Maybe you should just try and talk to him about it instead of starting "fights with him sometimes because it felt like my way of giving him a way out." I'm usually like your bf in relationships and even though I'm hurting, I don't tell him. I just lie to myself saying that he had a reason for treating me this way or that I deserved it because of something I did. My only advice is to talk to him and see what he says. Good luck :D

this post verbally depicted everything that i had went through. this is the reason why i live my life full of regrets. i lost the love of my life/my fairy-tale love because of the above. i never knew that someone else could relate to what i went through but everything that you wrote above completely describes what happened to me.

i took him for granted and now he's gone. not that he willingly left either. i'm with someone else now who doesnt treat me even a quarter of how he treated me. guys like the one that you describe are rare. every guy after him will have to meet neck-high expectations - and no they will not meet them. if you love him, get your act together before it's too late. because it's already too late for me. and i have no choice but to move on and "settle" with someone that treats me not-as-great.

 I have also been on the receiving end of good treatment. I never actually treated him badly but I think that it isn't too good either to be like on a pedestal. I prefer a more equal partner. Right now what is funny to me is how my SO treats me kind of bad at times and he still says things like '' no one will ever love you like I do''. I want to tell him that yes, actually, someone treated me way better, like he can never treat me. But that is not what I want either. I think it can be suffocating. 

Turn it around, and fast.
As Linda, I too had the guy of my supposed dreams (yea there were certain things I didn't care for, but nobody's perfect).

He and I are still friends, but it's hard for me to be around him and pretend to be normal.  I miss him.

Go out of your way to do something sweet for him, let him know you care about him, otherwise you're going to lose him.

You sound like a really big jerk to me.  Why would you treat someone like this if you love them?  You just seem like someone who doesn't care about others. Just because you've come from a bad place doesn't give you some kind of pass to treat other people poorly. 

this was helpful to read, as I was on the other end once.  I never would have guessed insecurity to be the motivation for starting arguments, just to "give the other a way out."

wow.

have you wondered if your bf was somewhat in the wrong too, though?  perhaps insecurity is the problem on both ends.  he may have appeared to be a perfect servant, but the motivation for serving may have stemmed from a fear of being disliked.

as one such "perfect servant," I'm slowly learning assertiveness is necessary to balance every relationship.

Talk to him about it.

And stop treating him that way. You recognize the problem - kudos to you. Now deal with it! Stop self-pity and self-loathing, and do something productive, like figure out how to stop yourself from treating him like crap. And figure out if you even want to be with him.

You know, here's a thought: you may not love him or care about him. I mean, if you did, why treat him this way.

And here's another thought: he may not love you, but love the idea of you or only the nice parts of you. He sounds like he's been blinded by love. I was once a doormat in a relationship, so I know that I didn't love HIM, but I loved what I thought he was once and the idea of us.

ive done that before, and from my experience i would tell u to try and ease up theres only so much one can take

that's happened to me before. the worst part was i didn't realize it until HE exploded at ME.
which is fine, it made our relationship a lot stronger.
he basically told me that i was being a self-centered bitch and that i should seriously stop and consider his feelings.
and of course since i was so spoiled i thought it was nonsense and in some sense i disregarded it... but he intiated a pretty intense argument and at that point i realized i really needed to stop and THINK about what i was doing and how i was making him feel.
after about almost 2 weeks of being bitter with each other (it was like an unofficial break [up?]) he decided to give me another chance to stop being so selfish.
that was way in the beginning of our relationship... two months in i think... and i felt VERY grateful and lucky that he decided not to leave me because we JUST celebrated our 2nd New Year's together!

basically i stopped asking for so much... before he confronted me i was a VERY jealous person. any girl he was good friends with, i'd want to pounce on her and tell her to gtfo, so i'd confront him. there were about 3 that i confronted him about. after our fight i realized there was nothing to be jealous about, so i stopped nagging him about other girls. i used to (subconsciously) make him stay on the phone with me for at LEAST an hour every night. now if we have 2 minute phone calls at night, that's totally okay. everyone needs sleep, especially with school going on. another big one for me, is that i would never apologized whenever we fought. i used to accuse him of thinking too much and would always tell him to calm down. the result was him apologizing when it was actually my fault.

you have to really consider the other person's feeling. think about how it would be for you if you were in his place. life isn't a fairytale and that's what i thought our relationship was, simply because he did so much for me. you have to do as much for him as he does for you. always return the favor.

I wouldn't say that I'm just like your boyfriend, but I can seem some similarities. With me though, I would always end up feeling bad for everything. I'd call my boyfriend out on something, but in the end I would be telling him sorry for calling him out even though he was in the wrong in the 1st place.

I've never been one to start fights. I usually physically feel ill when arguing with someone. And I wish I had more backbone. I mean, arguing to some extent will help out a relationship. But I hide from fights. 

I'm madly in love with my boyfriend, but I sometimes worry that my lack of a backbone will in the end ruin us.

this is happening to me right now.

i feel like a horrible person and i've changed entirely. i used to be a nice, sweet girl and now...i'm just plain mean or not as nice as i used to be.  i'm not saying it's his fault in any way because of other things that has happened to me that has turned my heart bitter.  i understand how you pick fights randomly so he'll be fed up and maybe leave you, well atleast that's what i think you mean by

    "would start fights with him sometimes because it felt like my way of giving him a way out."

i'd like to get to the other side , hopefully with him still with me and back to the nice girl i was :]

@jeezshoua@xanga - @InlUvWiTuRsMiLe@xanga - @phuck_diz_shiz@xanga -  @Nicola_Six@xanga - @Agent_Spanky@xanga - Thank you so much for your comments. I appreciate them so much. Just to answer all your questions at once: the thing is that I've told him that ever since I got together with him I've started to feel a little more than slightly displeased with myself. He thinks I'm being ridiculous. He doesn't want to "take a break" as I have suggested a few times.

I'm not really sure exactly what the problem is (though I know that repairs are required on my end). He thinks nothing's wrong (but he has become frustrated with me a few times and then blamed it on himself). But I know I've turned for the worse because I throw tantrums and get mad so easily and I never used to be like this. I've just come to expect that he'd do things for me and when he doesn't it's like I feel let down even though I have no right to feel this way because he does so much for me already.

It's so hard to explain...