Sunday, 04 January 2009
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My Boyfriend Was Texting Another Girl
This is a guest blog submitted by LiLBallz16.My boyfriend had been texting a female friend of his for a while. He said that they had known each other for years through their parents. They had the kind of relationship where they would go for months without talking and then start talking again, but ever since they've started talking recently, I got a weird vibe. I chalked it up to my being jealous and never mentioned it, assuming they'd do their routine and stop talking in a few days.
Well, that was a few months ago. I even brought up the fact that I'd like to meet her - ya know, get to know her so that this vibe would go away. He understood and said he'd try to get us together sometime over break. Then the other day I stumbled upon some texts between the two of them just last month. He said that he still wanted to kiss her and that she was beautiful. I was shocked.
I confronted him and he said that he and I hadn't been doing so well (we had barely seen or spoken to each other in two weeks due to our work/school schedules), and he just started doubting everything we had. Turns out he had hung out with her one night and never told me. He even admitted that if I hadn't found those texts, he would never had even told me about any of it.
I was truly hurt. He's never really lied to me, but I didn't think that I had to worry about anything. Maybe it was just my being in love and not noticing anything.
He tells me that he hasn't spoken to her two weeks or so and that he realized what he has with me is far more important. She still texts him, but he promised me that he wouldn't text her or talk to her.
So the question is, am I just blowing it all out of proportion? Should I still worry about them?
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- From: LiLBallz16@xanga
Stats: This Week All Time Posts: 0 1 Views: 0 8167 Comments: 0 141 View all posts by LiLBallz16@xanga
Comments (141)
why would he make a promise that's so easy to break. i don't think outlawing something like that is going to solve anything. you need to sit down and talk with him to see if he really wants to be with you. maybe his mindset isn't right and he's not ready to commit or something like that.
wow! well, at least he admitted that he wouldn't have told you. but i would still be worried about it. maybe you can go out together more and stay more connected. and also warn him- if you ever find out about anything like that again, you'll dump him! :)
I agree with chOw. Sit down and have a nice chit chat. That's an easy promise to break and be open with him. If what you two had was so important to him why was he testing the waters? And if in the future what if you guys start to settle down more and get busy for time longer than two weeks does that make it okay for him to start a little whatever while your busy with a project with whatever profession you have. Just be aware of these things.
Good luck!
I had a similar situation last year. My boyfriend and I are still together and probably happier than ever. He doesn't talk to the girl anymore, and I trust him again. The only difference is, he told me how he was feeling and about what was going on with the other girl(he never kissed her or anything, it was just talk).
I'd be worried in your case, he was lying to you and I really don't think that's okay. I don't think it's them you have to worry about, but him. You need to talk to him.
It's a concern if he's texting back saying he wants to kiss and whatnot. I don't think you're blowing it out of proportion but you two need to talk some things out. If he's doubting you guys on the count that you hardly see each other because of school/ work, than maybe you guys should either decide if you want to continue together or not. I mean, the way you illustrated him it seems he wants to call it quits (I could be mistaken). Talk to him, seriously talk to him, and evaluate your relationship.
I know how you feel, and I'm so sorry you had to find out that way! How sad :(
Been there done that.
He'll tell you he's changed, and that situation will never happen again. He's lied to you once, and obviously will have no problem doing it to you again.
You have to decide whether he's being true or not. Read him.
I decided my boyfriend has changed, so hopefully everything will work out.
Good luck to you!
YES CONFRONT HIM.
If he claims you guys are so important, and more important than her, he wouldn't want to kiss her.
And if he said he wanted to kiss her, he wants more than just that, so apparently he has always liked her but could never get with her.
If he really values you, ask if not to talk to her, wait that's a bad idea, tell him EXACTLY how uncomfortable you are feeling towards this situation.
If he kept on saying he has doubts about it, ask him if he wants to fix the problem together or not
If he doesn't, then you got your answer.
@ch0w@xanga - Agreed. Communicate it out. It doesn't necessarily mean yay or nay, but it's worth it for both of you to understand the other so it doesn't hang over your relationship... or undermine it.
Yes, worry.
i was in the same boat, however i never did look through his texts-- but every time i was with this guy, he would always be texting someone. it was like just being with me wasnt enough.
im really sorry that you had to go through that. right now youre probably doubting yourself, thinking that youre just taking this way out of hand, but youre not. stand up for yourself.
if this guy is doing this, he isnt taking you seriously.
MOVE ON :]
My boyfriend has a lot of girls that were ex whatevers to him. He remained their friend and that's it. I got the vibe that they liked him still as more than a friend...and I was right. They usually get mad that he wouldnt hang out alone with them at their hour during booty call hours.
I didnt like it. I can handle being jealous, but I can't handle despectful girls. They knew he had a girlfriend and they still went after him.
If your boyfriend is serious about you two; I think he needs to limit his talking time to his girl friend and just worry about you two. I feel like he broke your trust and he needs to earn it back.
"I'm sorry" or "we were having problems at the time" doesnt make it okay!
