This is a guest blog submitted by sick_of_this_bullshit.
So not only is Valentine's Day about a month away, but my BF's and my anniversary is less than two weeks away. I don't want to be cheap about it, and I am going to spend about $80-100 on the gifts for each occasion...but I was talking to my friend, and I realized it's almost a competition. Not for him, for me.
Last year, just three weeks after we started dating, Valentine's Day came. I asked repeatedly what he wanted, and he said nothing except a hug and a kiss. So I followed what he said, and I figured he would get me nothing either (and unlike crazy, psycho girlfriends, I actually would've been fine with that).
Then we met on Valentine's Day and he came towards me with a giant bag and a huge bouquet of flowers. My ex-boyfriend of two years had never done that for me, so I was surprised to get all that just after three weeks.
He gave me a massive Yale Shakespeare book with everything Willy The Shake ever wrote and took me out for dinner. It was magical, but I felt horrible 'cause I literally had nothing else for him except a hug and a kiss...not even a "Happy Valentine's Day" card. And I am not materialistic at all - I am all for making stuff myself - but I can't help feeling incredibly guilty, which makes me wanna make up for last year by getting something super awesome for him.
I don't know what he'll get for me; I just know it'll be much better than mine.
So now, I can either just be typical and cheesy and make a scrapbook or put a picture of us in a frame or I can be creative (which won't happen) or I can be loose with my money and buy something for him...
So questions:
1. What would you get for your SO for an anniversary besides scrapbooks, framing your picture, etc.?
2. Do you feel like you have to compete and get the better gift for your SO?
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Comments (38)
Buy what's in your budget. It is just another holiday after all... it shouldnt be the only time of the year that you buy your loved one something nice.
As long as its cute and thoughtful, who cares if it is not as nice as what your boyfriend got.
go crazy. make him something.
more sex than usual.
i get him either one big thing, or a lot of little things. it's not really a competition. if i see something that i know he'd love, i get it if i have the money. he does the same for me.
i'd say go all out for one and be creative and cheesy for the other. my boyfriend and i dont celebrate our anniversary (i'm too chicken to bring the subject up cause he'll think i'm cheesy and silly haha) so i cant really help there, although i'm assuming its your 1 yr anniversary so i'd go with a big thing for that rather than valentine's day...what do you get guys for valentine's day other than something cheesy??
i dont think the gift giving is a competition...although i did get him the awesomer gift for christmas haha, not that i care, i like the necklace he got me. i think that he feels like he got a crappy gift though even though i told him i like it...making it a competition is silly. i think i enjoyed picking out his present (once i knew what to get) and seeing his reaction more than receiving a gift, it made me happy to make him happy, and i think thats what matters the most
Oh fuddy duddy... is valentines day that close? Single again... ANYWAY.
1. But I'm a guy, so I do what he did. Flowers, romance, poetry, food, surprise, hug and a kiss. My ex wasn't materialistic at all, and after a few years we didn't really do much in the way of gifts. A nice card with some heartfelt writing was usually enough. Some of the big name items I got her over the years was a laptop and a cruise (and an engagement ring, but that doesn't really count, does it?), but neither of those gifts were for a special occasion.
2. With my ex, definitely not. But you never know... competing can be fun sometimes, so long as you don't lose sight of WHY you're competing (http://www.xkcd.com/44/ oh, and hover the comic for the subtext).
Ah, one of the major benefits of being single; you save so much money you otherwise would have spent on your SO =P
First of all, my two-year anniversary is twelve days before Valentine's Day, so I'm kind of in your same situation. And my birthday is three days before our anniversary! I never expect anything for our anniversary because of that. We've never done anything for my birthday or our anniversary, and last year on Valentine's Day he had the flu (but sent me flowers), so I have very little experience with this. This year, my Christmas present is also counting as my birthday, anniversary, and Valentine's Day present, so I'm not going to be showered with gifts within the next month. I do need to figure out what to do for him, and I'm clueless since I didn't do anything for him last year for either day.
I like giving gifts that are an exact reflection of the recipient's favorite thing or biggest interest. And I never spend more than $40. I gave him a Flight of the Conchords shirt for Christmas and he said it was the best gift ever. Little things that reflect your knowledge about his interests are usually your best way to go. Avoid obviously romantic or holiday-themed gifts, and avoid things that he'd want to get rid of in case of a break-up (I always give him DVDs, CDs, and other things he'll always like, even if we split up).
My boyfriend and I are always competing over every single little thing, but we don't exchange gifts much, so that's the only aspect of our lives where we don't compete. Birthdays and Christmas is usually, "Okay, what do you want?" and we get that. It's never a big deal.
What my bf and I do (which really takes the pressure off) is that we don't give gifts on Valentine's Day, Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Instead, we just give each other random gifts throughout the year. I find there's a lot less pressure this way to find gifts on time--plus, it's always a surprise when you get a present!
However, we always have a date (or virtual date, since we're long distance) sometime on or near the special day, and have an e-card or email or some kind of note waiting for the other person. For example, my boyfriend is a computer science major; so for my birthday, he infected my computer with a (harmless) virus that he wrote himself. That morning, when I logged into my email, it redirected me to a page with a birthday message from him. That was worth way more to me than if he'd bought a dozen roses or jewelry!
I don't think you should feel like you have to compete --as long as you're putting as much thought into your gifts as he is, it doesn't matter what the monetary value is. For an anniversary, I think it's fine to go with a "cheesy" gift as long as you put time/love into it. Stuff like writing him a bunch of little love notes to read every day, etc. is fine. Have fun!
