This is a guest blog submitted by not_a_real_site.What does love mean? Is love fickle? I told her I loved her and she told me she loved me. Yet she is not here beside me. Nor do I want her to be. It wasn't that long ago that I did despite the fact that it had ended a year ago. But looking back at the relationship, I truly loved her. I thought I did. From the few conversations we have had since the breakup, totaling several hours despite their infrequency, she stated that she truly loved me. So...why aren't we together? It must have been a fake love. The evidence speaks stronger than our words and stronger than my feelings. It had felt so amazing, so wonderful, so perfect. It turned in an instant into anger, jealousy, and betrayal. How is that possible?
This having been said, it irks me to no end when people say "I love you". You don't love her. Where's the ring? When are you getting married? It is a lie. The truth being that you will break up sometime in the near future and "hate" her. So why say it? You are destroying the word. Its meaning decreases with every false "I love you" that exits a deceitful mouth. The only service these lies provide are misguided emotions and brainwashing. You say the words so therefore they are "true". The web of lies becomes thicker now, both parties lying to themselves and each other. The relationship will end because you were never in love in the first place. And all the lies that you told her, and she returned, cause a pain that cuts to your soul. As in my case. Could that have been prevented if we had not lied to each other?
Love is not a passing emotion that comes and goes on a whim. It is a compilation of emotions, actions and experience with a person. It is a thing that is alive and needs to be feed and cared for with diligence. Love does not die. It is banished from hearts by ignorance, selfishness and lies. But it still lives on, broken and bleeding. It can be fixed. If one makes the effort it will be stronger than it was before.
The moral of the story. Don't say you love me. Don't expect me to say I love you. Prove it. Show me you love me and I in turn will show you.
Comments (86)
it's show AND tell... like bringing your dog to kindergarten to make your friends jealous.
It is far more important to feel love.
I always tell anyone that I'm in a relationship to not tell me that they love me; make it so I never have to wonder.
i agree with you to a point. love is a strong word and a lot of times it has been tossed around like it's nothing. BUT it does mean a great amount between the two people. you can't just say, it's a lie when/if the people are indeed in love. it is always been easier said then done but i'm sure you can count the many ways your SO show by his/her actions which accounts for more.
Well, people do throw the word around a lot. but I know some couples that just aren't ready for marriage but really do love each other. They may be too young, or they need to wait until they are financially better off, or whatever. But they say "I love you" and for now, they mean it. Some love is forever. Some only touches us for a few moments. But just because a relationshop doesn't last, doesn't mean the two didn't love each other. They just didn't love eaach other enough to MAKE it last.
I agree, I believe so...I'm a little bitter about what romantics would call a "first love".
I mean, I can empathize. HE said he loved me, but that changed over a matter of months...and it's like ...."that's infatuation, not love".
But he didn't do it intentionally, I think he just didn't know any better.
What I mean is....I think it IS thrown around too freely nowadays. My friend's bf told her he loved her and I was thinking "it's been what...a month??? Two?"
It takes more time than that to love, and even longer to truly prove it.
Soooo....I don't think I can believe it very easily, myself.
Actions speak louder than words.
There was a couple who was very much in love. They were each others high school sweethearts. They got married. Spent ten wonderful years together. And then came the unexpected; they broke up. Was their love a lie? No. Did they truly love each other at one point? Yes. Love works in mysterious ways. Some love lasts forever. Some love only last for a certain amount of time. But what you felt and the way you show someone how you love them - it's still love. Even if you two are not together now, it don't mean that the love you gave him/her was a lie or was not love at all. Sometimes things happen for a reason or you meet someone to teach you a lesson in life. Only yourself really knew if you did love him/her.
amen. friggin amen.
I wish men do mean it when they say 'I love You but sadly not every man say it and mean it =( well the men that's been in my life are like that >.<
Amen!
@jeezshoua@xanga - I completey agree with you.
there is different stages of love. maybe she loved you as a friend and that's why things didnt work out?
xo
i agree that the term "love" is tossed around carelessly. But my boyfriend and I have been together for over three years and we are very much in love. Just because we are not engaged doesn't mean we aren't in love.
"You don't love her. Where's the ring? When are you getting married? It is a lie."
We are not financially stable enough to have the kind of wedding that we want to have. So we are waiting. It's not a lie when we say we love eachothe. It's a fact and the truth. We say it all the time. And we do show eachother. We leave eachother little notes. We buy eachother little gifts whenever we are out with friends and see something the other would like. He runs errands for my mom. I remind him to buy cards for his family's birthdays. We spend entire todays together, just hanging out. When I get out of the shower I write him notes in the steam on the mirror. He remembers to buy me the next copy of People without me even asking. We take care of eachother when we are sick.
Point is: Just because we aren't engaged doesn't mean our love is a lie. So stop assuming it is.
very true.
actions do speak louder than words eh?
The first guy to tell me, "I love you," and to whom I said "I love you" back, he ended up breaking off our "non-relationship" and going back to his then ex-girlfriend about two months later.
I had doubts because I messed up and got him to say those words instead of just waiting. I had confronted him about it many times, from the day after he said it, to the month after he said it, and then right before he told me he was still in love with his ex. It went from, "Yes, I do mean it," to, "Yes, I meant it at the time I said it," to, "I'm not sure if I meant it."
