23, still a virgin, engaged to 22 year old, still a virgin. No sex of any kind...

weve been together for 3 years

it can be done...

There really is a part of sex that involved giving yourself away a little be to someone.  Sex is a complicated thing, that's a lot more complicated than just the penis in vagina mechanism that people want to reduce it to - there's a lot of emotional and experiential stuff(baggage?) that comes with it.  I think your point is well made.

If I love someone I love the person as is and the whole wanting someone just for yourself isn't really so much an issue of love as it is of possessiveness. Let her go if you haven't already, she deserves someone who likes her for who she is not in spite of who she is and you should look for someone who is more morally compatible with you.

Anyway, what 'part' of her would you not have? This fictional part of her that never existed? Virginity is a concept, it's not anything concrete.

First of all, this is a great post, thanks for sharing.

I also think about whether a girl is a virgin or not. I'm still a virgin, so I want to be with a girl who is also a virgin. I think that would make the experience special. Call me old school or what not, but I want to wait until I get married before I sleep with a girl. I want my wife to be my first, and I want to be her first. I don't want to think about how she has slept with another guy(s). This is also my dilemma.

Hmmm, in the end I think you hit it on the head with:

Many of you will say, "hey, if you like her, you shouldn't care about
her past." In my mind, it's true, but in my heart, can I really accept
that?  I don't think so.

The key phrase there is YOU DON'T THINK SO. If that's the way you feel, then that's the way you feel. We will each give our opinions here, but in the end, it's really just about how you feel about it. Maybe hearing how each of us or the 'majority' views it may change your mind, but in the end, if it doesn't, so be it. That being said...

My ex and I were both virgins. We were together 7 years ending in engagement, and suffice it to say we did not have the same restraint as @D2L_Pastor@revelife - has, despite us both being quite religious (and her being devoutly catholic). Sadly, it was a major part of our breakup, my guilt over it and her dissatisfaction with our physical chemistry really (not necessarily specifically sex, though I think that was a major player).

Now I am faced with the same as you. I was with a girl who was "all mine" for a third of my life, give or take. Only guy she ever dated. First kiss. Only man who has ever seen her naked. Sadly, for me, it lead to our downfall, but that's besides the point. Now I've decided that it's not so important to me as to be a deal-breaker. There is definitely some... i guess... shallow 'bonus' if a girl is, but the important thing is, it's just one more 'attribute', not a deal-breaker. I'd like a virgin with long black hair, slender body, sharp mind, can beat me at ping pong, but not at arm wrestling, and, most importantly, who will go out with me. But in the end, I really only have a few deal breakers and everything else is up for grabs (doesn't smoke or do drugs is a deal breaker). So decide for yourself. Is it a deal-breaker? If not, just add it to the list of things she is (or isn't) and decide how you feel.

@LadyLibellule@xanga - I agree.

It sounds like you (the author) are setting a double standard for women. What if she considered you a slut for not being a virgin? (If you have indeed lost your V-Card) Virginity is just a stigma emphasized by years of Church doctrine.

it not like when you lose your virginity they are physically taking something away, virginity is a term we use to describe some one who never had sex, and sex itself has different definitions depending on the person, i think that as long as no one is cheating your getting each other all for yourselves

I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months. He was a virgin, i wasn't. There were a few complex stories that led to me finding out the truth about him not having sex before, but i guess he was just insecure because he knew i'd sex and he hadn't.

It bothers him from time to time, but he's got over it. I'm not a slut just because he wasn't my first.

She probably isn't either, you don't know anyones personal circumstance.

If you love someone, you move past what happened before and accept you are the one you want now.

I assume after a couple of dates it's not the same, but if you wait it out and feeling get stronger, just let it go or you'll end up beating yourself up and loosing a wonderful woman for no proper reason at all.

You are not allowed to judge this woman. Get off your fucking high horse and accept that she's made decisions in the past without you in mind. You have no goddamn right to think that she should be any certain way. If you want her to be a certain way then why not try a prude or a blindly devout religious girl?You obviously like her so why should her past be any of your business? You sound like a total prick.

I'm a virgin but you, sir, disgust me with your hypocrisy. If you aren't a virgin, what gives you the right to criticise women who aren't, either?

agreed fully with la_magdalena. you seem to have a very awful outlook on women in general, perhaps due to your past. Don't take that out on this chick.

If you like her, discuss your feelings about this situation. I've known people who've been happily married for years that weren't virgins prior to marriage. I will note that the woman in the pairing regrets she wasn't a virgin because she wanted to give "all of her" to her husband.

If the majority of people truly valued virginity it'd be more common. As it currently stands, sexual expression is more highly valued and so it's more common.

You might also consider the fact that rape and incest victims aren't virgins and/or she could have lied about not being a virgin because you shared that you weren't.