Sunday, 04 January 2009

  • My Boyfriend Was Texting Another Girl

    This is a guest blog submitted by LiLBallz16.

    My boyfriend had been texting a female friend of his for a while. He said that they had known each other for years through their parents. They had the kind of relationship where they would go for months without talking and then start talking again, but ever since they've started talking recently, I got a weird vibe. I chalked it up to my being jealous and never mentioned it, assuming they'd do their routine and stop talking in a few days.

    Well, that was a few months ago. I even brought up the fact that I'd like to meet her - ya know, get to know her so that this vibe would go away. He understood and said he'd try to get us together sometime over break. Then the other day I stumbled upon some texts between the two of them just last month. He said that he still wanted to kiss her and that she was beautiful. I was shocked.

    I confronted him and he said that he and I hadn't been doing so well (we had barely seen or spoken to each other in two weeks due to our work/school schedules), and he just started doubting everything we had. Turns out he had hung out with her one night and never told me. He even admitted that if I hadn't found those texts, he would never had even told me about any of it.

    I was truly hurt. He's never really lied to me, but I didn't think that I had to worry about anything. Maybe it was just my being in love and not noticing anything.

    He tells me that he hasn't spoken to her two weeks or so and that he realized what he has with me is far more important. She still texts him, but he promised me that he wouldn't text her or talk to her.

    So the question is, am I just blowing it all out of proportion? Should I still worry about them?

Related Posts

Comments (141)

  • gatorgirl54@xanga

    There are so many guys in the world, and all you need to do is go out there and find one who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. =)

    Texting to another girl that he wants to kiss her and that she's beautiful is just...cheating. It's being clearly romantic in a way that would make any girlfriend or boyfriend upset. If I were you, I'd drop the boyfriend immediately. You deserve someone who would never want to hurt you in that way by lying to your face.

  • SWEETxN0VEMBER@xanga

    that is so cruel! if he felt the relationship was going down hill, he should try to talk with you and work it out and not be texting some next girl, which is a big no no. the fact he almost cheated is a big deal. you don't deserve that.
  • gatorgirl54@xanga

    Also, the fact that he told her he wanted to kiss her makes it seem very likely he wouldn't feel too bad about physically cheating. Don't you think if they were spending time alone together he would kiss her, too?
  • StrawberryShy@xanga

    I don't know why everyone is overreacting.

    He's with you because he WANTS to be with you. The reason he told you that if you didn't find out about it, he wouldn't even mention it...is because it's Not important. To him, she is only someone he flirts with to pass the time. It's flirting..harmless fun. If he says he wants to kiss her.. then he probably does, doesn't mean he will actually do it. If you have attractive guy friends, the thought of kissing one of them would have crossed your mind at least once...does it mean you will cheat on your boyfriend? No, of course not.

    If he wanted her, he would have left you already and pursued her. Don't be so insecure..he's still with you isn't he?

  • sOmyste_riOus@xanga

    uh..YES worry about that ish! First of all take his phone make sure that number is deleted..even call the girl back have a couple of words with her.. like this is your man here.. and she knows that he's taken? Nah you can't let that slide. You were not overreacting.. just find out more about this. Either that or take his word, and you already know he wouldn't tell you about their encounter with eachother. What makes you think he wouldn't lie again?
  • How2BeAsian@xanga

    No, I dont believe you are blowing out of proportion.  When he needs to hide something, there is something wrong with the relationship.  It sounds like he has an interest in here and yet he still with you.  I think that is a big problem.
  • sammiexdoll@xanga

    I worry about that ALL the time with my guy because he has SO many other friends who are girls. All I can think is "what if" and well I don't have any reason to not trust him, but you do. You found those messages. And for the fact that he told you he wouldn't have told you anyways if you never found the messages should lift a big red flag. keep an eye on him.

    good luck.
  • SMiller4314@xanga

    I honestly think that since he said he wouldn't of told you what he texted her... that you have the right to be upset & worry. I kinda got this way with my boyfriend.. but it was emails... I got into his email account, since we share one & ours are linked together... and I found emails back and forth from each other.. & although he mentioned me to her... she still wanted to hang out or call him when she came home from college. Needless to say I told him I looked at all them & that we werent the same... so we talked and he told me everything. I was devastated and never thought he would do that to me. Plus I thought that he was different.. but I guess in a way every guy is alike.
  • HopelesslyAuspicious@xanga

    I dont think youre blowing it out of proportion. If my boyfriend did that to me, I would be just as hurt. If he was truely commited to you, he wouldnt have ever said that to her, he would have talked to you if he felt unsure about your relationship. If it was me, my trust in him would be totally demolished, and him saying that he hasnt talked to her in two weeks would sound like a lie to me.
  • la_faerie_joyeuse@xanga

    If it was me? I would probably seriously think about ending the relationship. Lying and secrecy is no good.
  • saintxgutfree@xanga

    This doesn't sound good.  At all.  He wasn't going to tell you?  Wow.  I'd drop him so fast.  But if you want to try to trust him again by all means go ahead.  I just don't forgive things like that.  
  • Tokimon@xanga

    this guy isn't mature enough to handle being in a committed, healthy relationship with you.  you're still young, don't keep a guy who isn't respecting you and the relationship.  it's really unfair to you.

    talk to him first, i know he means a lot to you.  but if he can't make an effort to change for the better, he's doing u more harm than good.  stay strong... there's always a new day
  • Southernlass@xanga

    Yes, you should be worried.  If your B/F can't man up and realize that not everyone can be together 24/7 and he can't stay faithful during a 2 week lapse....he needs to go.
  • SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga
    Cupid is cruel

    that's massively sketchy. it's one thing to have friends that you talk/text a lot, and it's another to be telling people that they're gorgeous & you wants to be kissing them...then add on that he was going to keep all of it a secret?!