2.
for christmas my boyfriend got me a guitar+case and all i got him was a Guess sweater.. i feel like he got me something i really wanted, but i gave him such a generic gift.=(must try harder.except for one year I have always gotten jipped for Valentines day. My boyfriends would always break up with me 2 weeks or so before valentines. :(
But when I had that one boyfriend that actually stuck with me I made him buy me a card and flowers cause I was like "Man I've never gotten anything so I REALLY want something this time."
and he did :)
I have the biggest problems getting my SO gifts because Im not really thoughtful when it comes to gifts. My sister can pick out gifts and have reasons behind each part of the gift but I cant seem to do that.
I always feel really bad in the end.
my current boyfriend HATES the overly commercialized idea of Valentine's Day. I don't "love" it either since the profound feeling that invokes love and appreciation is completely overpowered by consumerism and adverts for diamonds. And because he hates Valentine's Day, it's practically impossible to figure out the RIGHT ones to gift. Plus I've pretty much exhausted my resources to get him thoughtful and practical items: wallet, cologne, shirts, custom made items.... The only "good" part of this issue is that he doesn't plan "surprises" for me to be wowed over so I stopped feeling bad for not being creative enough in distributing surprises anymore. I wonder if he ever feels bad?
As for ideas for you: Do something personalized and custom made. Knit something... make a dvd of your moments or better yet, you. If he has never seen you play an instrument, that's always romantic. Cook something for dinner/dessert. Don't think too hard about it, it IS the thoughts that counts (ultimately). :DI don't think you need to feel guilt at all. You gave him just what he asked for and he gave you something he thought you would like. It is the thought that counts after all.Â
This year don't feel as if you have to spend a lot of money just to make him happy. Get him something you know he will like and use and something he will be surprised about. It doesn't matter the price.
You shouldn't see it as "competition." If he loves you, then he loves you for who you are and not what you get him. He probably loves seeing you happy and smiling!
I've been with my b/f for 2 years and I don't even remember what we got each other for your anniversaries.
If you want to go all sentimental, assemble dozens of photos of yourselves together in a big frame. That's always cute.
Guys like it when their gfs cook...
monogrammed hankies!
write a song or poem if you can, or even just a nice letter
i'm a very creative person myself, and like you, i enjoy making things rather than buying him something. last valentine's day i took pictures of my hands that spelt out "I LOVE YOU" and put them on a posterboard. Then I took puzzle pieces, put 2 pieces that fit together together, and wrote me and wrote you on the other piece... meaning that we fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces.
my boyfriend has kept every card, every scrapbook, everything i've ever MADE for him. he appreciates these things more than anything i could buy at a store (stuff that he doesn't need in the first place).
i think your boyfriend would appreciate a scrapbook or a poem or a small book of pictures and love quotes that you make. put your heart in to it & make him feel loved. he'll really appreciate it.<3
well...for valentines day or my birthday or anything really, i like spending time with him rather than a gift. he usually gets me the usual flowers and a sweet card. and i love that. but wut i love more is when we make a cake together and decorate it with valentines stuff. (then eat it!)
instead of the gifts, we usually will plan a day-trip somewhere or try a new restaurant instead. that means more to me than a necklace or something. memories are better than anything.
And clothes, he loves shoes, so I don't bother. I buy him tee shirts and things that I know he will like, not just things I want him to wear or use.
Xo
Usually on special occasions, I'll give my hubba a nice massage or cook him a nice home made meal. Nothing beats that. But if we both agree not to get each other anything, we don't. We just spend the day together or go out and buy something for the both of us. Our anniversary, Valentine's day, or Christmas day.. it's just like any other day for us. It don't matter what we give each other - our love for one another is far more important than any gifts we could ever give each other.
Giving should be fun and people shouldn't make it into a big deal. Whatever you give him, he would appreciate it. Just make him feel special.. that's all that really matters at the end.
Since my 3 year aniversary is 3 days after valentines day I dont get my boyfriend anything tooo big. Maybe some candy and some letter I'll write to him. He gets me the usual stuffed animal, flowers, candy.
this past Christmas, my bf and i were both broke and couldn't really get each other anything... we decided to move the due date for our late Christmas presents up to the 24th of this month, which would be our 3 month anniversary. somehow we managed to spill what we were getting each other... i told him i wanted to get him a really nice watch and chip in for a new suit, and he said that he was going to get us matching shirts from yellow rat bastard, which was a store that we went to on our little "tour" of NYC (he's from virginia) before we started dating... before we even liked each other! as well as a ring.
he was all for the sentimental, inside-joke kind of thing, whereas i went straight for the nice stuff he probably wanted and would need in the future...
You know what, honestly, if you're going to get anything, get something that's meaningful. There's nothing in the world that'll beat your sincerity. I don't know, the most meaningful gift I got him was a promise ring and engraved it. =T Up to you..
Ohmygod, I HATE getting gifts, and I always have huge brain spasms/anxiety attacks when I try to find a gift for someone.
So, my answers are: No idea. And- - - Kind of, but I lose. Ha.
Well I do a lot of homemade stuff...cookies... Or needle work for christmas I made my boyfriend a blanket. Valentines day last year I made him red dish cloths for his apartment.
I prefer to make something or buy him something that he really wants. It's just a big date night for us.
I don't like getting gifts for people, ESPECIALLY an SO. When it comes to Valentine's Day, I'd be terrible. Twice I've given a single rose to guys that I liked, but after doing so I wondered if it was embarrassing for them--most people think girls are supposed to get the flowers, right?
I've never had a boyfriend during Valentine's Day or a guy's birthday (or ever, really), so I'm really inexperienced in the gift-giving thing, both giving and receiving
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - haha i love xkcd!