This is a guest blog submitted by a Datingish reader.There's this guy at school that is really obsessed with me, though it just started out with a little crush. I need advice on how to confront him or just advice on how to deal with it, so please comment.
Here's the story:
At the beginning of this school year, one of his friends came up and told me that he liked me. Honestly, not being mean or anything, he's a guy that will probably never have a chance with me. At first it was just a crush and I thought it was kinda cute, but then it got worse. Every time I stood up and he was around, he would stare at my butt. I know that's normal for guys but still, it's part of my story.
We are both in eighth grade and members of the high school band. Well, at the games we get the third quarter off to do whatever we want, and he'd take that time to stalk me every game. He and his friends would follow me and my friends around, which made me really uncomfortable. He also gets his friends to ask me out over and over again or he'll ask me himself; when I say no, he begs me to change my mind and asks why I won't just go out with him. After the football games, when everyone would go into the band room to put the instruments away, his friends would purposely push him into me in a way that I didn't feel comfortable with.
Also, when he found out that I was a basketball cheerleader, he tried out for basketball even though he had never played before - just to try to impress me and watch me cheer. He didn't make the team, but he comes to all the games. He also watches me like a hawk during class, and it really annoys me. It goes on way further than this, but I don't want to delve any deeper.
How can I deal with this or confront him? My friends have confronted him before, but he still hasn't listened. I realize that I might have to say something to him myself, but I don't even know how to start, let alone have a complete conversation to finally end this creepiness.
Comments (63)
If he makes you feel this uncomfortable, then go to the vice prinicipal at school. Write down everything when it happens and show the v.p. that there is a problem. At your age, maybe he needs to hear from an adult in charge that this is inappropriate.
him getting "pushed" against can probably count as sexual harassment.
don't you hate it when a guy hits on you and you don't return the feelings, so they get all creepy? I mean seriously, its like back off.
if a guy don't like me, I back off, I don't try and push myself into his life. :|
xo
be very up front with him, even if it's a little mean.
go straight up to him (and do it yourself, don't ask your friends to do it), and say, "i know you've liked me for awhile now, but the things you do are really starting to bother me. i've told you i wouldn't go out with you, and there is nothing that could change my mind about that, so i'd appreciate it if you'd back off, stop following me everywhere, and ask your friends to leave me alone."
At your age its about time that you seek help from an adult. Find someone to talk to him that has some authority over him so that he understands what he's doing wrong. This could be your principal or v.p., or even ask your parents to phone his to get this straight.
But before, make sure you're not overreacting. I know at that age people might want to believe they're being stalked when they're really not.
Good luck!
Try being a dick about it. Wave to him when you catch him staring, ask "YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?!" loudly whenever he's checking you out in a way that's very inappropriately obvious. If it's a power thing for him, this shows that you're not afraid or going to just put your head down about it, which sickeningly is what gets some guys off. If he really doesn't know what he's doing, a healthy dose of embarrassment in front of all his peers might make him understand, and if anything will help him in the future to realize how he shouldn't be behaving.
This is all assuming you're not exaggerating anything. If there's even a chance that you've just worked yourself up into a frenzy over it with your friends or something (which I see often), try letting the crush work its course first. But if any weirder behavior starts (lurking and waiting for you by himself outside your house, or when you're alone, sending you inappropriate messages or calling you incessantly, etc.) talk to your guidance counselor or even the police. Symptoms of deviant sexual behavior start young.
Seriously though (if I may edit), it sounds a whole hell of a lot like you're blowing it out of proportion. A lot of 8th-grade guys are just incredibly awkward. Some are studs that young, it's true, but most aren't.
You are going to have to tell him yourself, and I know how hard and/or uncomfortable that can be. I can't think of a way to tell him to back off either, but you need to tell him you're not interested and why and tell him to stop stalking you. If he doesn't stop stalking you, report him to the principal or someone else with authority to make him stop. He needs to realize you aren't interested and him stalking you like this is full out creepy and making you even more adverse to the idea of any kind of relationship with him.
wow, gimme a break. the kid's thirteen. my little brother's in the 8th grade too and trust me, they are just starting to figure out girls. just ignore them for now and in a few years, all the boys will have learnt some game and you'll find this incident very funny to look back on.
i agree with lingustic she is thirteen i mean come the kid likes u and he doesnt kno how to shw how he feels u think its stalkkin now but wait a few year when ur in high school u will think its cute when guy somewat do tht cause tht sometimes shows the care...so give the fuck over it and grow up
If he is making you uncomfortable tell him that. Say something like, "It's flattering that you like me, but you are making me very uncomfortable and I would like some space from you." If he doesn't get the picture, talk to an adult that knows both of you, like your band teacher.Â
Be a bitch towards him when he approaches out... Other than that, just ignore him.. Pretend as though he doesn't even exists..
i can only advise two options.
1. ignore it. he'll eventually grow up in 20 years
2. just tell you arent interested and never will be. thats all you can say,
regarding the annoyances you may feel towards this situation, you are just going to have to deal with it.