    Blech, he needs to learn that deception is not okay. and i wouldn't trust him about not talking/texting to her either... i got mad at my bf for having girls say stuff like that to him and he told me. he'd be out the door if he was the one saying it to other ppl >: |

  • c_hriistina@xanga

    same shit happened to me. god im so angry reading this :@.

    turns out he wanted to get to "know" her. cus we were broken up then.

    make sure things are

    freaking clear

    not to mention my best friend had the exact same thing happen

    and she didn't do anythinga bout it.

    guess what they spent a night together.

    PLEASE BE CAREFUL <3
  • paperairplane_quotes@xanga

    @ch0w@xanga - agreed, go with this plan!
  • EaTxYoUxALivE@xanga

    id be PISSSSSED! don't turn your back for a second. you deserve honestly and communication in your relationship, and if he isn't giving it to you then you have every right to be one step ahead of his game
  • bite_to_break_skin_2@xanga

    I've been cheated on before, and i kno how badly it hurts trying so hard to trust that person again... in the end, for me, it wasnt worth it.


    It seems like hes checking out all his options first, before compleatly commiting to you, and thats not how relationships are ment to work!


    chances are if you kno they met up before without your knowing, he would have acted on his words and cheated on you.      maybe you should give him some time to really make up his mind, or just give him the flick!


    this guys an arse.


    hope it all goes well


    xx
  • fiery_redhead

    I'd be worried.  I've kind of been in the same situation.  My ex was
    really good friends with this girl from high school and they would talk
    once in awhile.  Then, after she moved closer to where he lives, they
    started talking more and hanging out more.  I always wanted to meet her
    but he'd always come up with excuses so that I wouldn't be able to.  We
    eventually broke up and they got together not too long afterwards.  I
    don't think he cheated on me with her but I think he always wanted to
    be with her instead. 


    Hopefully you can work things out with him.  Good luck!
  • still_standing

    You are not blowing this out of proportion. It makes sense for you to feel this way. I'd suggest you keep this on the table & continue to talk it out with him. Clearly it's still bothering you & you should let him know about it.

    I wouldn't want to increase your concerns but this wouldn't be something I'd drop or forget right away. Kudos to him for being able to be so honest with you but the trust there is shattered & it's going to be difficult for you to trust his words again. If he genuinely values your relationship, he'll do whatever it will take to regain your trust. If not, then he's not ready to make the same commitment as you. Good luck~
  • dekksterr@xanga

    Trust is hard, isn't it? If it is make or break for you, it's broken if you have to ask.  Tell him how you feel.  But, if you can't trust anymore, there's work to be done and it can't be done alone.  It is a two way street and you both have to be walking the same direction.
  • jeezshoua@xanga

    Errr... why would they talk for so and so months and then stop and then continue?  They both just need to get laid and get it over with.

    I think talking to her (again) may bring up some old feelings back and make him doubt your relationship with him.  But at the same time, he don't want to risk it for her also.

    If he did that behind your back and even admit it that if you haven't found out, he wouldn't had told you - I would think twice about trusting him "texting or being around" her the second time around.  It will surely make me question him (his trust) and our relationship.

    If I was in your situation, maybe I'll already dump his ass to the curve but I'll definitely talk to him first about it.  See how he would feel if I was he was in my shoes.  That girl can entertain him for an amount of time but I'm sure she don't want anything serious with him.  If she did, they wouldn't be talking/texting on and off.
  • VietButterfly@xanga

    WORRY!  If the guy lied one and is unwilling to come clean had you not uncover the truth yourself, then he has the potential to lie again! BE WEARY!!!  I sense a cheater...
  • BrianaMJ@xanga

    I think that you should be concerned...


    My ex.. there was one night only one mind you that I could not talk to him and then he kept texing me and was saying how tired he was.. I was like go to bed he told me that he was waiting for an old friend to get online so he could say hi.. later that night he was like shes online.. and so now everything was better.. I was like everything is better.. Sufice to say it was a girl he still liked.. had her all over his apt...


    I broke up with him because he was obsessive with her..


    The fact that hes texting her is not bad. the fact that he wants to kiss her and has hung out with her.. without telling you tells me he is being guilty of something....
  • alwaysjessielove@xanga

    I really can't say much here. Because I AM that girl lol. Me and this guy we just get eachother, and we'll never date but he's like my best friend.


    Now he doesn't tell me he wants to kiss me, though he says things like "you're beautiful and any guy would be lucky to have you"


    I think you should give him another chance, see if he holds up to his word. I'm gonna take a guess and say the real issue isn't about the texting, it's about the lying.


    However, I could be wrong.


    Best of luck.

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)

  • New! You can now edit your comments for 15 minutes after submitting.

About the Author

Tags

Who recommended?

Minis

Who gave the eProps?

2 eProps from: