Saturday, 03 January 2009
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Follow-Up: How Do You Get Over A Frat Boy?
This is a follow-up to this post.First of all, thank you everyone who commented on my former entry.
Many people commented asking why I couldn't just get over him. I have never, in my nineteen years of life, just casually hooked up with a guy I just met, so it was a very strange/traumatic experience for me - hence the initial feeling of desperation and panic. You can choose to judge for yourself whether I sounded pathetic/prude in my last post. But the reason why I'm writing this follow-up post is to clarify a mistake in my former post that made me sound like I couldn't get over some stupid boy after three months.
This is what actually happened in September after that night: When he didn't ask for my number, I figured he wasn't into me and decided to move on. It was kind of awkward seeing him around on campus, though, and I just wanted to clear things up. I sent him a Facebook message indicating that I had fun at the club, but if I had known about his recent breakup, I would have never acted the way I did.
He responded saying that he had a great time, too, but was sorry for the way he acted because he wasn't looking for a relationship. Instead, he was very interested in being my friend. Then he gave me his number. "We should start fresh," he said. I didn't give him mine when he asked for it..."we should start fresh," I just replied.
Since then, we've been friends. I still haven't given him my number and, even better, it's not awkward between us. He represents my mistake which will not be repeated again. I've learned my lesson.
Have you ever made a romantic mistake like I did? How did you handle it?
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- From: faithful1030@xanga
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Comments (34)
Romantic mistake? you're looking to much into it lol
Xo
Yeah... but I think my mistake was the opposite of yours. I'm was a year (almost exactly) out of a long (7 year) relationship and met a bunch of new girls introduced to me by a few male friends of mine. Took 4 drinks in my small [135lb] frame before I managed to loosen up enough to dance (never really dance) and catch Annie's eye. I've NEVER felt sexual chemistry quite like that hour on the dance floor with her. If your encounter is tame by today's standards, then mine was downright prudish. It was my first time dancing WITH a girl, so it was enough that I danced half an inch from her, but I never really touched her or grinded against her. But the heat was immeasurable to me. We locked eyes in that first instance and we stayed that way for the next hour dancing. I'm not a club kind of guy, nor am I the kind of guy who wins girls on a dance floor (at least I don't think so), so I was overwhelmed. Later we left the inside dance floor and danced outside so we could hear each other enough to talk. We had a good time chatting and dancing, enough that when her 4 other friends came to find us and make a 'rescue pass', she stayed. I got her phone number.
So how did I drop the ball? I went back to 'nice guy' mode. The 10 of us or so went out afterwards to a 24 hour korean tofu house (BCD Tofu in LA woot woot) and I went back to more-or-less normal me. She seemed cold, I offered her my jacket. Paid for food for her and the girls on my end of the table. Was sweet. I called her two days later (Sunday) to go out the next weekend. She said she'd let me know which day she was off work. I called her Thursday to find out. Didn't call me back. I called once more on Friday, and then on Wednesday of the next week just in case, then I took the hint. She wasn't interested.
Some girls just want to have fun (just like many guys). I'm not the guy for her. That's my conclusion now anyway. I sulked for a couple weeks and then moved on. But here's the real kicker. After a few weeks I messaged one of the other girls I met that night who I thought was vibing me after the club and we started chatting and flirting. I asked her out a week later... but she told me she had just started going out with another one of my friends she met that night. ARGH. The real kicker? That's the FOURTH girl we've crossed paths on... or rather, he's 4 and I'm 0.
@Kevin_is_a_pirate@xanga - Agreed. If you had a good time, why is it a mistake? Don't overthink it! :)
@Kevin_is_a_pirate@xanga - How am I reading too much into it? The point of my follow-up post is that I did the opposite. He represents a mistake - I expect nothing more and nothing less. I hate overanaylzing.
@JessxMaxine@xanga - Sex/Romance/whatever - it was a mistake regardless. Doesn't matter because I learned from it. Romance is usually a worse mistake because you are more emotionally attached. Sex is.. done and over with. At least for me.
I'm engaged to a frat boy, and dated a few of them. They're not all pigs, I promise. But sometimes its hard for them to commit. They get taunted by their brothers.
Dont look too far into it. The boys in my fiance's house are like my family.
If they want a relationship, they'll get into one. Otherwise, dont look too far into a hookup. You'll most likely experience alot more of them in college, and so will he.
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - Haha thanks for sharing this story.. yea, I guess random hookups can turn into relationships but that wasn't the case for me (or you..). Don't worry, if it didn't happen, it wasn't meant to be. BTW was she Korean..? JW because I'm one too. =D
@MarchingDuck@xanga - I wasn't impyling that all frat boys are commitmentphobics and were all bad. I know some frat guys who are awesome and are just out to have a good time. The one I particularly hooked up with just got out of a relationship and if I had known that I would have never hooked up with him (because that would make me a rebound girl).
If you want a relationship, make him your boyfriend before doing anything with him. He won't take you "serious"; he will just see you as a "good time."
