Miss Seal I recently read the article "
8 Surprising Turn-ons for Men". I must admit, the turn-ons really weren't that surprising. It was the standard mix of "we love baseball hats, understated underwear and sweet smelling shampoo," but one was surprising: "We like girls to be a little ditzy."
The author explains
, "Men like smart women....But there's a small part of a man's brain that wants her to have an occasional dollop of ditziness. Why? Because if she can show that she may not know everything, it reinforces something deep inside a man that he's needed, that he's trusted, that he can be there to help."I think this actually makes sense. I pride myself on dating really intelligent guys, and I don't care to be a damsel in distress, but I feel that things somehow work better when the conversation is kept flirty and simple. I guess girls like guys to be a little ditzy too.
I was on a coffee date with a boy who was really intense. I guess he was trying to impress me, but I almost felt like I was on my guard, like I was on a job interview and he wanted to test my intelligence. There's nothing sexy about a discussion on capital punishment - at least, not on the first date.
Do you feel that you talk about different topics with your significant other or date than you would talk about with your friends? Is flirtation on some level always ditzy?
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Comments (96)
no wonder i've never had luck with men.
What a load of crap. Those kinds of guys just want girls to be idiots so they can look smart and stroke their stupid egos.
I'm not an idtio and I'll never pretend to be just to get the guy.
A male friend of mine told me last night that he would be interested in dating me if I were more girly. This came up after my group of friends pointed out that I was the only woman in the room. I said, "That's okay. I'm pretty much one of the guys, anyway. I get along with men better. My personality is rather androgynous."
I'm happily in a relationship, though, so I wouldn't want to be dating that particular friend, anyway. Plus, I wouldn't want to change my personality, either. I like the way I am, and another male friend of mine often expresses that he wishes he had someone like me as I am. -blush-
I HATE ditzy gits, I mean girls
Ditzy girls appeal to intellectually insecure men.
i can see that. they're not threatening, intellectually.
imagine a brilliant and beautiful woman - how can they make most men feel. thank gawd my husband's secure enough. :D
I don't think that's true of all guys -- I know it is true of some, but those guys have turned out to be the ones who are just kind of clueless themselves. If you're an intelligent person, I'd think you would want someone more equal with you, but that's just me :P
Personally, I can't seriously date a guy who I can't banter a little with. He has to be able to "keep up" with me in our conversation.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - well put
It's not about wanting a "ditzy" girl (unless the guy is very insecure). However, I think we instinctively seek partners whom we view as being of approximately equal attractiveness, social status, and intelligence. You want to feel like an intellectual equal to your partner. It's not about wanting a stupid partner, just one you can talk to and who will confide their insecurities/problems.
This may not be as specific as you'd like it to be, but I really think it depends on the guy. I've heard most guys say that they want an intelligent girl, but some guys do like ditzy, spaced-out, good looking girls--for a short time. I think that in general, most guys do not plan on getting serious with a ditz. So to be on the safe side, I'd just be you.
"but I almost felt like I was on my guard, like I was on a job interview and he wanted to test my intelligence"... in response to this, I agree that sometimes guys can make this whole "I want an intelligent woman" thing seem so contrived. I mean if you spend enough time with someone, you can pretty figure out if they are intelligent. There is no need to conduct a date like a college course. Girls do the same thing of course. I wouldn't because I think it's annoying.
I think people are taking this whole ditzy idea too far. I think what they're trying to say is that they want to know that the girl is human, meaning: yeah she can be super intelligent and witty and perfect but if she has a silly moment she's not beating herself up over it and she can ask for help. That is probably what they find attractive and not girls dumbing themselves down. Besides, who wants to date a know-it-all?
I don't like the ditzy idea. I've tried dumbing it down for guys, but then I feel like I have nothing to say because it'll make me seem like a know-it-all, or like when the guy seems so much more intelligent, it truly makes me feel insecure because I know i'm not unintelligent. I prefer guys to be at the same intelligence level (roughly) so there's more of a connection and there isn't so much competition.
I think being ditzy is hella annoying. I also hate it when girls are NORMAL with their girl friends but so obnoxious around guys. It's like their TRYING way to hard.
As always, depends on the guy. However, yeah, there's some truth to it. But it doesn't always have to be intellectually ditzy. For instance, I'm a high intelligent guy and I like intelligent girls, but something I just absolutely love is a girl that plays with her food. And by play I mean makes little faces with leftover sauce, or french fry towers. Not girls who are bored and ANNOY their food. Also, not so much that it detracts from conversation. There's just something so cute and simple and youthful about a girl who delights when she manages to place that last french fry on the tower or dismays when it collapses. Just because we're intellectuals doesn't mean we should be serious and perfect all the time. Also, girls are cute when they get a little shy or embarrassed or goof and laugh it off. For the record, I suspect the same applies to guys, it's just more raringly attractive.
@MissKatieSue@xanga - Oooo, never dumb it down for a guy, that's awful. Then again, I do have a friend who is just absolutely brilliant and she does comment on how hard it is to find someone who doesn't just annoy her (she contends that I can hold my own against her, but I contend that her intelligence makes me look like a toddler, and my IQ is 150+). Still though, dumbing it down will never really work. Neither does rubbing it in someone elses face. Just gotta find the few who can keep up :).
I agree with what UnVolume@xanga said...
Coming from my own experience, it does seem to me that a lot of men, even the ones who say they want to be with intelligent and ambitious women, feel threatened by them. But then, a good number of my intelligent and ambitious girlfriends are with men who are less smart and have less ambitious goals, so maybe it's just my run of bad luck. I will say, though, that society still puts more pressure on women to hide their aspirations and capabilities, whereas men's ambitions are encouraged and privileged. That's why powerful women like Condoleeza Rice are considered "spinsters" because they're not married, whereas her male equivalent would simply be a distinguished bachelor. Stupid double standards.
In regards to whether or not flirtation is inherently "ditzy," I think it could be, because flirtation is sort of a dance in which each person gets a chance to assert power and submit to it. I think even the smartest of people play the game, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - thats very true.
I never dumb myself down for a guy. But I've have my "moments" which the boyfriend always says, "you are too cute."
Xo
@JessxMaxine@xanga - hey. everyone sounds a little bit ditzy sometimes. It's just the way it is.
@UnVolume@xanga - i totally agree! i think people are missing the point and thinking of totally clueless but the author said "a little ditzy". i would want a slightly ditzy guy too..
ew no. i especially hate when girls who are actually smart dumb down in front of guys because they think it will make them more appealing. it doesn't, it just makes the looking like an idiot looking for attention.. which is exactly what they are.
@UnVolume@xanga - Totally agree.
If you click on the link in the post, you'll see that it's not as simple as "Do Guys like Ditzy Girls?" The author of the article at that link writes that basically men would like women to err or be uncertain sometimes, thus showing that she's human and, well, humble.
No one wants to date a robot who thinks they're always right - and that goes for women as well in their search for partners, whether male or female. It's unnervingly inhuman, egotistical, and odd to act as if one knows everything, because no one IS right all the time.
I really think it's somewhat dependent on culture. Not all cultures worship submissive, intellectually or physically weaker women.
awwh, u poor thing on that grueling date... *comfort comfort*