Dr. DatingishI've been with my boyfriend for two years and a few months now, and our relationship has been a wreck. The first month we were together was awesome, but when we got back to school, the next year and a half was a total breakdown for me. He would ask girls out, flirt, go to parties, ignore my phone calls and just pretty much treat me like crap...but he never cheated. We broke up twice during those months, but the last one in May was the serious one. I ignored his phone calls and talked to another guy whom I really liked so I could get over him. This went on for two weeks. And as I was ignoring him, he kept begging to come back. Finally, I gave in and we got back together.
The past five months have been great - he's changed
a lot. He's not ditching anymore, no drugs or smoking, and he's way more responsible now. He treats me so much better and doesn't even hang out with the his "bad" friends. But the thing is, I sometimes get super bitchy at him! The little things he does that piss me off would usually result in my telling him to stop, but now, I am going over the top. I think it's because sometimes I recall all the times he treated me like shit and I just wanna take revenge. But I'm working on my attitude, and I think I'm pretty good now.
About two weeks ago, we had a huge argument because I was a "super bitch" and I got mad at him for taking a picture of this girl I hated. It was a quick snapshot of her and everyone around him, and it wasn't really a big deal at all - I overreacted just 'cause of how he used to be. So I'm still stuck with the way he was before, which I shouldn't be, because he has already changed.
I started yelling at him and was ready to leave his house when he suddenly grabbed me. I was cussing him out and telling him that I wanted to leave and to let me go, but he wouldn't. That just got me more pissed and I started telling him a lot of stuff. Suddenly, I just didn't care if he got hurt and I told him:
"The days you messed around when you were with me, I was out sucking off other guys, so we're fair!"
Which was a total lie! I never did that, but I said it thinking that he would get hurt and let go. But he didn't. He yanked me by the hair and dragged me to his room. He slammed me on his bed and held me by the throat. He hit me twice and I knew he wanted to choke me, but he was trying his best not to do it hard. Then he held me close and said sorry, but he had a knife in his hand behind me.
I was begging him not to do anything because I think he was either trying to kill himself or me.
I love him a lot,
a lot, and I know it was my fault he acted like that. I was being really messed up.
I know he wouldn't treat me like that on purpose, but I'm also scared of what has happened...what do I freakin' do?
Got a question for Dr. Datingish? Send it to us at datingish.com/submit-post!
Comments (193)
I think you need to get out of that relationship.
I don't think its your fault but it's not going to stop. Some guys are just ruthless.
Um, wow. Yeah, you should never talk to him again. It goes word for word, or punch for punch, not word to punch. While it wasn't the best thing to say to the guy, he probably was going to kill you. You may want to get a concealed weapon license too with some shooting classes. Definitely go to the police though. Wow.
You need to get out of that relationship immediately.
No matter how ridiculous you act, it is inexcusable for your boyfriend to get physical. And if this is happening now, it will happen again. Things will probably not get better.
I will you well.
GTFO.
you can do either 2 things
number one the hardest of them: LEAVE NOW!!!! Domestic abuse is something that should never ever happen. Believe me I have grown up in a household where both my parents have taken knives to eachother, and eventually has led to me being hit. It all started with one hit. I knwo it would be incredibly hard and you would feel like you died, but I recommend this one. Based on personal experience, and 17 years of seeing abuse in my family, definitely this one.
2) you can wade it out and stay with him. It might have been a one time thing because he felt he almost lost you. What you said was wrong especially if it wasn't true and there is no way to prove that it wasn't so that was a bad idea to say. (oh well mistake are things you learn from). Talk to him, and try to work past the past. You neeed to be honest with him though and let him know that you still remember everything and it irritates you beyond all hell. But you need to get over that if you are going to be in a relationship with him and he is trying to be the better man.
Good luck.
You love him? After all that he's done? Even if he didn't "cheat" he might as well have... what's the point of asking other girls out?
You need to end this.
that was terrifying to read. right from the beginning he sounded awful, whether he's actually changed or not. I agree...you HAVE to leave. it's hard, but you have to. this relationship sounds dangerous and scary. I hope everything goes okay.
Hmm, sounds like both of you acted pretty shitty to each other.
I don't have much sympathy.
I'd like to add you need to tell him everything you just posted here and decide if you are going to forgive him or hold it against him, can't have it both ways, and he needs to not hurt you like that, it was reckless and dangerous.
You both have apologizing and thinking to do, either way.
No, being hit is NOT your fault. But the NEXT time he does it, yes, it WILL be your fault for not getting out the first time.
LEAVE.
Leave. Seriously, just leave. Don't let the violent cycle start now. There's no excuse to hit a woman, ever, unless she throws the first punch.
T_T
you guys both acted pretty stupid, but it is never okay to seriously threaten or physically abuse your partner. and, yeah, you were a bitch, but that doesn't mean it's suddenly okay or that you deserved it. you deserved a tongue-lashing perhaps, but physical abuse is a no-no.
as everyone has already said, leave.
@TakingxOverxMe@xanga - Agreed. GTFO immediately.
you need to get out. not just because of what he did to you, but because you're not treating him right, either... you guys are just feeding off each other's negativity, and it seems like the relationship isn't providing much joy for you anymore...
wow that's mature behavior from both of you.
You shouldn't harbor a grudge from the past if he made up for his behavior, and 5 months is a long time. You did overreact over something petty. I think you need to talk to him. No more trying to make each other mad on purpose.
Seriously, if you want to hop back into a relationship with a guy who treated you like shit in the first place, you need to forgive him completely and not put your anger on the things that he did to you in the past.
That was what was wrong in your current situation now.
You may overreacted and acted like a not so cool gf, but that does not give him any right to treat you that way either. Like all said, leave. If you continue to stay and he does this again, it will be your fault next time. And maybe next time, you won't be so lucky either.
You may love him (still) and may not have the courage to leave him but this time, do it for yourself and your safety. If he does this, no doubt - he will do it again.
Clearly just call the police and have that asshole arrested.
Wow leave and maybe call the police? That guy has danger written all over him.
Frankly, you're both dumb. Sorry. You should break up with him. You seem very incompatible as a couple.
I agree with what everyone else has been saying. You need to get out of that relationship. He sounded shady from the start.
anyways that rage he displayed is serious. that's been building up.
I personally wouldnt take that and I wouldnt have taken him back the first time.
Xo
@Not_a_real_site@xanga - "It goes word for word, or punch for punch, not word to punch. " Ooooh. Wise words :)
That was NOT your fault.
No matter what you (or anyone else ever) did, he is responsible for his own actions, and his actions were absolutely horrifying.
Even if he is suicidal, that would in NO way be your fault if he hurt himself. Suggest counseling (and maybe consider it yourself, so that you have someone to guide you through this), maybe tell his parents, but you need to get out of that relationship immediately. He is clearly unstable, stronger, and more violent than you. And as stated by JessxMaxine, it's probably been building up, and I doubt he was truly faithful the first time.
Stop blaming yourself. I did that for a long time, and it's just not true. You deserve so much better than that.