This is a guest blog submitted by SWEETxN0VEMBER.
As I was growing up, I never thought I would have sex until I was married, of course. That idea was implanted in your head ever since you became interested in the opposite sex. But I didn't start to date until at least high school whereas everyone else seemed to date in middle school. I thought some boys were cute, but I was often too shy to ever say a word because I was scared of what would happen if they ever found out. But seriously, two things could happen 1) he could feel the same or 2) not be interested. Oh, being on the verge of growing up.
I had my first BF in tenth grade, and I was really naive and innocent. He was three years older than me and had way more experience in the relationship department. We dated for about a year and had been through so many rocky roads together. He was my first love, or at least I thought it was love. He's the type of guy that parents hated and my parents hated him. My dad never really says much, but I knew he didn't like him. When that relationship ended, my mom was overjoyed and proud. Because he was my first BF - my first everything - he was the hardest to get over.
I usually talk to my mom about everything and anything, but I always left out the sex part.
I am one to say that sex is a big part of relationships, but it's not the only thing that should be the main factor. I didn't tell my mom until much later that I lost my virginity when I was about 16 years old. I actually told her a year or two ago only (it was my brothers' fault for telling my mom I had "morning sickness," which got her all worried and running up the stairs to see how I was). I had to calm her down and tell her everything was okay; it was so weird back then to tell her, but it's okay - she knows now.
In my current relationship, surprisingly, my mom thinks we don't have sex and my BF is a virgin because I always tell her we don't do anything, ha! I don't know if she believes it now, but it's always going to be weird talking to your mom about sex no matter what. Every time she asks me, I always change the subject to something else or pick up something my BF bought me and tell her about it. I do understand where my mom is coming from because she believe more than half the male population just wants sex and nothing else.
I read somewhere that sex slows down once you are living together. It's somewhat true - I've found that when I am with my BF on the weekends, sometimes we don't do it but just enjoy each other's company instead. I don't know if anyone could do it every day because that is tiring, isn't it? I don't know; sometimes I find I'm too tired, so maybe that's why some married couples schedule sex. Hm, interesting.
Does anyone else talk to their parent(s) about sex and/or about having sex in your current relationship?
True 
Comments (70)
I would like to be able to but since my parents are slightly religious it would be conflicting with what they believe and what they raised me to believe which i ended up not believing!
the closest thing my mom said to me about sex was when i went on birth control to "regulate my period" lol. she told me that being on the pill doesnt mean that i could have sex with my then-bf.
i decided that when i have kids i'm going to talk to them about sex because i really feel it is important. school and friends can only do so much in the education department and i cant help but think that if i could of talked to my parents about sex maybe some things wouldn't of happened.
my parents have to know by 19, that im having sex with my bf, they just dont say anything.
i've never talked about sex with my parents ... it seems weird to talk with them ... but i think my parents knows i had already lost my virginity ~ i don't mind she knows but i won't tell them face to face ~
My mum has tried to talk to me about sex since I was like 14. I was always so embarassed by it. The older I got the easier it got to talk to her about it though.
Although it was an accident that she found out I had lost my virginity. I didn't lose it till I was 17. I was feeling sick and my period was late and my mum said to me "you better not be pregnant" I was like "well I f*ckin hope not." and the look on her face was priceless. Since then though it's been pretty easy to talk to my mum about sex.
mMe and my mum are close and when i first wanted to have sex i told her i wanted to go on the pill (aged 16) and she was cool about it, because i was being responsible! It sounds like your mum does know your having sex, because most couples do to be honest. Why dont you just tell her when shes asks? Your in a relationship, as long as your safe about it, i dont see the problem.
A couple of weeks ago my mom said that she wanted to "ask me something" and I'm kind of freaking out because I know exactly what she wants to ask. I'm avoiding be alone with her at all costs lol. I'm so glad for sex ed, it's so much easier to hear about that stuff from a cool teacher who gives you candy for getting the answer right than it is from your parents.
I never tell them how far I go. I told them I made out with a guy online, but not that we actually had sex three times . And I told my mom my last bf and I didn't go all the way, which was true, but I didn't tell her exactly how far we went. My parents are the wait for marriage types and very religious. I think they'd be very disappointed if they knew. But I'm 26, and if I want to mess around, that's my business.
