This is a guest blog submitted by ENDSILENCE.1. I think too much.To put it simply, I have more going on in my head in one day than the average soap opera. My mind is racing with thoughts about what I am doing this weekend, why that guy just bumped into me, why the sky is gray, why people do the things they do, why that person didn't wave back to me. Most of the time, you will find me with a dazed look on my face. You will wonder why I look like my head is up in the clouds. It's because I am thinking. About "stuff". That's all. In the midst of all that thinking, I find that it would probably be hard for a guy to approach me in the rare case that he wanted to. They probably think I have too much going in my head. Well, they're right for once.
2. I have low self-esteem.Come onnnnn. What girl doesn't? Okay, okay. I'd admit that sometimes I go a bit beyond the average bad hair day when it comes to my esteem. To put it blatantly, despite the opinions of the others around me, I think I am fat and ugly almost 90% of the week. Don't get me wrong, I still remain a pretty positive person, but I just don't have the greatest opinion of the way I look most of the time. I wear about a size 8-9, and the average person would say I am pretty or maybe cute, but most of the time I just don't see it.
It could be scars I still have left from my eating disorder, or maybe that I am too lazy to take proper care of myself. I'd admit that I could use a new hairdo, or shed a few pounds, maybe get a new outfit but it just isn't happening to me, mostly due to physical and emotional issues that are holding me back from getting to where I want to go. These are burdens that a guy does NOT want to deal with. Having a relationship with a low esteemed girl is probably a big no-no. Oh well.
3. I'm tallYep, that's a reason. And if you are shaking your head no at the computer screen then that is for two reasons. One, you are an average size girl who doesn't comprehend the challenges of being a tall girl in a community of adolescent boys. Or two, you are too old to realize the issue at hand. At the end of the day, as much as guys try to say it isn't a problem, being tall is a limiting factor in getting in a relationship. No guy wants to have to stand on his tip-toes to give his girl a peck on the cheek. Being practically 5'11" (more or less), I find it hard to to have the widest array of options when it comes to guys. Well, on the bright side, maybe someone in the NBA is single...or maybe not.
4. I don't go out much.It isn't exactly easy to snag a guy when you're stuck in your house all day watching the latest marathon of Gossip Girl on the CW. Okay, I'll admit I could use a little bit of help when it comes to my social life! My weekends are spent either at work or at my home doing absolutely nothing. It's relaxing at times, but sometimes it is lonely. I don't have the largest number of friends to call up on the phone, and if I did, most of the time they would be having plans with their boyfriends anyway. God forbid I become the third wheel, right? I am not the biggest partier either. This is mostly because my parents are strict and that I simply don't get invited to any to begin with. Well there's always me, myself and I.
5. I talk to myself."What's that? Were you talking to me?" Nope. I was just talking to MYSELF. I have more conversations in my mind than I do in real life. Most of the time, they consist of my angers and frustrations about the day. You will find me mumbling about why I am pissed off about my Geometry test 7th period or how pissed off I am that my best friend canceled on me when she promised she would come to one of my shows. I mumble all of my curiousities, all my thoughts, everything to myself. Yes, this is weird, and it makes me even MORE unapproachable to guys.
6. I don't care.Unless it's a Saturday night and I am alone in my bed cuddled up next to my teddy bear with a cup of hot chocolate and a peanut butter sandwich, not ever having a real boyfriend at 17 doesn't bother me. At the end of the day, guys just bring trouble to your life anyway. I am happily accepting of all my insecurities and quirks and wouldn't change them if I had the choice. There are things I would like to improve upon (like my self-esteem), but for the most part, these flaws are what make me the creative, unique person that I am. I just hope that one day, a guy will come a long who accepts me for me.
And if not, I could just be single forever. Ah, don't put that thought into my head!
What factors do you think might hinder YOU from getting into a relationship? What qualities do you have that guys might find as a "turn off"?
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Comments (186)
This sounds exactly like me. To the T. Which is really, really weird.
1, 2, 4, and 6 are exactly me. 5 would apply too, if I didn't limit talking to myself at home and at work (where everyone else does it too).
I've never understood why people are so hung up on having a boyfriend or girlfriend. A lot of people in a community I'm part of started "really" dating when they were 13-14. Here I am at 19, at home on Friday and Saturday nights, right where I want to be.
Hey, I match all six of your reasons for not having a boyfriend! I didn't have a boyfriend until I was almost 18, so you shouldn't worry too much about being single.
I think one of my worst qualities is that I get too attached too fast. I don't know if the guy's serious about me or not, but the fact that I'm clingy can drive away people ><.
i didn't have a gf until i was 17. it's been downhill ever since.
i think your list coincides with some guy's ideal woman list. well, maybe not the low self-esteem thing, though. guys may not list that as a desirable feature, but it sure is.
just don't overdo it... and definitely don't expect to FIND it in the relationship. of all things, you have to bring that to the table, yourself.
oh, oops. was this for women, only? PARTY-CRASHER.
I was kind of like this at 17. Except for the tall part, as I'm only about 5 feet tall. But boys don't always necessarily bring trouble. The guy I was with at 18 was a nice addition to my life. I got out more, and I felt so much better about myself around him. I imagine that's why I'm with him now, at 22.
haha, I have quite some limiting factors as well, but I've been in a long term relationship for 2 years now so....idk.
I match all those reasons, darling, but not having a real boyfriend isn't a huge deal. (; Trust me, most of the relationships before/during high school are meaningless and full of crap, anyways. ahha.