Anyways, that's what I think..I just thought it was weird that you said that. Like it would make a difference.
Xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - It doesn't matter what you gleaned from my post. My point was I learned from my mistake. Everyone makes mistakes and when I did, did it hurt at the time? Hell ya. But it won't be repeated again. You dont' have to preach to me - the point of the post was that I learned from my pain. So relax.
Just to clarify though, I wASN'T looking for a relationship when I hooked up with him but even i I was JUST looking for a casual hookup, I would not have hooked up with this guy if I knew I would just be a rebound girl. I would have hooked up with a guy who didn't just get out of a relationship. That was my point. Not that I wanted him to be my boyfriend but I didn't want to be a rebound girl no matter what.
@faithful1030@xanga - Annie? Huh. I think she's Chinese. But if she was Korean... wait, I'm not going to go there!! =X
If a man wants to commit, he will commit! You can't force anyone to commit unless the man wants to because the man is loves being in control! It's part of human nature but after that intial catch you know the ladies always take control in the end!
@faithful1030@xanga - Take a chill pill; you posted on a public blog site, not me. If you don't like the replies or the things that people think about your blog, then think twice about writing on here.
Gosh.
Xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I never said I didn't appreciate your input. But you were the one who was rude to me first.You replied rudely on a public blog site. If you don't like rude replies right back at ya, you should think twice about replying here. Gosh? lol. ok.
@faithful1030@xanga - i was rude because i asked a question? You havent seen me get rude and you wouldnt want too.
Yeah, i typed "gosh", its so funny, huh? Zomg rotfl.
Xo
@MusingsOfAnAlmostSocio@xanga - next time you go somewhere with girls, don't invite your friend!
justtt kidding. :)
better luck next time! outta curiousity, what exactly is a korean tofu house? anything like korean bbq or wayy different?
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I laughed because "GOSH!" sounded like a pathetic preppy girl kind of thing. And you know you were being sarcastic and rude in your "question". I wouldn't have responded the way I did if I didn't sense your bad attitude. But I can see where our "comment" war is leading. I won't say anything else. Thanks for your comment.
@JessxMaxine@xanga - I laughed because "GOSH!" sounded like a pathetic preppy girl kind of thing. And you know you were being sarcastic and rude in your "question". I wouldn't have responded the way I did if I didn't sense your bad attitude. But I can see where our "comment" war is leading. I won't say anything else. Thanks for your comment.
@faithful1030@xanga - yeah, let's not start a comment war...oh wait, you already posted on my blog trying to think you are cute and funny.
rotfl.
Xo
boyyys, if you ever kissed a girl u considered as a friend and didn't mean it would u have the courage to tell her tlhat it was a mistake?
haha kinda relates to this right? jw.
@xwolfae@xanga - Huh, well, it is Korean food, so they have all the side dishes and stuff like normal. But the focus tends to be these steaming clay bowls of tofu and then you can get classic k-bbq meat combos. I don't think it has the bbq it yourself pits though. Maybe it did, I didn't notice? You can check out the website if you google BCD Tofu.
Back when I was a freshman.. with the brother of one of the guys living on my floor. I've no clue why he was up at 4am.. [I had a legit excuse.. I had lots of work to catch up on.] Anyway, we got to talking & somehow we started making out in his brother's bed! >.< Nothing further went down 'cause that's just how I am. We never talked about it afterwards & for the rest of his visit, we hung out as friends. He wasn't the type of guy I'd date so I've no clue what got into me. [I couldn't even blame it on alcohol 'cause neither one of us drank~] When he went back to school [in London], he would call or email me occasionally. We haven't spoken in over 2 years now.. & that's fine with me. You live & learn. :) [Just don't make the same mistake again. :P]
i agree that you were looking too much into it. and anyways, you wouldn't have acted like a slut if you knew he was just out of a relationship? hmm.... what difference does it make? :/
@stoneyrocks_socks@xanga - a slut? you call a random hook up a slut? i can tell you don't get any.
She was saying that theres a difference between a rebound girl and just a fun time with a girl.
lol and how is she reading too much into it? she said she expected nothing fomr him.
please. it's a post. nothing more.
I hold as a general rule, for whatever you perceive to be a mistake in the dating world - be it sex-related, romance, etc -that all you can do is learn from it by NOT carrying it over to future relationships and dates.
I don't feel the need to go back to the person to "make it right" because it usually doesn't work or the person usually isn't worth my time - I don't want to be at the mercy of someone else's statements (or lack thereof). I'm glad that it worked out for you in that when you approached him he apologized, but some people aren't so nice.
What if he never responded? What if he said "I don't remember you" or something equally inane and discouraging? I'm not saying that you shouldn't approach people that you think will respond to you, but sometimes if you can tell a person won't respond, don't bother trying to talk to them or get them to help you resolve your uncertainty; learn instead by carrying the lessons forward.
if you learned from it, i wouldn't call it a mistake.
i've never really been in this sort of situation...but i think you handled it very well. ^_^