The funny thing is, other than the topic of whether or not I'm having sex with anyone, my mom and I are quite open about sex. We talk about it quite a bit. I just haven't told her I'm not a virgin anymore.
But I guess the way I see it is, I don't want to picture them having sex, so they probably don't want to picture me having sex.
I even helped my mom give my little sister the sex talk, because my parents never me or my older sister.
I think its important to be able to talk about your sex life with your mom and dad.
Watch "Sex talk with mom and dad" starring Dr. Drew.
Xo
I don't talk to my mom about ANYTHING, and it would be exceedingly awkward to talk to my dad about sex. "Oh, yeah, btw, remember that guy you hated because he was black? Yeah, I fucked him. A lot. It was great. Every time."
Yeah, not happening.
I feel like my bf's sex drive slows when we're living together. Mine, however, does not. ^_^
I don't talk about it too often with my parents. I did however talk about it all the time with my ex's parents. At first it was awkward but I got used to it.
Me and my mom...We don't talk about those things and even if it does come up, we don't go into detail. I think the intimacy that is shared between a couple shouldn't be told in detail especially to a parent. That's just....weird. When I have kids, I'm planning to talk to them about sex and safe sex. I just see it as, I don't care if you're having sex with someone, just don't make a mistake that YOU KNOW you won't be able to take care of. lol SAFE SEX! xP
When I got my first serious boyfriend, my mother used to talk about sex with me every two weeks or so. Since I've adamantly insisted to her that I'm a virgin (despite not being one - I'm pretty much telling my mom it was immaculate conception when/if I do ever get pregnant), she laid off on the sex talks. I'm a little embarrassed to talk about sex with her since I lost my virginity at 15 when she was close to 22 when she lost hers.
I'm pretty sure my mom knows, though, that I'm at least sexually active since I've been with my current boyfriend for two years. She just doesn't know whether or not I've had sex with him.
Nope. No way. I can't even talk to them about crushes.
I had a similar experience. I didn't have a "real" relationship til i was in 10th grade...they guy was in the grade above me. Now we didn't really go out, but were FWB. I didn't really like that idea, but I was "innocent"/naive and believed him when he told me that we had a chance of becoming bf/gf. Looking back on it now...god i was a dumbass.
But anyway...I lost my virginity to him (and vise versa) when i was 16. I think my mom had an inkling that I had sex, but wasn't completely sure so she didn't say anything. With my other 3 boyfriends after wards...2 of them ha not a chance, while the 3rd one yes. Again I think that my mom had an inkling, but didn't say anything once again. Then came my now husband, she DEFIANTLY knew we were having sex. It was weird, she mainly just joked about it....i mean she did squeeze in there, "as long as you 2 are being safe."
Then when we were moving out she offered to give me her sex toys and all...now that was crossing the line (GROSS!) And yes, after living with each other and getting married, both of our sex drives slowly went down. I don't think it's that big of a deal since we were doing it like jack rabbits before haha....but we do have our days ;)
So i believe that your mom knows that you are had/having sex, she is just waiting for you to come to her....OR...she is that trusting that she believes you. I know it's embarrassing but once it done it's done :)
My mom tried to border-line blackmail me into admitting to her I wasn't a virgin after 18 years of ignoring the subject. It was just weird, I would have told her if she had just asked.
I really don't know why people find this subject to unapproachable. Why are we trying to suppress a natural part of love, relationships, and growing up?
Thankfully, I never had the "sex talk" with my parents. My dad is this very angry man and I know he'd be too embarrassed to ever talk to me about that. When we grow up, you always find out first from a friend or a cousin or someone at school. I remember the first time I heard about was because my cousins were having a "talk" and I couldn't be part of it because I was "too young". I sneaked and heard it all. Very shocking. But then we learned it at school. I'm glad my school had sex ed since 5th grade. It helped me a lot. Nowadays, my mom knows I know, my dad obviously thinks I know. My mom sometimes complains that she never had to give me this little book she has where it explains sex for kids. Haha, I saw it once, very original.
I suppose that, while you're young, you always want to keep that privacy to yourself. Oh and I'm currently single, and a virgin, and I don't like to say, "Oh, I'll had sex before marrying." I'm just saying, if it happens, it happens.