I'm almost 25 and I've never had a girlfriend. It's not really a big deal to be single - society places pressure on people to pair up. If you're not ready or haven't found the right guy don't worry about it. You're still very young and life has a great deal more to offer than just romantic relationships.
or maybe you're 17 and quite young. chill about the man, woman. you dont need one so just chill.
I think that boys not only hate it when you're tall, but when you're tiny as well. I'm 5'2'', and even though I wear heels a lot to try and be the same height as everyone else... I think my height might have something to do with boys generally not wanting to date me.
<3
I am just too shy.
Except for 2 we are pretty much the same! oh and I'm usually quiet. of course I know what I want and I haven't really met anyone who met my standards .... at least at my school. I'm pretty okay with waiting though.
and don't worry, no one's single forever unless you choose to be!
I understand most of what you're saying here, because it sounds like me three years ago (except for the tall part). And I can tell you that the only thing keeping your self-esteem low is fear. Fear that you'll make a fool of yourself, that you're awkward, etc. I have a lot of friends now and I almost always have plans for the weekend, but it wasn't always that way. I've learned to give up that fear - it's actually better to put yourself out there than to live your life wondering if you look okay. I still mutter to myself, though. :) I try not to, but old habits die hard. My self-consciousness used to be like a security blanket. I grabbed it whenever I felt that fear, and I hid it sometimes beneath a surly attitude. I didn't meet any boys - or girls for that matter - that way. I don't have a boyfriend now, but I do have guys that are friends, and that's more than I could say for myself a few years ago.
Now I still have a lot of unappealing flaws, but I choose to live with them and try to be the best person I can be instead of dwelling on them and letting myself be the worst person I could be.
Cuz... um... no one really has a "real" BF/GF when you're 17.
i agree with so much of this! this kind of described me... alot. being single doesn't really bother me except for when i need a date for dances or when i see a couple being cute in the parking lot after school.
i've heard i'm intimidating. and i also hear from sooooo many girls that i am gorgeous (one of my friends has told her boyfriend about how "perfect" my body is. ooook then), which brings up an interesting point that i've heard: that guys only go for the moderately pretty girls, not the ones who are stunning or not very pretty at all. so i guess (i don't really believe i'm that pretty... i think i'm kinda blah) that my looks may be intimidating? i don't really know.
I'm 22 and just now getting into my first real relationship. There has been dating in my past - not much - but just enough to help me realize that it doesn't really matter. People are socially pressured to find a mate and be in a happy relationship; I've never understood why it's so socially unacceptable to be a happy, single girl. I have fun with it, I love my friends, my space, my silence and my chances to find myself without any hand holding. I've labeled myself the pretty spinster, because to people, that's what I am... except I am truly happy alone, and they don't get it.
Eventually, someone will come along, even if you're not looking. Someone that will accept you for everything you are and be completely fascinated by you. Until then, enjoy yourself.
oh, and you're YOUNG.
Besides that...
lol. Not to be hard on you, but you are stuck in one sphere of people. When you go to college the world opens up and there are so many choices... and people who like all sorts of differences in a lover.
So chill, young'n.
It could just be because, y'know, you are 17.
Dude, you are seventeen. No one is in a real relationship at 17! If you were 40, I'd be concerned. But since you are nowhere near that, you are way too young to think that that's actually a problem. You don't need a man right now, so focus on dealing with the issues you outlined. That way, when you do get into a relationship, you'll be a(n emotionally) healthy, happy (and therefore much better) girlfriend.Â
Yea, 17 is still relatively young. You got plenty of time.
I didn't get my first real girlfriend until 17. I then had a lot of good luck or something because from that point until I was 21 I pretty much had a girlfriend the entire span. However, I think I lost my mojo this past year haha. Hopefully I'll find it again in 2009.
Everything but 2 (and even a little bit of 2, actually) applies to me. I'm 20 and I've never had a "real" boyfriend! And I used to go through phases of wanting one and not wanting one. I'm back to not caring, though.
Basically, I wouldn't call it hindering, but what's keeping me from even dating is priorities (finishing school first) and high standards. My attractions to guys (at least the serious attractions) are very selective--what one girl may be satisfied with is simply not good enough for me. It's not things like a high-paying job or a nice car, either, just a lot of great qualities and similar interests. A guy that I would find intriguing and not so predictable. I've yet to find that guy. And if I do find a guy I like, he usually doesn't feel the same. Also, I've been told that I look intimidating and unapproachable sometimes. Well I'm not looking for a coward, so I don't mind.
But whatever. I'm in no hurry to date or get married.
@LaBellaMorena - hahah i agree.
at the age of 17, you're still just dating and plus, why don't you be a little bit more confident in yourself. I think confident kicks ass. Everyone has issues, why continue to fill your head with them? Think of what draws them in and work on that instead. ;P
Don't worry about it. Think about it this way: There's only one man that you really have to date. That one. You know? Why waste your time with all those stupid boyfriends when there's that one special guy you're meant to be with.
Im all of those well not being tall. and i have a boyfriend, just find someone that like you for you.
AND!!!...
to all those people saying that 17 year olds cant have a "REAL relationship" thats not true, Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a two years and we meet at 17...so shut up!!!
You are young. I don't think most people who do have relationships before 17 are that serious anyway.
You also mention that you are a size 8/9. But you are also tall so Im sure you look great.
I think guys rarely approach me bc I'm so quiet/shy and it may come off as either i am not interested in them, or they think I'm boring and they notice the loud chick instead...ahhh the life of the introvert