Let him know as soon as possible. I'm in a similar situation right now, except I'm a freshman in college and he's a year older than I am. He IMs me all the time. Trust me, you need to end it now. Try being nice at first and if he doesn't get the message tell him exactly why you don't want to be with him. Even if what you say is a little harsh, I'm sure he'll get over it.
If that doesn't work, tell your parents and maybe even the principle/dean of students if he's really making you feel uncomfortable.
there is a difference between a stalker and somone liking a person and overdoing it not knowing how to show the true feelings.. i agree, this may not be too dangerous but he is a bit overdoing it.
you will have to be brave and tell him to stop. but if he doesn't, the next choice is talk with an adult. i kinda liked the idea of one comment saying, be brave and face him in public like catching him staring at you, wave back and ask him loud enough for witnesses to hear....
this way if he turns out to be a "dangerous" stalker, you have witnesses to see what is going on. you will be able to have more people on your side.
but then again, he is probably just a kid that got a great feelings for you and reallyl ikes you but just does not know how to balance out the line between stalking and just expressing it.
in my opinion, i don't really think he is stalking. then again, now is a good time to catch him and have someone teach him the differences because what if he continue doing this to someone else as he gets older and beomces more dangerous.
don;t sit back and do nothing about it. DO SOMETHING.
go to one of your schools counslers or vice principle and tell them how you feel. or if you have good relationship with one of your teachers and them how you feel. if all else fails...tell your parents and have them go to the school admin.
If he's doing inappropriate things that go further than this (you said you wouldn't get into it), such as touching you, then he is sexually harassing you--as well as stalking you. You have every right to go to a teacher, the vice principal or a counselor about this to make this stop. I wouldn't waste time talking to him; I'd just go straight to the school administration.
I would tell him to stop because so and so. If not, I'll take it to the higher up to do something about it. Sometimes some situations is out of your hands and you have to depend on someone else (an adult in this situation) to draw the line.
But you have to remember, boys at the age is starting to discover about the opposite sex themselves. Maybe he just don't get the hint that you don't like him that way and he's hoping for a miracle to happen.
I don't agree with some of the comments here. Sure, I was shocked that he's only in 8th grade because you're probably his first crush or something, but he's old enough to understand that no meets no. Inform a teacher or guidance counselor at school. Perhaps when he realizes how creepy he's being, he'll stop. If he continues doing so, I would threaten him with a restraining order and if he doesn't give up, actually get one. That's just the first step.
go up to him and tell him to back off......and it doesn't matter if you're mean cause you've been nice all this time in telling him and he hasn't left you alone.....him and his frds need to grow up - i mean pushing him into you? c'mon.......anyways if he still doesn't stop then let your teacher or the principal know, you want to be comfotable in school - he sounds like an annoying distraction
you need to tell him straight up to back the hell off. if that doesn't work, you need to go to your principal, vice-principal, or school counselor and tell them about the intimidation and harassment. it's not okay, and you can't be nice about this!
i also had a stalker that i knew from junior high through high school. it was awful, and looking back now (i'm 25), i should've told the adults about it and let him be punished properly. now he's an adult and still has the same behaviors towards women, and has a job with authority over people. >_<
Go to the school authorities. What you're dealing with is harassment, and you don't have to put up with it. It's unlikely that talking to him yourself is going to work, as he's likely to see any attention you pay to him as furthering his cause. Really, you don't have to put up with his behavior. Tell a teacher or the principle of your school before it gets any worse.
He's just a child. Confront him again, and if he still ''stalks'' you, talk about it with the school.
@listen_to_The_Pixies@xanga - @Liera@xanga - @XxXMama2BeXxX@xanga - I agree with all of you that they are only 13 and that they are all kind of awkward at this stage. That being said, I'm not trying to start anything by saying that I think it's important to consider that she's feeling uncomfortable and that's what matters the most.
@sweetsweetsugarjunkie@xanga - That's true. I took that into consideration when writing my response, I feel as if i always need to just believe the person and give them advice accordingly, even if i'm inclined to think they're exaggerating or lying. That's why I told her to take the action I did (which is pretty harsh to begin with), but not to go so far as to scar the kid for life by making the police or guidance counselors talk to him. I really don't think that sort of action is appropriate considering his behavior so far. She's gonna be on the phone with the police at least once a month if that's her qualifier for dangerous - it happens A LOT with guys as you grow up, and it's honestly just annoying but harmless. He could have something wrong with him but there's no way to know and that's a terrible mistake to make.
yup, you need to tell someone like: your counselor, vice principal etc. You might have to confront him about his behavior to get him to stop. I've had friends who were those "creepy/stalkerish" guys who were genuinely in love with the girls they were stalking regardless of how we all discouraged the behavior. Some guys are just too sappy to let it go. Confront it and tell someone about it so they can get you the help you need.
Remember to be safe.
Tell him he needs to keep his space from you and he needs to focus on other things. If he won't listen, tell someone who can do something about it. I wouldn't worry about hurting him. It's only eigth grade, there are so many more years of guys you will have to deal with. You just have to show them your strong and your dead serious. They will back off.