Hell no.
Different relationships though, I have friends who talk to their parents about it. I would rather walk through fire.
Sex does slow down when you move into together. If I could go back maybe I wouldn't have moved in so quickly with Mitch, but I was practically living with him as it was. Sex just takes more work, I don't really know why but it does. There are a lot of other pluses to moving in together though, things that deffinetly outweigh sex.
My mom only found out that I'm "sexually active" because out of the blue one day she went through all my journals while I was out with Mitchell. I came home and she shit a brick- it seems to me that most parents are hypocritical about the whole sex idea. My mom was married when she was sixteen, and I didn't lose mine until I was seventeen. I've had a terrible relationship with my parents ever since. My mom took it overboard; I was grounded for two weeks and she called my boyfriend's mom and yelled at her. She also told my extended family that I dropped out of school to get married-- I'm graduating at the top of my class, and while I do have a ring on my finger, I'm not "throwing my life away to sex".Â
Funny thing is, she's never brought up sex, unless she's yelling about it. She just dropped me off at an "adult doctor" and got me on birth control. :)
lol um the only thing my dad said about sex is do not trust guys they only want sex...
me:????
@StargazingSuzie@xanga - Oh, classic!
@EccentricSiren@xanga - I think you nailed it too! "
The funny thing is, other than the topic
of whether or not I'm having sex with anyone, my mom and I are quite
open about sex. We talk about it quite a bit. I just haven't told her
I'm not a virgin anymore.
But I guess the way I see it is, I don't want to picture them having sex, so they probably don't want to picture me having sex."
What I call it is practiced ignorance. To be honest, I truly wish I could be so open with my children (daughters particularly, double standard yes yes, so sue me). But the fact of the matter is, there's a disparity between desire and reality. I would want to 'protect' my daughters from the desires (or sins, if you so believe) of the flesh, and the heightened feelings and emotions (and consequences) that come with it. But I know it would be folly to pretend it won't happen and/or be so adamant about it that they won't be willing to talk to me about it.
Therefore, if I can, I will want them to talk to me openly about the SUBJECT... but I will never ask them directly about their own sex lives. Like EccentricSiren said... they don't want to imagine my sex life, and neither do I want to imagine theirs! Doesn't mean we can't talk about it, but it's okay to pretend like it doesn't exist, even though we know it does. Practiced ignorance...
My parents have always respected my privacy. Sometimes, they're more interested in knowing when all the big [stereo] boxes will move out.
When I graduated from high school, I was with my gf (who, incidentally, is now my wife). As this was my first serious gf, my parents threw down a sex-ed book, and said, "We don't want to become grandparents!"
My mom and I don't talk about MY sex life...more like my brother's. His girlfriend has been around and mom knows that. She's asked me if he uses protection. I assumed yes, then mom found out for herself one day that he does. She was taking his sheets off his bed and found a used condom. She was completely grossed out but glad to know he's being safe.
She's never asked me anything like that about my sex life. I guess she assumes I'm responsible which I am.
When I was young my mom sat down and told me the basics. She doesn't ask about my sex life, and I don't tell her, but if I needed to ask/tell her something regarding sex, I know I'd be comfortable telling her and she wouldn't feel uncomfotable hearing it. It's not taboo between us.
Better than than some of my friends' parents who never spoke to them about sex. There's no need to go into details about sex with parents (or anyway, for that matter, at least for me), but I think it's important for parents-kids to at least establish that it's not taboo. God forbid a bad situation such a pregnancy, STI's, etc. arises, at least you know your kid has a real rock to fall back on.
i tried to hide it from my mom but she figured it out and we had a very memorable chat. she bought me some books, one of which was "What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex," and got all teary and started crying and telling me how I was growing up (i'm the oldest daughter, and my mother never ever cries), so needless to say it was very uncomfortable, but we got it out of the way, and i know that if a problem ever occurred or a scare ever happened i can go to her, and that's nice to know.
my mom knows it all. i told her when i lost my v and when i was active. she made sure i was safe and told me that it was okay when i was upset. thats what moms are for, not to lecture you but to shape you and push you in the right way of your own life. i love my mom and im glad i can easily talk to her about sex
Since I've never engaged in it, I haven't. :)