As for me, I meant it. I meant it with all of my heart, and the reason it was hard for me to move on for so long was because I knew I meant it. But since things are the way they are now, I've forced myself not to have feelings for him anymore. But I think inside I still do care, it's just that I'm still very hurt by the pain he's caused me.
Sometimes I wish I could just yell at him and tell him that he was a stupid liar for saying he loved me. But it's a new year, I decided to move on.
I second that!
well... I'm not sure whether I agree with you.
in a way you contradict yourself. you call this love a lie but you also claim that love doesn't die but can be banished. how do you know if it was banished or a lie? you don't.
I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I still love him, or so I believe. It hurts but I believe it was all real, though I'm not sure about him(he claims he doesn't anymore so applying your theory... it was a lie?)
I, on the other hand, don't think this feeling will ever truly die. I can see myself thinking about him years from now and still feeling it. from now on I guess I just have to make it hide, dull the feeling. is my love not real because he doesn't want me anymore?
I FEEL U COMPLETLY MY EX TA THIS DAY STILL TELLS ME HE LOVES ME EVEN THOUGH I AM ENGAGED AND HAVE A SON BY SOMEONE ELSE HE STILL TELLS ME HE LOVES ME BUT AT THE SAME TIME HE LEFT ME AND WHEN I TRIED TO GET BACK WITH HIM AD STOP JUST WELL U KNOW EVERY NOW AND THAN HE MADE IT CLEAR HE WASNT READY HOW CAN U LOVE SOMEONE AND NOT WANNA BE WITH THEM
You have eloquently described the feelings I have been trying so hard to express for a while now. I completely respect that kind of sacredness that you give to love because at the rate society is going, the real meaning of love seems increasingly eroded and lost. Thank you for this refreshing take on love :)
This is going to be a really long comment. First: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP. When I post the 8 stages, I will reiterate this point many many many times. Therefore, you can love and be loved, and not have a relationship last. Second: I distinguish TRUE LOVE, and TRANSIENT LOVE, though oftentimes you won't know until after. Yes, TRUE LOVE can fade, but it usually does not vanish the same way TRANSIENT LOVE does (ever fallen in love with a movie character? that's transient love). Thus I will leave you with a poem. I wrote it many years ago, though the inspiration comes from a poem I read when I was very young and have long since lost.
Love Is
Love is not just a feeling or an emotion; love is a being, something that lives in your heart and soul. Love has emotions, but love is not just one emotion, it is all of them. Love can be happy or sad; it can be comforted or lonely. Love can be happy when one looks into the eyes of their spouse to be and says, “I do”. Yet love is no different when one looks into those same eyes and says goodbye after they have passed away. Love is still love, but at times it can be sad. One can love many things, love is not divisible; it is exponential. The more one loves, the more love one has. A cherished parent, a beloved pet, or a loved friend are all love in love’s many shapes and forms. Love penetrates mind and body, heart and soul, through sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, but love does not part at death. It takes on yet another form, but is still love. Love can grow and blossom as the trees or it can falter and shed its leaves and cry, but love will prevail. True Love is Everlasting.
it's good to know there are others who feel the same way. thanks.
I have been told multiple times by multiple guys over the course of my dating life that they loved me. I still have yet to feel loved, though. Each guy would say it and within a matter of days, weeks, or months, they would find another woman to leave me for and "love" her. I wish people would reserve use of that word for when they really mean it.
i do not know what love is
i dont think i do
if i had truly loved, im sure i would have realized that
but guys do that all the time to me
they say 'I love you'
but
i dont SEE it
just curious if heart break is real?
Let me start out by clapping my hands!!..clap clap clap...you basically wrote everythin im feeling at this moment...difference is i actually meant i loved my ex gf-that im certain of...Love doesnt leave from day and night...so why do they say I love you if they really dont mean it??? whats the point in giving false hope? does it make them feel better for themselves? is that it?...just say "i like you alot"..if your uncertain of what you feel...the word "love" should be said if you truely feel it..not just to say it....with that said i agree "love" has lost its meaning with all the lies and games people play and then people wonder of What couldve been...once again, i give you mad props for this blog.."mi respeto a ti " 1 luv..
@whereISmySoulSkeleton@xanga - yea its real...if you loved someone been there for them durin rough times and happy times and the connection was real..and all of a sudden it ends without explanation..then yes heart break does exist..
aaahhh the cliche words of "I LOVE YOU"
I do believe this phrase with out emotion is thrown around carelessly. Its sad really.
Its strange to me... how can two people who have been together a matter of weeks simply just say "i love you"... Prove it, I say... Prove to be the one person on this earth who I am meant to be with forever. Prove to me that this time... this love will last
Here I am, going on an almost 2 year relationship with my fiance, getting married Friday 1/9/09 yet he did not express his love for me, he did not tell me he loved me till months and I mean MONTHS into the relationship yet I was eager to jump at those 3 little words that meant so much.
Love comes and goes but emotion, the degree of emotion can only be measured by actions!
I agree, but it's still nice to hear the words as long as you know they're true.