Are you sure he didnt kiss her? He doesnt seem like he would tell you. :|
Xo
Hi! First I'd like to introduce myself coz I feel the need to. My name is Ritz. I'm a girl. My profile photo is a picture of my boyfriend because we decided to exchange pictures. I understand you're confused enough and it would break my heart if I ever flame that confusion. Now that the possibility of getting confused over my gender is out of the picture, here are my thoughts to your situation. Please remember that my opinions shall be based solely on the information you've given on here. If I mistakenly assume something, please feel free to disregard my comment.
The moment I find out that my boyfriend sent another girl a message that "he wants to kiss her and that he thinks she's beautiful", this is what I see I will do...
My jaw will drop.
I will shake my head.
I'll give him the middle finger.
I will walk away and never come back.
You see, life is too short for mediocrity and all I can see is that this guy is not giving his best in your relatioship.
He said "he thinks you guys are not doing so well..." And what does he do to solve that?
Text another girl.
Wow. I totally see how that can solve the problem of you guys not doing well. -sarcasm-
I believe that everyone (boy or girl) deserves love that is special enough.
You said that your schedules don't match which is the reason why you can't meet. He doesn't have time for you and he has time for the other girl?
Now don't be a bitch like me. Don't walk away from the him, or from the relationship. See, that's what he did. When you guys were not at your best (talking, seeing, and other stuff couples do), HE WALKED AWAY. He started texting another girl. If you think this love is worth it, then talk to him.
Communication usually solves everything. Besides, there's nothing much we can do, is there?
As for worrying, if I were you I would be worrying like fuck until I meet the girl and see for myself whether or not there's connection between my boyfriend and her.
Some would probably say you're blowing this out of proportion but in my opinion, you're not. And everyone is entitled to their own. If he lied about such a small thing as texting another girl, what makes you think he won't lie about bigger issues?
But then again, this is just MY take on this. Take it or leave it. Good luck. And if you would ever need someone to talk to, this is my Xanga. Feel free to send me a private message any fucking time. I will respond as soon as I can. Take care and I'm sorry you had to deal with this.
~Ritz
you should worry, this isn't something little. This is a matter of potential infidelity and you should be very aware of this.
I recently went through something like that too except that its with his ex girlfriend instead of "just a friend". Turns out that i was just blowing things out of proportion because things between him and i haven't been so great. I say let it all out on a table. If you guys truly love each other, things'll work out.
But through experience though, don't tell him to not speak to her again because you'll feel even more betrayed if it were to happen. I'm sure you guys can work it out. And when you have, there'll be no need for the whole shunning the girl away. Who knows? you and her may end up being close friends.
Uh, YES. Worry!!!
You need to talk to him and explain to him how important he is to you, because he clearly doesn't feel as though he is. That will probably help, he sounds a little insecure. But don't blame the girl, it's possible that she doesn't even know about you.
I would still worry. If he kept that from you, who knows what else has happened that he won't tell unless he gets caught. Always go with your vibe, they're usually right, and in ur case, it was right on point!
The nature of the text is enough to give me something to worry about. The safest bet, though, would probably be to talk to him so you can straighten things out and have a peace of mind. Good luck.
Communicate it out with him. Yes, it is most definitely something to worry about. I can't and wouldn't judge anyone over this but you have all the right to bring it up and set things straight.
best of wishes. =)
Wow...yeah you're not blowing this out of proportion. I'd be worried and hurt too if I were you. It's nice that he actually admitted he would have kept it secret had you not "stumbled upon" his texts (you snooped, didn't you?). I can understand some trust issues are at hand; what he did was pretty much cheating. Have a good talk with him about it and tell him how you feel. I hope things work out for you.
i appreciate modern technology as much of the next person, but texting really is the devil.
it causes sooo many problems. i have had this problem before, and the truth is, it plagued us right til the end of our relationship (in truth he did have other honesty issues, but it stemmed from that problem, and the girl he was texting), i have to say i found it hard to trust him after that, because it did happen again.
i also agree with purplepixiepoo, your not blowing this out of proportion at all, he expressed desire for another girl in a time when your relationship "wasnt doing so good", that is a weak excuse, what about if you, like most couples inevitable do, hit a rough patch? is that the way to solve it?
if you can not be paranoid when he picks up his phone from now on, your a stronger girl than me. good luck.
Take care of it now before it haunts your future later on...
No, you're not blowing it out of proportion. If you didn't confront him about it, he wouldn't have told you? Then would he have continued to see her? Would he have kissed her as he said that he wanted to? And more?
Even if nothing has technically happened, he's basically cheated on you already. At least on an emotional level.
Granted, people slip up and relationships are able to recover. But you need to decide if you can trust him, what he needs to do to earn your trust again, or if you should walk out.
KEEP AN EYE ON HIM* SERIOUSLY
He even admit that he wouldnt have told you - if you never find out
WHAT ELSE CAN HE BE HIDING ? that he didnt tell you that you didnt find out ?
Keep that in mind
i'm a really jealous person. if that happened to me, i think i would threaten to break up with my boyfriend, actually. and then once i calmed down, i would make him text her or email her saying he's going to cut off contact, and i would demand to see the email, and to check his emails and texts for a short while afterwards.
i mean, yeah, it's controlling and kind of crazy, but he almost cheated. almost almost! and that's a red flag; you need to get him to fix the situation a little, then keep an eye on him.
good luck with everything, i hope everything ends well for you :]