Miss Penguin Okay, so I'm on day, what, 3? of my 2nd online dating experiment (on
plentyoffish) and already starting to lose faith in the system.
So I've sent out 8 messages, 7 of which have been read (it bothers me that you can see that information, by the way). Only 2 guys have responded.
Ouch.
Anyway, so on the first day of doing this, one of the guys I messaged works in my field (film/TV). While I don't normally go for film guys and I think it's a little too risky to date them (you never know who you'll end up working with on a project), he was pretty cute, so I thought I'd give it a shot. At least we had something in common I could mention to make the introductory message less awkward, right? Anyway, so he responded within about 20 minutes of my sent message. He wrote me two messages, which should've been a tip-off, but I didn't think much of it because the second one was kind of "oh, I forgot to ask..." Nor did I think much of the quick response because maybe he just happened to be online at the same time.
I responded a few hours later and had another response from him 11 minutes later. Clearly, this guy needs to get a life. I didn't actually see the message until the next day and I've been very busy the past few days catching up at work and settling in after being gone for the holidays (not to mention getting ready for New Year's Eve) so I didn't have time to respond when I read the message.
So I get online today with the intent of responding to his message because I had a little extra time and I have a message from him that says, "and like that... you disappear"
Yikes. High maintenance much?
I was tempted to respond that I was sorry I was busy so that he wouldn't feel like I'm a bitch who just disappeared. I wasn't all that interested once I found out he's the starving-artist-living-with-his-parents type of film person, but I was still going to respond, but I'm not going to because I've lost all interest in him. If he's this clingy now, imagine how he must be in a relationship. I'm not going to deal with that.
While I'm not into playing games and playing hard to get, I also don't like clingy guys. So a word of advice, everyone: back off! Sometimes people are busy and you shouldn't take a delay in their response personally. And honestly, it's INTERNET DATING. If they don't respond at all, so what? You're probably never going to meet them (and if you do, you probably won't even realize it).
As the website name suggests, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Move on. Only 2 of the 7 guys who read my messages responded, and yeah, it stings a little. But I'll get over it. It's nothing personal. They just didn't think I was right for them. And I'm certainly not going to message them again like a psychopath saying "why haven't you messaged me back?!"
On the plus side, the other guy who responded to my message seems normal (so far). I think I will need to exchange a few more messages with him in order to really judge that, though.
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Comments (22)
The guy sounds very clingy, you dont need that in your life...He has already showed his true colors and being clingy and desprate is such a turn off ewwwww.
I dont think you should give up on the site..you just started it so i think u should give it at least 2 more months
Goodluck =]
I fail to see how he was being high maintenance. Perhaps your views are too high.
I think "clingy" should have been used instead of "high maintenance" in the post title. When I think of high maintenance, I think of someone who takes too much time prepping themselves up or whatever. I agree that the guy was way too eager and needed to slow his role haha. Hope the other guy is offering a much better experience for you.
@awokenfatality@xanga & @Roadlesstaken@xanga - Agreed. :X
HELLO,I COME FROM HONG KONG^^
I've met some nice guys online, but some can be like that...where they're right on top of your messages and expect you to do the same. I agree--you wonder how this guy would be on a real date.
I had a rather clingy guy get his tightie whities in a bunch because I sent him a text (two hours before our scheduled SECOND date) saying I was going to be a half an hour late. "I just want to spend as much time as possible with you before I went back to work..."
you posted this on 11:11am.
just throwing that out there.
im not into online dating seach engine thingies.
so yeah.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - I agree.
Xo
<---rolls eyes
I think it's hit or miss on dating sites. I ended up going on dates with three guys I met through Yahoo! Personals. All three were good experiences and one of them has become my wonderful current guy.
Did you make your profile stand out in some way? Originality can help spark responses. Does anyone not like sunsets or walks on the beach? It can take awhile to craft the perfect second-look-getter.
@awokenfatality@xanga - Um, because I am a busy person and don't want to deal with guys who flip out if it takes me a day to respond to their messages. If he is that way now, I'm sure he's the same way in relationships and I don't need that.
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - Well, I think it is high maintenance in the sense that clearly having a relationship with him would take a lot of energy to maintain because he would need you to call him all the time and stuff.
as far as the guys who haven't responded go, I wouldn't feel bad, cause they could just be on there casually... not really actively looking for somebody.
I semi-joined a dating site at some point a while ago. I still have a profile on there, but I rarely ever log in. At the same time, occasionally somebody will IM me after having found me on there, and we'll chat on there instead.
well seriously, i dont mind clingy men, i mind men who just want one thing - physical intimacy.
I don't like clingy girls too, and it's just common curtsey that you say goodbye or see you when you leave and not let the other person hanging with a conversations you know.
lol he may have been clingy, but it sounds like he wanted to talk to you or is used to chattin with people to get to know them. People like that do bother me...whenever Im on yahoo IM in a chat...stupid users "buzz" mewhen i dont respond after ...5 seconds?
I think he could have thought through what he said to you. That's been said to me, but sometimes I think there are expectations of the quick response. Imagine talking with a friend in another time zone, who speaks another language, who isn't always thinking over am 11-13 hour time difference.
After we work with folks around the planet, we can cut our own contemporaries a little more slack.
And I'd call persistent or insistent IM friends (or 'IM partners') just that - persistent or insistent - or perhaps 'less reflective' (or even over-eager, over-friendly, distracted, or something else that's kinder) rather than calling the person 'dumb' or 'stupid'.
To me, interacting with another human being
in any context or with any vehicle is a learning experience and both or all of us need to interact with one another in the mode of utmost respect, deference, helpfulness, and contextual responsibility, honesty, and hope for better global outcomes from what we've done online.
Oh, and I don't really hope to (or expect to) meet anyone
online (in a spousal way), but who knows. That's not the genre of my on-line interactions.
@MaynardClark@xanga - well when they buzz me before i can react, or think about what Im wanting to say, thats pretty stupid behavior, discourteous, even rude.Il'l say your right, its persistant, but obnoxious.
@wolvenchic@xanga - I don't like 'buzzing', and I've told my friends online that I don't like it, so I ask the friend to stop buzzing.
There are times we buzz each other in fun, but we've been chatting for a year now. But I agree that someone else's thoughtless or careless or pre-communication presumption can be offensive, distracting, bothersome, or worse.
I've learned much about buzzing by having someone else buzz me. And sending photos? Should be small, not 10 megapizel photos.
Your last sentence...oh the irony LOL.
So, I made the mistake of joining a site called stickam. A guy who was a friend of one of my friends in real life happened to message me. I assumed she'd known him a while, she'd known him for five days and had given him her number (Which proved to be a bad idea).
Anyway, when he asked me to call him, and she gave the 'yeah, he's cool' sign, I did. He's the most clingy guy I've ever met. I've since had to block him and tell him I hate talking on the phone, just to get him to stop calling me and instant messaging me. He called like 13 times in three days.
So, yeah, I know the feeling of having a clingy guy on your back, run, run far away.
The men on that website are very needy... and creepy... just be careful... and if you meet one named kyle who's about 21 years old with big blue eyes, stay away. His picture looks nothing like him and he lies about everything.
My suggestion? Look elsewhere.
@pinkcrayon78@xanga - hahahahhahahha