. Your relationship has been rocky from the beginning but you claimed that he has changed. Stop making excuses for him and stand up for yourself. I believe that you are smart enough to know what is right and wrong in a relationship. You don't know what might happen in the future if you continue to stay with him. He's hit you once already, who says he won't do it again? And don't stay because you think he might kill himself. Get him help if you think that's the case. He sounds like he has some issues that he needs to work out.
Good luck.
You should definitely leave that relationship. It's not worth getting in to an abusive relationship. I should know I once was the abuser , but not anymore due to lots of therapy. A lot went through my mind when I used to abuse my ex. She never talked to me ever again until just recently when I bumped in to her at the mall. That's when she realized that I had changed. All i have to tell you is if he doesn't change just leave him for good. And probably file for a restraining order.
How can you love someone who obviously never really cared. Cos if he cared then he wouldn't of done the things he had done to you, and deff wouldn't of hurt you physically..
Totally get out, and Call the cops... Cos if he had it in him to try and hurt either you or himself in front of you, he is wayyyy to unstable to be trusted around people...
Good luck dear..
Regardless of how you acted it didn't give him an excuse to smack you and threaten you with a knife. You shouldn't have gotten back into a relationship with him if you weren't over what he did to you in the past. I think you're reacting the way you are and being "super bitchy" because you are still hurt from what he did to you. But that is no excuse for him either to lose control over his emotions. It sounds to me that he has some problems too that he needs to overcome before he can get back into a relationship with you or with someone else.
It is not your fault he smacked you; it's his fault. He is responsible for his own actions even if you did something to bring them about. What you did may not have been right either, but how he reacts is his own responsibility; you are responsible for your own actions, not his. I'm not going to tell you to back out of this relationship, nor am I going to tell you to stay in it. That is your decision and only you can decide what is best for you.
I think there are a few things wrong here. He seems to have anger issues and you haven't truly forgiven him for what he did. What he did was hurtful, yes. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to do to me what your boyfriend did to you. But, you have to come to grips with reality here and accept that what he did was indeed wrong and that it is in the past and that he has shown that he is willing to change and make up for his mistakes. Forgiveness is key if you want to move on and be happy in this relationship with him. Also, talking with him about this might help as well. God bless!
End it. His behavior is inexcusable and dangerous no matter what you did.
First thing, you need to dump him right quick. get out of that relationship like you had intended to do 5 months ago. You had made the right decision but were somehow coerced back into a relationship with him because you believed that you did love him and maybe even felt obligated. I went through the exact same thing with one of my ex's. I broke up with him after almost two years and him mostly treating me like shit. But he begged and begged and I couldn't bear to see him so sad and pathetic and i did care for him so we got back together. But i soon was the same as you; everything irritated me, i got pissy and bitchy.
It's not because i couldn't forgive him, it is just because i was already over him and had been for some time. Its like the thing guys do when they don't want to be with a girl but dont want to do the breaking up part; they act really badly so the girl will break up with them. Subconsciously i knew, and you did too, that you couldn't be in the relationship anymore. That is made even MORE clear by his despicable behavior. It doesn't matter what you said, true or not, that is never an excuse to hit ANYONE much less the person you're in a relationship with.
So no, it is in no way shape or form your fault that he hit you. Call the cops on him, tell your parents, older brothers, friends so that they can help keep him from getting to you. he sounds like he needs some help but from a professional, not you. You deserve better then that.
Jesus Christ. Honey, stop asking questions and RUN LIKE HELL.
NOTHING you do "makes" someone hit you. The ONLY justifiable reason to hit someone is to defend your physical person. Your boyfriend is an abuser. He abused you in one way and now he's found another.
Please leave. Please. Now.
I agree with mostly everyone here.
Even if it was your fault, in this case it's not, he should NEVER hit you. You should leave immediately. If he hit you now, he'll hit you later and apologize and tell you he loves you.
Well if he loved you, he would have never hit you in the first place.
Sure you overreacted, but he shouldn't have physically abused you.
My gosh a knife? not to sound critical, but he needs some serious help.
speaking as a person who has been in an abusive relationship, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
i don't care what you said to him, he has NO right to hit you. EVER.
& i know that you love him but making excuses for him is just going to allow him to take control of you. an abusive person, no matter how much he may love you, will always be an abusive person.
wow you both need to stop
and seek some serious help
like i mean some outside help
maybe the cops
You need to leave the relationship, AND you need some crash courses in shit not to say. He's wrong for hitting you, but you're a cunt for trying to hurt him back like that. You're lucky you didn't get killed.
Grow up. Just like you wanted him to.
There is absolutely NO good reason to let a guy hit you. Ever. Unless you were hitting him first, then that's a whole other story. You need to get out of that relationship.
what the? it doesnt matter if it was your fault or not. even if he didnt mean to, that was his instinct. theres nothing right about it. he's up to no good.
Three words for you: GET OUT NOW!!!! No questions asked get out of the relationship. Period.
THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE, FOR A MAN TO HIT A WOMAN!! IF HE DOES IT ONCE HE WILL DO IT AGAIN!!! THIS IS ONLY HEADED FOR DESTRUCTION!! YOU KNOW YOUR SELF-WORTH, AND IT'S NOT HIM!! LEAVE, NOw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's both of your faults. mostly him. but you too. you shouldn't have gotten so pissy about something like that. you shouldn't have made something up just to piss him off. he shouldn't have dragged you, by your hair no less. or try and choke you. or hold a knife so threateningly that you were afraid for your life.
you both need to not be in a relationship. he's unstable, and you've got baggage. get over your baggage and move on. get him help.
Men should NEVER hit their women. PERIOD.
It's like the golden rule!
Break it off, honey! You can find a man who will respect you more than that.
You two should either work it out in correctly or break up.
Leave/
Uhm. WOW. Are you crazy? Hun that is NOT your fault that he hit you. No matter how angry you make a person that you truly love is it EVER acceptable to do what he did to you. That is complete bullshit and you should end things with him and be very careful about being alone. He needs some help and even if he gets it, it doesn't mean you two should be in a relationship. That is a huge no no. Don't blame yourself!!! Take what you did wrong and know to not repeat it. Don't express anger in your next relationship when fighting. Try to work things out and talk like adults. And don't ever let a guy hit you. Thats bs.